The force I am talking about is AVOIDANCE 
I am all over the place today. I have at least made an inroad to the bills and grrrrrr the speeding fine I have incurred. Apparently I was doing 51 in a 40mph zone - A3 at Thursley where everything s filtered for the tunnel (which is die to open this year - I hope it's on schedule)
I know I need to get on with counting cFos but I haven't even got the digital microscope out yet. Instead I ahve been interacting with friends on FB - so silly when less time would be wasted in one long phone call. But actually it also suits my incredibly active thinking - ideas firing off in all directions. Questioning institutions such as the Uni's here and the small nindedness of not encouraging debate because it is contraversial. I guess that's fear and within those sparking thoughts I came back to the constant need for certainty.
I feel the fear in my walks of life too and so I am quite sharp in my criticism but not without realising that I am party to the "systems" as well.
I have achieved quite a bit in these first days of my sick leave - been to the docs and arranged a visite to the clinic for tomorrow. I had my hair cut which I have not done for so many months. I went for a lovely walk yesterday with Abigail despite myself and went to the meeeting in the vening (also depsite myself) and I allowed myself to be as me as I could. Today I have sifted through admnistrative things that I have been avoiding. Money is flying out left right and centre right now. I will worry about the problem that leaves me with next month especially when my wage will be even lower than basic because they do not pay sick pay. I find that so wrong! But that's the way it is.
So even though I have been messing around with people interactions I have also achieved!
At some point I want to start the cFos count - get that out of the way!!
It;s just a way to monitor what has and has been counted under the microscope that is my problem.
I was a little concerned reading yesterdday. My concentration isn't great and the subjct matter was repetitive stuff. Mind you I was reading with "nattering" going on in the background and not nattering that I was particularly interested in.
I have noticed that when the bloating in me subsides, my brain comes alive again. It is full of creative questioning and a desire for discussion and information and doing things. Hopefully the energy will flood back too so that I might follow my ideas and desires.
Right still aavoiding cFos counting - lunch first then settle down to a few hours of it! No more messing around as now I truly haven't achieved anything except brainstorming some ideas.
I just found this by accident and liked the way the branches cradle the icy cold sun. It's probably not meant to be icy cold, maybe it's even meant to be the moon, who knows. But to me there's a sort of irony in it. It feels cold and stark yet cosy in that state.
I am all over the place today. I have at least made an inroad to the bills and grrrrrr the speeding fine I have incurred. Apparently I was doing 51 in a 40mph zone - A3 at Thursley where everything s filtered for the tunnel (which is die to open this year - I hope it's on schedule)
I know I need to get on with counting cFos but I haven't even got the digital microscope out yet. Instead I ahve been interacting with friends on FB - so silly when less time would be wasted in one long phone call. But actually it also suits my incredibly active thinking - ideas firing off in all directions. Questioning institutions such as the Uni's here and the small nindedness of not encouraging debate because it is contraversial. I guess that's fear and within those sparking thoughts I came back to the constant need for certainty.
I feel the fear in my walks of life too and so I am quite sharp in my criticism but not without realising that I am party to the "systems" as well.
I have achieved quite a bit in these first days of my sick leave - been to the docs and arranged a visite to the clinic for tomorrow. I had my hair cut which I have not done for so many months. I went for a lovely walk yesterday with Abigail despite myself and went to the meeeting in the vening (also depsite myself) and I allowed myself to be as me as I could. Today I have sifted through admnistrative things that I have been avoiding. Money is flying out left right and centre right now. I will worry about the problem that leaves me with next month especially when my wage will be even lower than basic because they do not pay sick pay. I find that so wrong! But that's the way it is.
So even though I have been messing around with people interactions I have also achieved!
At some point I want to start the cFos count - get that out of the way!!
It;s just a way to monitor what has and has been counted under the microscope that is my problem.
I was a little concerned reading yesterdday. My concentration isn't great and the subjct matter was repetitive stuff. Mind you I was reading with "nattering" going on in the background and not nattering that I was particularly interested in.
I have noticed that when the bloating in me subsides, my brain comes alive again. It is full of creative questioning and a desire for discussion and information and doing things. Hopefully the energy will flood back too so that I might follow my ideas and desires.
Right still aavoiding cFos counting - lunch first then settle down to a few hours of it! No more messing around as now I truly haven't achieved anything except brainstorming some ideas.
I just found this by accident and liked the way the branches cradle the icy cold sun. It's probably not meant to be icy cold, maybe it's even meant to be the moon, who knows. But to me there's a sort of irony in it. It feels cold and stark yet cosy in that state.
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