http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkHTsc9PU2A
I'm Yours
Jason Mruz
You're the most perfect man anyone could ever hope for. But I'm sorry you're not the perfect man for me.
- Made of Honour - So sad, what could have been.
Ugh! I torture myself. I re-read JH's emails from the USA.
As I read them again I feel so sad about the good things that I have lost and for the time being cannot regain. But as I read his emails, how I read such confusion.
I really hurt in my heart so deeply.
As I read though I really don't now what's truth and what's fabrication in JH's mind. I don't even think he fabricates with awareness all the time but who knows what's going on and that's what I have to keep reminding myself. It is not easy to know what the truth is because there was as there is so much confusion. So not knowing whether he was fully aware or not reminds me that it is not safe for me.
The thing is I so loved him when I thought he was who he said he was. And it is that man I grieve the loss of.
I hope if he is entering into another relationship then he is not doing the same things and learning to be honest because then and only will he find love. Maybe that's not what he wants.
I really liked what AV said the other day. He said he felt sorry for people that are not able to just see the one person. AV is in love with his girlfriend and vice versa. He has no desire to look at anyone else and feels such fulfillment - what's more he added, he has never wanted to look at more than the person he is with and has not needed to. AV is very content with himself, no lack of self-esteem and few issues from childhood that he carries into any relationship and he has had only 3. He does not feel a need to experiment and have loads, he is content with the love he has.
I would like to feel that with someone. I wanted to feel that with JH. I thought I was to begin with ???
Broken-hearted.
'Bride of the Wind', oil painting by Oskar Kokoschka, a self-portrait expressing his unrequited love for Alma Mahler (widow of composer Gustav Mahler), 1913
William Oliver Unrequited Love
If all perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be;
And if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.
- wuthering heights.
Unrequited Love by M.E. Gaines
A love that’s truly painful
…is one given…not received
Unable to be extinguished
…the heart destined to be grieved
Harboring an attachment
…too entrenched to go away
Memories keep alive the one
…deciding not to stay
Trying to get past the void
…erasing love distorted
An intervention by the heart
…demands it’s not aborted
Living with and without love
…to feel no hot or cold
Passing time as years go by
…adept at growing old
Seeking solace for the heart
…tired eyes look up above
Hoping one day to be free
…from unrequited love.
I feel very grateful amidst this because as if by magic, the Universe sends me this
~~~ Your secret blessing, Bliss, is that no matter where you go in time and space, you only ever have to be yourself - as courageous, vulnerable, bold, or afraid as you may feel - to find yourself amongst friends.
So loved,
The Universe
And then my friend AM called, chatting away about the competion date now confirmed for the sale of her house and a date is being agreed on her new house. ANd she is talking openly about a man she has met, the first in over 10 years and she is excited yet cautious. I am truly pleased for her, AM is such a lovely and lively woman and wants to share her life with someone. I realise as I listen how much harder it is when older to adjust to differences but I think truly if it's the right person it won't be difficult at all. Both will want to move together. It's just meeting that right person .....
I thought I had met JH and he was right. As the quote above says "the perfect man but not the perfect man for me".
Need to go as I have an appointment with the doctor.
Bliss
XX
I'm Yours
Jason Mruz
You're the most perfect man anyone could ever hope for. But I'm sorry you're not the perfect man for me.
- Made of Honour - So sad, what could have been.
Ugh! I torture myself. I re-read JH's emails from the USA.
As I read them again I feel so sad about the good things that I have lost and for the time being cannot regain. But as I read his emails, how I read such confusion.
I really hurt in my heart so deeply.
As I read though I really don't now what's truth and what's fabrication in JH's mind. I don't even think he fabricates with awareness all the time but who knows what's going on and that's what I have to keep reminding myself. It is not easy to know what the truth is because there was as there is so much confusion. So not knowing whether he was fully aware or not reminds me that it is not safe for me.
The thing is I so loved him when I thought he was who he said he was. And it is that man I grieve the loss of.
I hope if he is entering into another relationship then he is not doing the same things and learning to be honest because then and only will he find love. Maybe that's not what he wants.
I really liked what AV said the other day. He said he felt sorry for people that are not able to just see the one person. AV is in love with his girlfriend and vice versa. He has no desire to look at anyone else and feels such fulfillment - what's more he added, he has never wanted to look at more than the person he is with and has not needed to. AV is very content with himself, no lack of self-esteem and few issues from childhood that he carries into any relationship and he has had only 3. He does not feel a need to experiment and have loads, he is content with the love he has.
I would like to feel that with someone. I wanted to feel that with JH. I thought I was to begin with ???
Broken-hearted.
'Bride of the Wind', oil painting by Oskar Kokoschka, a self-portrait expressing his unrequited love for Alma Mahler (widow of composer Gustav Mahler), 1913
William Oliver Unrequited LoveIf all perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be;
And if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.
- wuthering heights.
Unrequited Love by M.E. Gaines
A love that’s truly painful
…is one given…not received
Unable to be extinguished
…the heart destined to be grieved
Harboring an attachment
…too entrenched to go away
Memories keep alive the one
…deciding not to stay
Trying to get past the void
…erasing love distorted
An intervention by the heart
…demands it’s not aborted
Living with and without love
…to feel no hot or cold
Passing time as years go by
…adept at growing old
Seeking solace for the heart
…tired eyes look up above
Hoping one day to be free
…from unrequited love.
I feel very grateful amidst this because as if by magic, the Universe sends me this
~~~ Your secret blessing, Bliss, is that no matter where you go in time and space, you only ever have to be yourself - as courageous, vulnerable, bold, or afraid as you may feel - to find yourself amongst friends.
So loved,
The Universe
And then my friend AM called, chatting away about the competion date now confirmed for the sale of her house and a date is being agreed on her new house. ANd she is talking openly about a man she has met, the first in over 10 years and she is excited yet cautious. I am truly pleased for her, AM is such a lovely and lively woman and wants to share her life with someone. I realise as I listen how much harder it is when older to adjust to differences but I think truly if it's the right person it won't be difficult at all. Both will want to move together. It's just meeting that right person .....
I thought I had met JH and he was right. As the quote above says "the perfect man but not the perfect man for me".
Need to go as I have an appointment with the doctor.
Bliss
XX
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