After listening to AM for quite a long time - she is full of her new relationship and questioning things that are not very comfortable for her too - she asked about me but there wasn't much time for me as we both had to get on.
I was able to share again about the uncomfortable feeling when at the meeting with JP and B. But how I need the meeting and I need to share openly there despite my discomfort.
I also spoke about the difficulty I have in letting go of JH or what it was that seemed to be on offer. And in the end wasn't. I was very disappointed. So I also shared how I think I am a nincompoop for having this deep sense of sadness and loss. And yet I want to be moving on.
Then I managed to share briefly about the thoughts of a drink if ML drinks whilst on holiday. I am missing her and looking forward to her return. I was able to say that I am afraid that if she did drink how that would affect our relationship and I am afraid of losing her as she matters so much to me.
And then we agreed to continue the open chatter tomorrow.....
Now nearly ready. I have braved it and called The Barn to make sure they will be able to serve us food. It will be a mezze.
I have realised that this is my choice and it is different from the norm because I like it. It's me exposing a bit of me that people probably don't know and some may not like it. That's OK. I like it because it is away from the norm and not so square. It's a bit more of a wiggly shape that doesn't fit in to the every day. Good.
I have cleaned very thoroughly and like the fresh air. And JM will be staying. The first time another person has stayed here in a very long time. Well since JH actually. I have not allowed anyone here. It has been a rotten place rotting.
That is strange to acknowledge ..... It really has been a hell hole ever since then. And I am cleaning it out little by little. It feels fresh and a sense of moving on is coming. Well just for today at least.
I wonder if JH moved on without all the feelings I have had?
OK last posting before off to meet all the people
DA DC JM CS JC and me. All of whom I like. I will take my camera but it seems there will be a problem for me downloading the images unless I purchase an external CF card reader. DC will give me a disk this evening. So before I purchase one I will try that. If that doesn't work well then an external card reader it will have to be. I wonder if JB has one I could borrow. I doubt it.
I will ask. Oh I got a great shot last night of the very dark clouds with the sun obviously so low in the sky, lighting the dark cloud in a most peculiar way. I want to see it on the big screen.
Right hair dry and drop LouLou off with the lovely AB and then collect JM from the station, then let the evening begin.
Bliss
XX
I was able to share again about the uncomfortable feeling when at the meeting with JP and B. But how I need the meeting and I need to share openly there despite my discomfort.
I also spoke about the difficulty I have in letting go of JH or what it was that seemed to be on offer. And in the end wasn't. I was very disappointed. So I also shared how I think I am a nincompoop for having this deep sense of sadness and loss. And yet I want to be moving on.
Then I managed to share briefly about the thoughts of a drink if ML drinks whilst on holiday. I am missing her and looking forward to her return. I was able to say that I am afraid that if she did drink how that would affect our relationship and I am afraid of losing her as she matters so much to me.
And then we agreed to continue the open chatter tomorrow.....
Now nearly ready. I have braved it and called The Barn to make sure they will be able to serve us food. It will be a mezze.
I have realised that this is my choice and it is different from the norm because I like it. It's me exposing a bit of me that people probably don't know and some may not like it. That's OK. I like it because it is away from the norm and not so square. It's a bit more of a wiggly shape that doesn't fit in to the every day. Good.
I have cleaned very thoroughly and like the fresh air. And JM will be staying. The first time another person has stayed here in a very long time. Well since JH actually. I have not allowed anyone here. It has been a rotten place rotting.
That is strange to acknowledge ..... It really has been a hell hole ever since then. And I am cleaning it out little by little. It feels fresh and a sense of moving on is coming. Well just for today at least.
I wonder if JH moved on without all the feelings I have had?
OK last posting before off to meet all the people
DA DC JM CS JC and me. All of whom I like. I will take my camera but it seems there will be a problem for me downloading the images unless I purchase an external CF card reader. DC will give me a disk this evening. So before I purchase one I will try that. If that doesn't work well then an external card reader it will have to be. I wonder if JB has one I could borrow. I doubt it.
I will ask. Oh I got a great shot last night of the very dark clouds with the sun obviously so low in the sky, lighting the dark cloud in a most peculiar way. I want to see it on the big screen.
Right hair dry and drop LouLou off with the lovely AB and then collect JM from the station, then let the evening begin.
Bliss
XX
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