The shadow of the axe hangs over every joy

I feel very deathly today.

I am not sure of the reason if there even has to be one.
I just cannot see purpose.

I feel sad about JH. I miss what had seemed really lovely. I know it wasn't the whole truth though and that just makes me feel that no one is real.
I feel dreadful about my dad. He called and we chatted and it's great. He is old and it's so late in our life to be starting to be friendly.
I can't be bothered to do anything at all.
Music is not helping
Looking for pictures of myself and realising how much I hate the way I look but it's all I have got. I feel sad that I barely have any photos of me
I feel dreadful with my body image
I could not get my arse into gear to go to the auction this morning even if just for the experience
And I haven't done any studying either
I cannot feel safe telling my dad how I really feel
I cannot tell anyone how I really feel - wretched and wanting to be dead
I do not like here
It feels like I am sat here and the rest of the world is living and life

I don;t want to exist anymore

Bliss