An interesting dichotomy. As are many others. Compartmentalised versus whole, active versus accepting ...... there are more that raise curiosity in me. Oh commitment versus variety yes that's another as I read with amusement about the Coolidge effect.
I would love to have these debates with a diverse group of people and try to be open to the ideas of people from different backgrounds and experiences. I hear mainly about being in control of oneself . A was talking ahout being stoical as if this is a great quality. I like calm when it truly is an inner calm but a forced outwardly only stoic to me is actually a lie. It actually is quite annoying how there is a judgement that goes with that too. Or rather I feel angry I am just realisng. There is a criticism of me I think built into that by A, R and G. I have talked openly about physical changes as I have been going through menopause. Gosh as I write that I think flip! How have I become to this time in my life when mainly I feel so much younger. It seems impossible that the years have passed so damned quickly. And I laugh as I write this as when I was yonger I used to tut and mock the so-called elders as they said those very words. Ha! And those words are truly coming from me and not a replica. How very funny.
Anyway back to my irritation moving towards anger at believing I am being criticised for my way of managing my menopausal symptoms. And I guess that's where I can see that for A is is far more valuable to be stoic even if inside she is not feeling that way. I wonder where that comes from. Her sister C is very supposedly stoical (again I think that's an attempt at appearance because actually I experience her as nervy and uncertain and seeking back-up approval). G even acts as if she is serene and yet all those years she has been hiding her deepest darkest secrets. That only comes from shame surely. So, I notice that I feel like need to air or exorcise all their faults to get the shaming I feel by them. I don't need to do it directly with them as it's actually nothing at all to do with them. I know that. But this is a part of my process. I say that as a way of excusing this meed in case anyone I know ever reads it. I really do know it's not about anyone else. It is about my reactions and thoughts about things that evokes the feelings within me. And that is when it helps me to write, write, write before I open my mouth. Then I can see whether I need to say anything or whether I can just let it go. And let it go without enabling too. That's another dichotomy. If I let go and have no emotional reaction anymore do I still say something??
I could ask if they have found it difficult hearing all my moans and groans. Hmmm that's not really going to work as they will be all code about that and say no no no then come up with some sort of justified explanation that still tells me they would prefer not to hear it all but never being direct. So they were pretty obvious yesterday. No moaning basically.
It's not permitted to be anaything but OK. I feel angry about that as it's just another group of people that won't allo others to simply be and therefore don't allow each other to simply be and it's all fucked up despite appearances.
Ha! How flipping judgemental of me. There's another dichotomy - have judgements but not working towards loving all and moving away from judgement. I guess so long as it's working but the sad thing is it's not. It's full of flaws.
Well as I am studying about emotions, it all fits in well. The ways in which different cultures promote or discourage the display of emotions. I wonder where the culture of stoicism falls within A's family. I can see how the Victorians would have developed Darwins statement that emotion is an unnecessary fallout from our animal roots. He said that emotions had outlived their usefulness. Thus I can see how to be emotional would have been considered to be quite animal-like. And then special forces in the army are prided on their lack of emotion, purely rational decision-making, regardless of death and killing. It is all revered as heroic and special". I lean more to the way of the Dalai Llama who is aware of anger and sadness for example and of happiness and disgust or fear and surprise. Accoring to Paul Ekman as a result of his tudies, the 6 basic emotions he considered are universal and therefore inherited. To me it's our emotions that are a part of our instinct and the reading or telepathy between humans. Theory of mind - gosh I remember more that I realise I even know.
So I buy more into the stoicism through emotional awareness developing emotinal intelligence. Not to push feelings down to appear stoic but to go through them working towards stoicism, i.e. wholesome calm. The more I practice the sooner I get to the stoicism these days. And I feel fulfilled, not stunted or weighted with the past. I feel light and in the present. Well more and more I am experiencing this difference and cherish it.
But if others find a different way to manage this all but weird and brief time on this planet who am I to say there is a better way. There are simply ways. The other way wasn't serving me too well and this way is serving me better the more I grow. Long live peace and serenity but even in that I am calmer as I know that everything changes and there is an AFGO with every turn.
Lots to write but studying to get on with - I will add more as I go along ......
Ah ha - "Social control of expressions results in their rapid inhibition, not the elimination, of their display" (MacKintosh, B, 2007, pg.44). Absolutely and the experiement this is referring to involves some Japanese and American people watching video clips. When on their own the Japanese show their emotional experssions. But when with other people they start to show the expression then correct themselves and smile instead!!! And people do truly value the ability to be "emotionless". For me I spent my life trying to be because it was my fathers value and in fact he condemned emotionally expressive people including my mum and eevn baby me. I was criticised for crying as a little girl.
It's infuriating but I cannot try to tell others how to be otherwise I am being the same as him. Unless of course people are coming for professional support.
Hmm - maybe the Japanese people in the experiment had been westernised? There's a confounding variable to consider.
Bliss
xx
I would love to have these debates with a diverse group of people and try to be open to the ideas of people from different backgrounds and experiences. I hear mainly about being in control of oneself . A was talking ahout being stoical as if this is a great quality. I like calm when it truly is an inner calm but a forced outwardly only stoic to me is actually a lie. It actually is quite annoying how there is a judgement that goes with that too. Or rather I feel angry I am just realisng. There is a criticism of me I think built into that by A, R and G. I have talked openly about physical changes as I have been going through menopause. Gosh as I write that I think flip! How have I become to this time in my life when mainly I feel so much younger. It seems impossible that the years have passed so damned quickly. And I laugh as I write this as when I was yonger I used to tut and mock the so-called elders as they said those very words. Ha! And those words are truly coming from me and not a replica. How very funny.
Anyway back to my irritation moving towards anger at believing I am being criticised for my way of managing my menopausal symptoms. And I guess that's where I can see that for A is is far more valuable to be stoic even if inside she is not feeling that way. I wonder where that comes from. Her sister C is very supposedly stoical (again I think that's an attempt at appearance because actually I experience her as nervy and uncertain and seeking back-up approval). G even acts as if she is serene and yet all those years she has been hiding her deepest darkest secrets. That only comes from shame surely. So, I notice that I feel like need to air or exorcise all their faults to get the shaming I feel by them. I don't need to do it directly with them as it's actually nothing at all to do with them. I know that. But this is a part of my process. I say that as a way of excusing this meed in case anyone I know ever reads it. I really do know it's not about anyone else. It is about my reactions and thoughts about things that evokes the feelings within me. And that is when it helps me to write, write, write before I open my mouth. Then I can see whether I need to say anything or whether I can just let it go. And let it go without enabling too. That's another dichotomy. If I let go and have no emotional reaction anymore do I still say something??
I could ask if they have found it difficult hearing all my moans and groans. Hmmm that's not really going to work as they will be all code about that and say no no no then come up with some sort of justified explanation that still tells me they would prefer not to hear it all but never being direct. So they were pretty obvious yesterday. No moaning basically.
It's not permitted to be anaything but OK. I feel angry about that as it's just another group of people that won't allo others to simply be and therefore don't allow each other to simply be and it's all fucked up despite appearances.
Ha! How flipping judgemental of me. There's another dichotomy - have judgements but not working towards loving all and moving away from judgement. I guess so long as it's working but the sad thing is it's not. It's full of flaws.
Well as I am studying about emotions, it all fits in well. The ways in which different cultures promote or discourage the display of emotions. I wonder where the culture of stoicism falls within A's family. I can see how the Victorians would have developed Darwins statement that emotion is an unnecessary fallout from our animal roots. He said that emotions had outlived their usefulness. Thus I can see how to be emotional would have been considered to be quite animal-like. And then special forces in the army are prided on their lack of emotion, purely rational decision-making, regardless of death and killing. It is all revered as heroic and special". I lean more to the way of the Dalai Llama who is aware of anger and sadness for example and of happiness and disgust or fear and surprise. Accoring to Paul Ekman as a result of his tudies, the 6 basic emotions he considered are universal and therefore inherited. To me it's our emotions that are a part of our instinct and the reading or telepathy between humans. Theory of mind - gosh I remember more that I realise I even know.
So I buy more into the stoicism through emotional awareness developing emotinal intelligence. Not to push feelings down to appear stoic but to go through them working towards stoicism, i.e. wholesome calm. The more I practice the sooner I get to the stoicism these days. And I feel fulfilled, not stunted or weighted with the past. I feel light and in the present. Well more and more I am experiencing this difference and cherish it.
But if others find a different way to manage this all but weird and brief time on this planet who am I to say there is a better way. There are simply ways. The other way wasn't serving me too well and this way is serving me better the more I grow. Long live peace and serenity but even in that I am calmer as I know that everything changes and there is an AFGO with every turn.
Lots to write but studying to get on with - I will add more as I go along ......
Ah ha - "Social control of expressions results in their rapid inhibition, not the elimination, of their display" (MacKintosh, B, 2007, pg.44). Absolutely and the experiement this is referring to involves some Japanese and American people watching video clips. When on their own the Japanese show their emotional experssions. But when with other people they start to show the expression then correct themselves and smile instead!!! And people do truly value the ability to be "emotionless". For me I spent my life trying to be because it was my fathers value and in fact he condemned emotionally expressive people including my mum and eevn baby me. I was criticised for crying as a little girl.
It's infuriating but I cannot try to tell others how to be otherwise I am being the same as him. Unless of course people are coming for professional support.
Hmm - maybe the Japanese people in the experiment had been westernised? There's a confounding variable to consider.
Bliss
xx
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