I feel pissed off with the P but I think it's more fear - financial insecurity.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have enough for today.
There is nothing that can be done about it - I do not feel certain about being able to go and earn easily.
Scared.
Yet feel OK too. It's so strange. I also feel a degree of faith that all will somehow be OK
A lot is about me adjusting to the reality of how things are rather than all I think I have lost.
I don't want to have to give things up but there are people a lot lot worse off than me.
I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Not my first thoughts.
Did think about stopping downloading to become more honest. But not willing - this is a cheap way of getting some entertainment as my world gets smaller or so it seems.
Adventures come in all shapes and sizes though I guess - life is an adventure.
I can remember years ago thinking that everything had to be a drama although I didn't use that word it was more about thinking it needed to be things happeneing to be an adventure. Intellectually I know differently. Just have to remind myself of that.
As we were talking something changed in you - we were talking and then you stopped.
I have an emotional reaction - not sure of the words t match what the emotion is. I think I feel scared - scared that there is a distance, lack of trust, something, I'm not sure what it is. Can you throw any light on it. Would try to verbalise this but then I get all tongue-tied and upset. So thought I'd write it and ask if it's just me being over-sensitive?
Something else I have feelings about .... I have not heard from JH. I feel sad about that. Yes I needed time to have some time to try and get a little recovery from the enormity of the hurt I felt.
I wonder why? But having sent an email that he has chosen not to reply to for whatever reason I think perhaps I should just leave it. Of course perhaps he didn't receive my last long email or maybe he had second thoughts about contact or maybe he is still ill and not wanting to reply or maybe something else ... who knows.
It was hopeful to be able to be friends. After all a lot of things were shared in a very short time. And he was saying that he was enjoying the email contact. Who knows.... the thing is I don't want to be hurt. I feel sad. Oh well. The wound isn't like before thank goodness. Hey maybe he's havng a go at being with his family and that would be fantastic.
Flipping people with flipping people - always a flipping adventure - flipping companies - flipping "reccession" - flipping heck!!
Bliss
XX
I have to keep reminding myself that I have enough for today.
There is nothing that can be done about it - I do not feel certain about being able to go and earn easily.
Scared.
Yet feel OK too. It's so strange. I also feel a degree of faith that all will somehow be OK
A lot is about me adjusting to the reality of how things are rather than all I think I have lost.
I don't want to have to give things up but there are people a lot lot worse off than me.
I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Not my first thoughts.
Did think about stopping downloading to become more honest. But not willing - this is a cheap way of getting some entertainment as my world gets smaller or so it seems.
Adventures come in all shapes and sizes though I guess - life is an adventure.
I can remember years ago thinking that everything had to be a drama although I didn't use that word it was more about thinking it needed to be things happeneing to be an adventure. Intellectually I know differently. Just have to remind myself of that.
As we were talking something changed in you - we were talking and then you stopped.
I have an emotional reaction - not sure of the words t match what the emotion is. I think I feel scared - scared that there is a distance, lack of trust, something, I'm not sure what it is. Can you throw any light on it. Would try to verbalise this but then I get all tongue-tied and upset. So thought I'd write it and ask if it's just me being over-sensitive?
Something else I have feelings about .... I have not heard from JH. I feel sad about that. Yes I needed time to have some time to try and get a little recovery from the enormity of the hurt I felt.
I wonder why? But having sent an email that he has chosen not to reply to for whatever reason I think perhaps I should just leave it. Of course perhaps he didn't receive my last long email or maybe he had second thoughts about contact or maybe he is still ill and not wanting to reply or maybe something else ... who knows.
It was hopeful to be able to be friends. After all a lot of things were shared in a very short time. And he was saying that he was enjoying the email contact. Who knows.... the thing is I don't want to be hurt. I feel sad. Oh well. The wound isn't like before thank goodness. Hey maybe he's havng a go at being with his family and that would be fantastic.
Flipping people with flipping people - always a flipping adventure - flipping companies - flipping "reccession" - flipping heck!!
Bliss
XX
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