Miracles

Miracles 19th Juy 2012 (written in Word first as there ws no Internet signal)

Phew! I was sooooooooooooo tired. We set off from home for Merthyr Tydfil about 6pm. Not a long turnaround from our demanding walk. I noticed that T was quite excitable and on the journey M was joining her. I didn’t feel up there. I started to feel separated, sitting in the back quietly was good enough for me.

We arrived at the AA meeting and it seemed we had contributed to more than doubling the usual attendance. They said there was normally 3 or 4. Here were the three of us plus 2 characters visiting from Cardiff, although clearly well known to this meeting. I loved listening to Deborah’s accent. I think in the past I’ve mocked the Welsh accent. Rude me. And this brings me to yesterdays Twenty-Four Hour a Day reading about not gossiping or criticising.

I made a conscious effort to change any thoughts of criticism and not to gossip. I was aware of others going down that line and when there were raised eyebrows at someone else’s expense, I was able to ask in a light-hearted way I think what this meant or that directly with the person. And then I stepped aside from it all. But, and oh yes there’s a BUT of the bigger variety, what I did do was judge the others for being critical. Ha! I didn’t notice until I heard my tone this morning when speaking with my sponsor. God please help me to stop this comparison. I think it has been useful in seeing the differences but it’s to be stopped as soon as I notice it.

I also spoke about the way in which I felt slightly detached from the other two last evening in the car and even when we go home. I think the way in which I turned on myself for getting lost started it. But also being tired I just wanted to have down time and be quieter. It’s OK. Otherwise I turn on myself more and then as my sponsor says this turns into my head lowering, despondency creeping in and then there is not the will or the ability to be, do and enjoy. So lift my head up and be. Lovely.

My sponsor talked about faith being an action. And I read in Bill’s Story about having the willingness to turn to the God of my understanding. Of my understanding being the important thing. Like Bill I really believe that Jesus existed, and the equivalent person through other belief systems too. And with their incredible humility and wisdom it’s doubtless that they were very special people. Hence the direct link with God. The Dalai Lama is another of those people. And I really enjoy the teachings and what I can learn from them if I listen and apply them. There’s the need for action again. Nothing spiritual occurs as a result of reading it in a book or sitting and listening.

So I need to practise my faith. I am practising when I remember to get on my knees and ask for God to enter my life. The serenity then flows. I could have asked God to help yesterday when we were lost. I did have faith that we’d arrive somewhere that would get us out of the spot we were in. And it did happen. I didn’t turn to God directly.

I would really like to be in more conscious contact with God. God please help me reach out to you. I truly know you are there. In the shape and form that I believe in you which is more abstract and unnecessary to define. That’s a release in itself.

The reading this morning suggests the need to believe in miracles for other people. I do. I am praying for people in my life to have everything they desire. Then the negativity in me becomes jealous. What about me? And that’s another reminder that I have not practised gratitude. I am very grateful for this break this week. I feel relaxed and far away from the stress of my work environment. I am grateful for the time to observe myself interacting with people and practise doing things differently. I am grateful for the opportunity to explore a little area and enjoy the discoveries. I am grateful to be around creative people and allow myself to do a little of each. They’ve done their degrees in their area of speciality and I am able to dip into their worlds. Even though I feel as if I’m not in the middle of it. I am grateful.

OK I think I will end my writings there for today. We are off towards Merthyr Tydfil again for a ride on a train pulled by a steam engine. Then we will head for Swansea – a visit to the show caves and hopefully a walk around Swansea. Lunch en route, dinner back here and then a visit to the pub!

I am grateful for my abstinence.

Bliss

XX