I noticed this morning that I was quite intolerant with L. But realising it helped me to invited God in and the rest of the day was different. She certainly seems different, not so critical.
It does help that I am much less intense, light and breezy whilst also stating my opinion and ideas. Then remaining open and receptive.
This evening I met with JH and his children for dinner. The George was pretty good actually. East Meon. They were very good at providing my abstinent food.
The conversation mainly centred around JH's children. That was OK.
I feel some sadness. Sad that JH wasn't the person I hoped he would be when I first started feeling more for him than the sordid underworld we indulged in.
I am aware that I can still feel easily excited by that dark behaviour but I want better for myself. And I also am not interested in a relationship where there are other women. So it was certainly right to go our separate ways. But of course the nice things are still nice. Honesty is so critically important.
And on this matter it makes me smile. I was talking with M prior to meeting JH and didn't tell her. I have sine told her and she said she could sense something was not right but didn't know what. Now she does.
I am full of fear of judgement and taking responsibility leave some vulnerable to being criticised. I am gradually getting there. The funny thing is that on many. many levels I am honest and decent. I am honourable and trustworthy in many areas. But create this distrust when fears stop me being honest. It is such a mental illness.
Interesting how JH thought there is a bigger problem in the UK with alcohol. Who really knows but what I do know is that there are NA and AA meetings in abundance all over the world. But that's to deal with addition. Not everyone is an addict yet abuses alcohol. I guess those people that continue when others stop and trudge through consequences, then there is an addiction problem.
It's interesting how there is a derogatory tone that emanates from many people talking about alcohol use without knowing the illness of addiction.
And it's not just about the alcohol or the drug. The illness involves dishonesty, negativity, self-hatred, self-centredness, and more.
It's all of these things that need addressing just as much as the substance or addictive behaviour i.e. gambling, food, and more.
But these cannot be worked on until the initial mind-altering behaviour is abstained from.
It irritates me that L uses the TIQ thingy she reads out. It's inaccurate. It has some truths but the research has far disproven some of what is being advocated and also enhanced on some ideas too.
I am not asked for an opinion about these things so no longer give them. It also puts and emphasis on blaming something. Anyway it's done and that' s that. Thank goodness I can also be opened minded and recognise that it does seem to help some people. Anything that lightens the path so that someone might take it is goo news.
And after all I am constantly wanting her to buy something.
Right I'm off to bed.
Thank you God for a day of abstinence. Thank you God for highlighting my truth and how much I need to take responsibility for it on all occasions. Learning, learning, learning. And as that's my passion what more could a weekend bring. Despite some fatigue here and there.
Bliss
XX
It does help that I am much less intense, light and breezy whilst also stating my opinion and ideas. Then remaining open and receptive.
This evening I met with JH and his children for dinner. The George was pretty good actually. East Meon. They were very good at providing my abstinent food.
The conversation mainly centred around JH's children. That was OK.
I feel some sadness. Sad that JH wasn't the person I hoped he would be when I first started feeling more for him than the sordid underworld we indulged in.
I am aware that I can still feel easily excited by that dark behaviour but I want better for myself. And I also am not interested in a relationship where there are other women. So it was certainly right to go our separate ways. But of course the nice things are still nice. Honesty is so critically important.
And on this matter it makes me smile. I was talking with M prior to meeting JH and didn't tell her. I have sine told her and she said she could sense something was not right but didn't know what. Now she does.
I am full of fear of judgement and taking responsibility leave some vulnerable to being criticised. I am gradually getting there. The funny thing is that on many. many levels I am honest and decent. I am honourable and trustworthy in many areas. But create this distrust when fears stop me being honest. It is such a mental illness.
Interesting how JH thought there is a bigger problem in the UK with alcohol. Who really knows but what I do know is that there are NA and AA meetings in abundance all over the world. But that's to deal with addition. Not everyone is an addict yet abuses alcohol. I guess those people that continue when others stop and trudge through consequences, then there is an addiction problem.
It's interesting how there is a derogatory tone that emanates from many people talking about alcohol use without knowing the illness of addiction.
And it's not just about the alcohol or the drug. The illness involves dishonesty, negativity, self-hatred, self-centredness, and more.
It's all of these things that need addressing just as much as the substance or addictive behaviour i.e. gambling, food, and more.
But these cannot be worked on until the initial mind-altering behaviour is abstained from.
It irritates me that L uses the TIQ thingy she reads out. It's inaccurate. It has some truths but the research has far disproven some of what is being advocated and also enhanced on some ideas too.
I am not asked for an opinion about these things so no longer give them. It also puts and emphasis on blaming something. Anyway it's done and that' s that. Thank goodness I can also be opened minded and recognise that it does seem to help some people. Anything that lightens the path so that someone might take it is goo news.
And after all I am constantly wanting her to buy something.
Right I'm off to bed.
Thank you God for a day of abstinence. Thank you God for highlighting my truth and how much I need to take responsibility for it on all occasions. Learning, learning, learning. And as that's my passion what more could a weekend bring. Despite some fatigue here and there.
Bliss
XX
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