It is forbidden to kill. Therefore, all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers, and to the sound of trumpets.
Voltaire
8th July 2013
Grrrrrrr I could murder AB when she tells me what to do or tells me how I must be feeling or hints at things being a problem. She said even you could get something to eat at the pub when I go out all the fucking time and eat out perfectly with ease and enjoyment. Just fuck right off!! And then thinks I am still weak and feeble. I write that knowing that at times I have been vulnerable. The problem with AB is she thinks I am all the time. I have grown and changed and that's not acknowledged. Of course she is in her rut of drinking and not liking doing anything. I fucking irritates me too that she says ooo let's do that. So I say okay let's arrange it now and then suddenly "oh no well not now". She liked the sound of the walk I did last evening and said can we do it, so I suggest this evening and suddenly there's a million reasons why not tonight. For fucks sakes!!! It's so infuriating. And I can feel I get edgy with her. I disagree just to try and keep my boundaries. She must sense it. I do!
I won't of course murder her. But fucking hell it's infuriating.
This might be a page for releasing frustrations and resentments with people as they develop.
It's helpful to write it and release the energy. And see how I need to just let go. And also keep listening because amidst all the nonsense AB says a lot of very sensible things. She made reference to Graham Whelan possibly being at the Summer School in Brighton. It is a possibility if he still works with the OU. If he should approach me I will deal with it. I am a very different person. I see my part in letting that situation develop. I was so unwell and needy and he was nasty in his sexual behaviours. I'm not sure how much I've exaggerated it but I know the experience was unpleasant. So if I feel threatened in anyway I now have a reminder that I can leave, I can speak with someone within the OU. It's good to have a bit of a game plan.
Thanks AB and a little less grrrr but grrrr nonetheless. And the way forward? I'd like to remember this is AB. That codependent behaviours and avoidance of self are very irrituating. Listen and smile. Stop needing to point things out to her. I know I'm okay without becoming adamant and bloody minded and then have to back track. Accept her as she is and love her for the friend she is. Please God help AB to be content. I know she isn't and her drinking keeps her from delaing with anything at all. I know God (of my understanding) that you are there in her life if she ever wants to reach out to. In the meantime, please can you help me to be more like the person I want to even when irritated by her. I want to be passive in the sense of calm, rather than the interpretation I can hold of passivity being a walk over. I want to be a good friend and listener. There will be ways to acknowledge what she's said and put a different point of view. Please show me how to do this and be serene.
Thank you God.
Bliss
x
Voltaire
8th July 2013
Grrrrrrr I could murder AB when she tells me what to do or tells me how I must be feeling or hints at things being a problem. She said even you could get something to eat at the pub when I go out all the fucking time and eat out perfectly with ease and enjoyment. Just fuck right off!! And then thinks I am still weak and feeble. I write that knowing that at times I have been vulnerable. The problem with AB is she thinks I am all the time. I have grown and changed and that's not acknowledged. Of course she is in her rut of drinking and not liking doing anything. I fucking irritates me too that she says ooo let's do that. So I say okay let's arrange it now and then suddenly "oh no well not now". She liked the sound of the walk I did last evening and said can we do it, so I suggest this evening and suddenly there's a million reasons why not tonight. For fucks sakes!!! It's so infuriating. And I can feel I get edgy with her. I disagree just to try and keep my boundaries. She must sense it. I do!
I won't of course murder her. But fucking hell it's infuriating.
This might be a page for releasing frustrations and resentments with people as they develop.
It's helpful to write it and release the energy. And see how I need to just let go. And also keep listening because amidst all the nonsense AB says a lot of very sensible things. She made reference to Graham Whelan possibly being at the Summer School in Brighton. It is a possibility if he still works with the OU. If he should approach me I will deal with it. I am a very different person. I see my part in letting that situation develop. I was so unwell and needy and he was nasty in his sexual behaviours. I'm not sure how much I've exaggerated it but I know the experience was unpleasant. So if I feel threatened in anyway I now have a reminder that I can leave, I can speak with someone within the OU. It's good to have a bit of a game plan.
Thanks AB and a little less grrrr but grrrr nonetheless. And the way forward? I'd like to remember this is AB. That codependent behaviours and avoidance of self are very irrituating. Listen and smile. Stop needing to point things out to her. I know I'm okay without becoming adamant and bloody minded and then have to back track. Accept her as she is and love her for the friend she is. Please God help AB to be content. I know she isn't and her drinking keeps her from delaing with anything at all. I know God (of my understanding) that you are there in her life if she ever wants to reach out to. In the meantime, please can you help me to be more like the person I want to even when irritated by her. I want to be passive in the sense of calm, rather than the interpretation I can hold of passivity being a walk over. I want to be a good friend and listener. There will be ways to acknowledge what she's said and put a different point of view. Please show me how to do this and be serene.
Thank you God.
Bliss
x
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