Pity really that because of my job there will be associations with your broken bits projected onto me the person. I'm not working when I'm living my life. I'm interested in people and some of those people with hang ups about therapists seem to think if I ask a question or say something in a particular way I'm trying to "give them therapy". My last partner would scream at me that I was being a therapist when I asked what he'd like to do but because he was in a bad mood I'd get it in the neck for being a therapist. Thank goodness there are friends who've had therapy who don't think that about me and we can just relax and be ourselves. And I'm not closed down to the idea that at times I can fall automatically into that but have friends who are able to let me know if they sense that might have happened. I trust them as they don't have this fear that EVERYTHING I say might be therapy. To be truthful what the heck is therapy anyway. For me it's usually someone who wants to come and talk about their issues. Sometimes they want another take on things sometimes not. Generally they need affirmation that they are doing the right thing for themselves or are not. Sometimes there's a bit of educational info I can provide that might throw some light one something. And other times just simply being open and honest is enough to restore a little faith really. It always amazes me that people want to see me ad even recommend me. I am just little ol me with all my faults and behaviours and experiences or lack of. I do my best.
When people think about themselves and their own hang-ups first before blaming others I am impressed. I work towards this but am far from arrived in anything. I'm much improved in my approach to life and everything. I like this growth and put in the effort to keep getting more.
I want to be honest, open, caring, friendly, respectful, accountable, reliable, dependable, loving, trustworthy and so o. I enjoy a growing peace having known my own version of hell. I can be vulnerable and still be okay. Not everyone needs to know every detail about me but I trust. I have a personal blog that goes back some years. There's a lot of information in there that might shock a few people, others not. It's not written for general sharing but it's online nonetheless. I do not advertise it anywhere. A few people have read it. It's there though. I doubt it's entirely honest all the time but it's the truth to the best of my ability of events and thoughts as they've occurred. A lot of the time it's very boring. I don't write all the time. There are times when it's been regular and a salvation. At other times it's the last thing I want to do. I need to write some thoughts out but don't want to face them right now so my blog has been untouched for a while. I've written this morning to a friend about my food addiction at its worst as she's struggling and I've decided to put that on my blog as a reminder to myself for the times when I falter. That has been a place of hell. Worse than alcohol? Worse than drugs? Possibly. Certainly it's been with me since a little girl. It was my salvation way back then. It turned on me in the end. So I'm cautious yes. If people are offended by that I'm sorry. But like you say this is me. Accept me as you find me if you can. I work to try and accept people as I find them. The nature of things means people evoked emotions in other people. Dealing with that is the way forward for me. Just accepting that is a daily helpful reminder and to love anyway.
The other day an intuition paid money for something I did. I did for convenience of myself and was not expecting pay, in fact I benefited so much from it as to save me money in the first place and wasn't entirely truthful in the first place. So to get money has thrown me. The reason why? Well because I am pretty low on funds. It's a life choice. Therapy doesn't pay well. And it's more expensive by the day to live here on a salary the government consider to be the average. It means there's not much than lean times. But I am glad to pay my bills and afford food and the occasional book or trip to galleries etc. It's enough even though I want more and hanker after a much more exotic and luxurious lifestyle I one had. I long to be able to travel again like I used to. It can actually feel painful the loss feels so great! However, I practice gratitude and I have plenty, abundance of all I actually need. I sidetrack. Although it's vaguely related with the financial situation. So this money has arrived. I have needed to buy new tyres and get my car MOT'd. My car is not too much of an option really. I live in a remote-ish village (by UK standards) where there is no public transport. Things worsen in this country by the day instead of improving (in my opinion at least. And that's not denying that things are far better here than many other places in the world. But we are regressing instead of developing). Anyway, this money has arrived and I want to give it back BUT I also don't. It would make it really so much easier financially for me. It's not a huge amount to a wealthier person but a small fortune in a way. The point I'm making is that I want to be decent and honest and yet I want to be less financially insecure just for a month. I'm really torn between my conscious and my insecurity. This is an example of a work in practice. There would have been a time when I wouldn't have even had that second thought. I would certainly have thought I should return this. Because it's an institution as well that's a way I can more easily justify it. If it was an individual I knew there would be no argument and the money would have been returned instantly.
I'm telling you this manly because it's another person who knows my conscience and hopefully I will follow it. So this morning, as it's a day off work I have plenty of time to make the call and tell them I don't need paying, that it was not work and more helpful to me than to them and ask how to get the money returned. Eek!!
Right I feel energised to go off ad do that right now!
Ciao
When people think about themselves and their own hang-ups first before blaming others I am impressed. I work towards this but am far from arrived in anything. I'm much improved in my approach to life and everything. I like this growth and put in the effort to keep getting more.
I want to be honest, open, caring, friendly, respectful, accountable, reliable, dependable, loving, trustworthy and so o. I enjoy a growing peace having known my own version of hell. I can be vulnerable and still be okay. Not everyone needs to know every detail about me but I trust. I have a personal blog that goes back some years. There's a lot of information in there that might shock a few people, others not. It's not written for general sharing but it's online nonetheless. I do not advertise it anywhere. A few people have read it. It's there though. I doubt it's entirely honest all the time but it's the truth to the best of my ability of events and thoughts as they've occurred. A lot of the time it's very boring. I don't write all the time. There are times when it's been regular and a salvation. At other times it's the last thing I want to do. I need to write some thoughts out but don't want to face them right now so my blog has been untouched for a while. I've written this morning to a friend about my food addiction at its worst as she's struggling and I've decided to put that on my blog as a reminder to myself for the times when I falter. That has been a place of hell. Worse than alcohol? Worse than drugs? Possibly. Certainly it's been with me since a little girl. It was my salvation way back then. It turned on me in the end. So I'm cautious yes. If people are offended by that I'm sorry. But like you say this is me. Accept me as you find me if you can. I work to try and accept people as I find them. The nature of things means people evoked emotions in other people. Dealing with that is the way forward for me. Just accepting that is a daily helpful reminder and to love anyway.
The other day an intuition paid money for something I did. I did for convenience of myself and was not expecting pay, in fact I benefited so much from it as to save me money in the first place and wasn't entirely truthful in the first place. So to get money has thrown me. The reason why? Well because I am pretty low on funds. It's a life choice. Therapy doesn't pay well. And it's more expensive by the day to live here on a salary the government consider to be the average. It means there's not much than lean times. But I am glad to pay my bills and afford food and the occasional book or trip to galleries etc. It's enough even though I want more and hanker after a much more exotic and luxurious lifestyle I one had. I long to be able to travel again like I used to. It can actually feel painful the loss feels so great! However, I practice gratitude and I have plenty, abundance of all I actually need. I sidetrack. Although it's vaguely related with the financial situation. So this money has arrived. I have needed to buy new tyres and get my car MOT'd. My car is not too much of an option really. I live in a remote-ish village (by UK standards) where there is no public transport. Things worsen in this country by the day instead of improving (in my opinion at least. And that's not denying that things are far better here than many other places in the world. But we are regressing instead of developing). Anyway, this money has arrived and I want to give it back BUT I also don't. It would make it really so much easier financially for me. It's not a huge amount to a wealthier person but a small fortune in a way. The point I'm making is that I want to be decent and honest and yet I want to be less financially insecure just for a month. I'm really torn between my conscious and my insecurity. This is an example of a work in practice. There would have been a time when I wouldn't have even had that second thought. I would certainly have thought I should return this. Because it's an institution as well that's a way I can more easily justify it. If it was an individual I knew there would be no argument and the money would have been returned instantly.
I'm telling you this manly because it's another person who knows my conscience and hopefully I will follow it. So this morning, as it's a day off work I have plenty of time to make the call and tell them I don't need paying, that it was not work and more helpful to me than to them and ask how to get the money returned. Eek!!
Right I feel energised to go off ad do that right now!
Ciao
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