The Healthy Submisive

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.




2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.



3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.



4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.



5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.



6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.



7. The healthy submissive is playful.



8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.



9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.



10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.



11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.



12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.



13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.



14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.

Useful by being here and a slaves testament

For a long time yet, Bliss, there will still be things not to like in time and space... animal testing, war, discrimination, hatred, to name a few. But you realize, don't you, that only while you're there, can you do anything about them?


Oh yeah.

We can only watch.

The Universe
 
This is funny because today I asked my Master JH and my love if when we are together living simply if we would be able to keep bees. I am fascinated by them suddenly and love the idea of collecting the honey and maybe even being able to trade it with other local producers. But also very much as a way of contributing to the world as they are so endangered now. JH knows something about this too. He responded that he would like to. YAY!
I would also like to keep chickens and have fresh eggs. I like this picture I have. I also have this sense of bringing people together. Something we will do will create the opportunity for people to come together, meetings and learning or personal growth or something. It feels free and easy and loving and safe. I repeat easy as I see happiness.
 
I visited the hospital today - internal examination. It HURT! and M asked me why I didn;t tell anyone as it was being done that it was hurting. After the event I felt tearful.
I sent a text to JH, saying that I was out and very basic news. He sent a text back saying that he would call later. In retrospect I realised I wanted him to call but I didn't ask him to. I am still so far from identifying my wants and needs and being able to ask for them. Telling the doc about being in pain was another example.
When JH did call (he is so thoughful and lovely) I felt angry. I don;t know why. I was quite the martyr wanting to say that he should forget about me and get back to his kids. Oh poor poor me. Pah! Thankfully I don;t think I got myself stuck on this worthless idea. I said I wanted an hug and he said he was hugging me. That felt so nice of him to respond that way. I then was really happy after a little while talking to say goodbye knowing that he needed his tme with his children. No resentments - just love.
I am learning and growing. It is lovely.
 
M gave me a hug when I got home. That was lovely. Brings tears to me. I am not really certain why. Somebody really cares. I know for M hugging takes her effort. I apreciate her friendship. I love her.
She has cooked and talked and listened and been easy gong. Just what I needed.
I had stopped en route and bought a treat. I wanted chocolate and cakes. So I bought a chocolate pudding.
 
Now I feel incredibly bloated and there is some pain still.
M has suggested that I tell the GP about the pain and the fact that I didn;t tell them when it was hurting as they were examining me. It just doesn;t occur to me. As far as I am concerned I am to sit there quietly and just let them do what they are supposed to do. If there is anythign they will find it. But as M pointed out they may miss something if I don't tell them how things are affecting me. Still so much to learn.
 
My dad called. I hadn't realised I had told him when I was going to the hospital. The conversation was OK. Funnily enough M said as the phone was ringing "Oh don;t let it be your dad!" And it was. Ha ha.
 
Yesterday I went to find out from slaves and Masters about falling in love with my Master and him falling in love with me.
Oddly I received an IM from my former Master. He was asking for an update on what I have learnt since he last had contact with me. I will tell my Master and my love that I have received this.
As my Masters slave and because I adore him I would tell him everything and ask permission for everything I want. When I remember. I am still so self willed and there is a lot of control to learn how to let go of. And yet it feels so right for me.
The funny thing is my Master who is my love, is very loving and giving. He has requirements but doesn't enforce them. Oddly when I don;t comply I feel I have let him down.
I was given this by a Mistress in SL - I have much to learn and put into practice. The thing is although it is slavery it seems to apply so well to me feeling free and respectful fo the person I am in love with ...
Slaves Creed




i will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. i realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Owner and i from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm



i will not try to manipulate my Owner. i will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should



i will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not accustomed to or comfortable with and expanding my limits. i will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.



i will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Owner and will do my best to fulfil Her wishes and desires. i will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, i know that submissive does not equal "doormat"



i will be courteous and helpful to my fellow slaves, i will share my knowledge and experiences with others in the hope they they will learn from where i have been and i will take the time to help those new to the lifestyle start out on the correct path.



i will be responsive to my Owner, i will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that i may assist Her in Her responsibilities as my Authority, i know that Dominants are not telepathic, and will not expect Them to know the thoughts or feelings which i do not share.



i will never think myself a "better" submissive because i choose to submit on a different level than another. i will not be boastful of experiences i have had as a sub. i know that my actions reflect upon my Owner, and will do my best to help others see Her in a positive way, i will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Owner.



Above all, i be a slave with honour, i will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or subhuman. i will take pride in who and what i am, and will never show myself in a negative way
 

Feeling close despite the distance

Of course, Bliss, the most deceptive of all illusions is very likely space.


You know, that thing between "here" and "there" that would have you see yourself alone, instead of as the bridge between them. That medium between you and the rest of the world that disguises your role in creating it. You know, that veil through which the physical senses must explore your chiseled secrets.

See? Aliens are the least of your worries...

Phone home,

The Universe
 
Well this is so appropriate, having spoken with my Master and my love about how we can be together when there is physical distance between us. I even wrote to the Universe expressing my wants. And then this message.
In terms of slavery, it gets a little confusing. I am not certain how to have a Master/slave relationship when this is th same man that I love and am in love with. Confused because although I think a slave can love and be in love with a Master, the Master may not really be in love with the slave. I don't know why I think this. Maybe I could speak with some Masters and slaves to find out their thoughts.  Mmmm yes good idea

My love and my master is away on holiday. It is so odd after all this time on Skype to be talking on the telephone.
Even odder with M staying and I feel I cannot talk so openly. I am worried how she might judge me.

Journeying into slavery

"When love beckons to you, follow him. Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden amongst his opinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden." Kahil Gibran

Mmmmm - somehow this seems relevant in the submission I feel in my role with my Master. It is in direct controversy with my controlling self.

To yield - I know this is empowering. I feel empowered when I yield. It gives me security in myself and I gain that from my role.

That may make no sense at all to anyone reading this unless you already know that I am my Masters slave. Yet within this relationship I have fallen in love and he loves me so there is at times perhaps a confusion in how to be both. I guess this is more learning. How to continue to be my Masters slave whilst also both loving one and other.

When I think of him I can feel him through my body. It starts at root or base chakra and then into the second chakra and then into the solar plexus. The heart chakra feels plentiful.

I think in April I became my Master's slave. I am writing this now so as not to lose the clarity as it fades fast.

I encountered my Master whilst I was already a slave to Senor. My Master seemed well masterly and I felt compelled to speak with him. And just after a few conversations and also yielding willingly to his sexual attention, I asked if he would like me to sit at his feet as his slave for him to see if he liked the role. From there very quickly I was asking Senor if he would loan me ... He agreed first to 4 days and then when this seemed not to be fit in with Master's plans, Senor loaned me for 2 weeks. My Master was then away for the weekend yet managed to make some contact and tell me his requirements. On his return, I sat at his feet a lot and we mainly talked and I met his requirements. I quickly felt my adoration growing and became more willing to meet his requirements.

I am unclear of the order of things and how they escalated but I revealed myself to my Master in different ways - in writing, in photographs and eventually through Skype.

I suppose it is necessary to explain that I had already been captured by Senor maybe a month or two prior to meeting my Master. Quite innocently I was invited by Senor to meet with him, and I accepted his offer. I had met him in passing some days maybe a month earlier.

As I met with him he told me to get on my knees. Fascinated, I did as I was told. After a few days of meeting under such strange circumstances, with no chatting, merely being told his requirements of me, I entered into being his slave willingly.

Senor required me to read the 128 slave rules which I had to find. And then to write the rules that I agreed with or those I found difficult and why. I actually discovered two versions to begin with. I could see how easily I would be able to comply and started to become aware of the pleasure I found in being submissive to Senor.

At first he did not collar me. He did not think it necessary. But as he realised I did not yield to all of his requirements he decided to collar me.

I discovered that I felt safe as slave to Senor. He was not available very often and so required me to undertake my own teaching - this involved sexual acts as well as practicing being submissive with others.

It was through "others" that I met my now Master. In being submissive, I was lent to a learning Dom who was interested in making me do things without consideration and humiliating me. He had taken me to a place where I was required to have sex with a French woman. At this point I was aware of a man sitting quietly observing the scene. I felt some kind of connection with him just knowing he was watching. When he spoke it was very calm and non judgemental. The French girl being satisfied left commenting only that it was good and poufff she was gone.

My Master offered me friendship. .... the rest is history as they say.

Oh except that as the end of the 2 weeks approached I explained to my Master that I really wanted to stay with him. I did feel though a great deal of emotional discomfort knowing that I was being disloyal in this way to Senor. It is surprising really how entirely the role as a slave has penetrated through me. And so negotiations commenced with me as the messenger between Senor and my Master. It was so strange. Eventually Senor agreed to give me away to my Master. He did not want money. He did try to take me back as my Master cleverly predicted but my Master had already been prepared and so stopped the possibility.

I really know that it has value for me as a person.....

Senor had taught me that there could be no bad feelings for any reason. If I so much as mentioned a bad feeling, he would remind me that it was not permitted and then would change the situation with immediate effect. Unless of course I could change the feeling myself. If I felt bad enough that I had caused him inconvenience, I was of course able to alter my feeling.

I can see how this serves a valuable purpose.

I also see how easy I developed a devotion and love for Senor to begin with but more wholesomely with my Master. He takes care of me and is loving in every decision he makes for me. In return I have developed love and respect.

Mainly with sexual requirements - I am to be available at all times and when I remind myself f this or am reminded I am instantly aroused anyway. The arousal has developed through a sort of conditioning I think. This I will not go into detail about but suffice to say I undertake the requirements of me, which become an arousal. The simply to be reminded I am open and available. My Master is masterful at ensuring I am very satisfied when taking my availability to him. And so I feel even more conditioned and my willingness to be available is complete.

Where I am today?
Well I love to be my Master's slave. We are however, more than slave and Master. I know at all times I am my Master's slave but I forget as I am learning. My own everyday insecurities and inadequacies for example have been triggered as a result of how my Master is. And forgetting my position as well as us negotiating how we are in our relationship has resulted in me forgetting how to be. Negotiating, disagreeing etc.
I have had bed feelings. Thankfully my Master is patient and tolerant with me and probably because he also loves me.
I am very thankful to my Master for the way he is with me whilst he is teaching me to be his slave.

Of course this is only one element of me so I hope to try and gain some clarity about all of this as I continue to write to you here.
Bliss
x

Sit back and enjoy the ride .......................

Stop thinking that you have to make it happen Bliss and let it happen ......



That you have to be better, and be yourself

That I've ever judged you and be free

The Universe



I like this reading - powerlessness and acceptance of it means I can let go and relax.

So long as I have put my action in ......

If and when I can take this on board, I feel so calm and free and peaceful.

I had a sense of this briefly this morning - just let everyone be as they are and be myself too - generally I have quite a happy disposition. Not thought when I am trying tos econd guess what everyone esle is thinking. Oh no! Then I am in turmoil and usually very negative. I get paranoid and everyone is against me.

Oh my gosh! I think it's flipping well hormonally magnified too. At times these last few days my thoughts have been pure lunacy - people telling me lies, or at least hiding the truth from me. Not really likeing me at all. Any nice behaviour is actually just a cover for all the shitty stuff being done behind my back. Gosh it must be a nightmare at times trying to be my friend.

I saw E the other morning. She said she had a sore throat and was feeling generally grotty. She was less than friendly towards me. I have spent the last 3 days trying to work out exactly what I have done wrong that has annoyed her so much with me. I have replayed recent weeks of conversations. Almost verbatim. Do you do that? And how bloody self centred!!!!! Everything is about me.

And then I thought I had upset M. I had written on Skype that I thought she was grumpy and then thought she had seen it. Not only that I thought she was judging me on an issue of behaviour that we have differing opinions about.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr I am mental

Gosh I just heard my friend in such pain. I am so so scared of being hurt. I feel real love for JH. I hate my insecurity and paranoia and am working on this within myself.

I am putting trust in him because he says I can. I like him so much and love him so much.

But as my feelings are intensifying I am becoming more afraid of being hurt. It's so sad.

I do not want my fear or my insecurity to stand in the way of my love for him or stop him from being able to love me.

I truly enjoy all that is rich about the way I see we are together. If I can keep things in today, then everything that has been in this day with JH has been lovely. I could do with more just because I like the interactions and communication between us. I like how I feel.

As soon as I think beyond this moment and into tomorrow - argghhh - the projection can be annoying.

So in today - i feel fondness and love. I smile with the funny things that pass between us, the silliness at time, the hours and hours of talking about things. Our thoughts around elements of our relationship (think we certainly analyse a lot and maybe this is not so healthy - I don't know, any thoughts??)

I am so so looking forward to being with JH on Saturday evening.
So the Universe' message is so appropriate. I am in a beautiful relationship with JH. I so enjoy it. I love the feeling that comes with loving and being loved. Enjoy - stop trying to make things happen and be myself just as I am. I am enough!!!
The groups and 1:1's today seemed easier. The migraine symptoms are mainly easing. There have been a few moments when I have felt clumsy and not seem things clearly. And of course the tracking of what is being said and the meaning has the eluded me.
I feel so sad for one client who just cannot see beyond her self-berating. I truly think she needs some long term help. She has a lot to come to terms with. Sometimes there is a client that really touched my heart and she is one of them. Dual diagnosis - so horrid to see the confusion brough on my MD.

Anyway there was some good work in group. Enjoyed the Step One lecture I gave. he he - so long as I enjoyed it as P would say then that's all that matters!!! Ha ha hahahahah

Pah, I have eaten too much this evening - feeling fat! Grrrrrr

OK now I am either going to watch a film OR go back n SL. SL isn't that inspiring this evening - actually I have not bothered to explore places really. Catching up with a few of the characters I met.
And that's it. It is very different now that I am consciously not being flirtatious with or without any motives.
I did think that trust takes time, and faith grows with consistency. So in reality, like my very very wonderful friends, the trust in them and the faith has grown over all the time I have met them. I also grown to like and love them. Some people have fallen off my bandwagon as they did not live up to the person they presented. That's the way of things I guess and how we learn to put boundaries down and still the other person is about and even close.

I have been getting a little confused. M spoke about the amount of time JH and I are speaking. I mentioned it to E too. Both thought it a lot but neither are judging outwardly. I said something to JH about me thinking we were talking a lot. Actually I am loving it and so said this because in my nutty hormonal madness i thought i should to appease them. Grrr at me. I am not keeping things very clear. Jeez hormones are a bloody nuisance when they do this ort of thing. Not a great natural evolving system. Hormones are clearly necessary but have not evolved without curses. They should have developed a way of functioning without messing up other things like my sanity he he he he he.
At least I have some clarity now of what is being said and patterns that I can pick out. I am best in group after about the second week and the clients are starting to move forward slowly. I am not so good and become quite controlling whilst they are in the first 2 weeks. I am not good with the chaos and then don;t like my controlling behaviour. Never like it when I emerge as controlling. Something is very wrong as my usually other unhealthy mode of operandi would be to be completely passive.
Learning there is in betweenie land.
Want to tell JH that my reason for talking about time talking is not because i think anything is wrong.

I hope he makes contact with me this evening after his time out and about. I love him and miss him. Everyone is also saying that it is not easy to have a long distance relationship. Well I know for one thing I want to be with him more and more.
Gosh it's weird thinking he might read this.
Not only my slushy stuff but also my appalling English - lack of colour and creation with my words. I would like a more extensive vocabulary but I don't do anything to help with this. I need to read more I think.

Friends Galore and a few more

There's never just one right answer Bliss,

And there's never just one right question

the Universe


I like this - fluidity.
Yuch! More feebleness. I went to the GP today. Oh my G. She had to examine me. The loss of any dignity at the hands of this woman who simply treats the body as something of medical interest. I commented on how I could not do her work and at that point we entered into conversation about how she is fascinated. Yuch.
And so as a result I have now to attend another more specialised examination - grrrrrr.
It seems that the days of going to the doc and being sent away are over. Now every visit results in something else. Maybe I am making a fuss. To be honest it was not me that thought I should go. I made the appointment and went because others were more concerned than I was. Well it seems there is more to investigate.
THEN .... as if I didn't put myself through enough I called Dr D the head doc - from one end to the other. He said the MRI results were good - no lesions or signs of any damage. So it told him about yesterday and the symptoms of disassociation. He mentioned a word I do not want to even repeat beginning with e. I am certain this is migraine but they seem to be looking for other things. It's the fact I rarely get a piercing headache just a sort of vision problem where there is an impression of not seeing everything. And words, even though I know them. don't seem to string together or make sense. I have felt nauseous too. All symptoms of migraine. He now will be suggesting I see a "higher" level consultant. Grrrrrrrrrr. Dr D asked me if when I hear the words do I think I hear them - ha ha ha - I think he was ewdging towards locking me up and getting rid of the problem for him all together. We all know I am insane but I don't hear voices - the invisible people talk a lot of sense I think!!!!!!!
I want it all to stop and just return to happy, healthy me!
Oh and then JB got very upset worrying about me. Gosh he really was very concerned. I joked about him being the lucky one because if I am losing the plot I won;t remember that he is ill nad he can't keep telling me as if its the first time and get it off his chest on a daily basis.
Ha! He was too upset to see the funny side fully I think. I was touched at how concerned he is and how much I matter to him. I am so lucky to have the friendships that I have. And I keep seeing how many I have. I always think it's limited to one or two but actually there are quite a lot of people who offer me real big friendship.
JH, M and E and A - JB, A and G, R, mmmm is that it? Surely not. Oh yes K, H and little h, R, K,
S, mmmm well that's it for the moment. There are more I am sure he he he he. Oh P at some level.
Hope anyone reading this doesn't realise their intial is missing................
I have studied today - not as much as I need to. However, I am interested and "getting" it. I just need to write the essay now. I will try to write some each evening so that it is done for Friday.
I so know I will not do it but have to. It is not going to be my best price of work yet again but I do weant to submit something to increase my average mark to at least a pass. I am disappointed with my efforts this year. At the same time I want to try and give myself a break. Apart from being more enthusiastiv about my love for JH and being with him albeit via the ether - I am also working full time which I was not doing last year. Not only is itfull time but extra hours to boot. Lots of extra hours and a very long journey - which is becoming increasingly difficult to sustain. Cost of petrol for one thing but also my tiredness after a demanding day.
I would like a job closer to home but equally as rewarding and within positive working environment too. I will write this as if writing to the Universe too. Hello Universe - more local job, reasonable hours and a decent remuneration, opportunity for training and a good working environment with fully supportive meanagement and a good team. Regular clientele and reliable income is important too. Some stability and appreciation for dependable and consistent input.
I would be really interested in the opportunity to expand my own knowledge in my work and equine therapy is one area I am keen to explore amongst other qualifications and growth through experience.
Mmmm I am sure I can add to the list - not quite sure how to satrt my part in this action but at least making a start by asking you Universe for things that are coming to mind instantly. Always wary what I am asking for incase I get it without having covered every aspect tee hee. I know you Universe and your sense of humour.
Anyway I am listening too for your ideas and all the routes that you might send the messages.
I haven't really written about JH. Reason - he might be reading about himself!!!!
I have already modified my earlier posts because I didn;t think it was appropriate reading. This is aplace for me to write very very frankly indeed. I am very happy for him to be aware of this blog. I am not sure how healthy it is for me to write everything.
Things that I will write about - my destructive insecurity and how it manifests. I find it so so ugly.
Well the incredible feelings deep inside of me - these are surely spiritual. They are augmenting as the intimacy I have with JH deepens. Honesty and openness. I get scared too. I will write about that
There is much to write about this relationship. I have much to share with you
Love Bliss

Feebility????????

M is back! It's lovely to have her here.

I felt ill this morning. A really odd sensation. As if I am not connected to my brain. Sensory information is being taken in and even seems famiiar but it is not making sense. This surely is migraine. My vision seems impaired and words seem not to make sense. It's a sort of dissociation. It scares me that I might stay in that state and never associate or reconnect properly again. What a horrid state to be left in. I do not relish the idea of being stuck in my body. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly had a really profound effect on me - and the recent news item I heard of a man also in the locked in syndrome. How absolutely terrifying like being buried alive too.

I had to take myself to bed. I slept apparently for about 45 minutes. It made me laugh too because J had called and M spoke to him. Then E called and M spoke to her too. M has been in contact with y friends more than I have today.

I did gradually come together through the day (I am now writing this on Monday - thefollowing day).
I just felt feeble and feel so ashamed of feeling ill and showing my weakness. Grrrr.