Clingons - tch!

The truth not only sets you free, Bliss, it slays all dragons, banishes all fears, connects all dots, and casts a brand new spell over those who've yet to see you as I do.


And you already had the world spinning in the palm of your hand...

Careful now,

The Universe
 
This is true! Surprise, surprise. Over the years I have been learning what true honesty actually means.
Just to be able to say that I am nervous in a situation or that I am afraid or that I don't know.

Funny day - physical pain, resurrection of feelings regarding SH - but feelings of vindication, relief and release.
Trying too hard and reacting too with clients. Actually reacting more from colleague feedback instead of going along with own instinct and style.

Loving my Master.

I wrote a long long Blog which I lost as I was typing. Grrrrr

Open to feedback

By the way all my realisations are my own - so could be way off track.
Any feedback with ideas and interpretations are welcome - if there is anybody out there
Is there?

Mirror, mirror, people spinner

Surprise reflections

Sure, there have been surprises. Some, not so fun.


But you have to admit, Bliss, with hindsight, moving forward was actually easy.

Something worth remembering,

The Universe



Well there have been some realisations for me today. Yes surprises. Mmm some not so fun when I see myself. But definitely worth remembering as I can move mountains when I acknowledge surrender accept and choose to be different.

Thanks Universe for the power of insight and reflection. Yes thank you.



Well my first self observation has been that knowing my Master and love is busy doing other things evokes something in me. As this was earlier in the day and lots of things have happened at work and more revelations as well, I have not got a grip on what is evokes.

I think it was feeling a separation. He is busy doing things and things he seems to be really enjoying. I am not jealous. This in itself is progress for me. I am not insecure. I am delighted that I do put real trust in my Master and my love. It's something to do with the fact that he is so fully ensconced with what he is doing - rightly so - and he is less able to be in contact with me. Perhaps I am not priority. Yet I do not expect to be his priority when he is with his children for example. Gosh this seems complex.

Then when I do receive a text or contact I am over the moon and feel very privileged - this is the reality. My Master, my love does make the time when he can and how wonderful that feels. I feel so grateful.

I am not sure of how accurate I am in my understandings after observing this. And of course not being in the feeling now it is not so easy to fully explore.



And then a big bit awareness. Having finished work I suddenly really felt in need of my Master's love for me.

Well I picked away at this as I was driving along and realised that I was feeling guilty for the IM contact I had had with my first Master Senor DD.

During this contact Senor DD asked me what I wanted if there was contact between us. I said this was a good question and I didn’t know. He became quite angry with me. He was angry he said that he had released me and not taken the offer of selling me. He said that it was disgusting that there was nothing for him after releasing me. That neither I nor my new Master made any contact or he was permitted a reciprocal arrangement having loaned me in the first place.

I was apologetic that he felt so angry but did not know what to say in regards to what he was angry about. Then I said that I needed to go and he said he was really furious now because I did not even give him the courtesy to request permission to leave and he said goodbye. Again I did not know what to say so simply left.

I have felt guilty or even disloyal to my Master and more importantly my love. I was wondering why I was feeling so guilty. And I realised that I was and have had a fondness for Senor DD from the start and he was also my first master. And so by entering into any conversation felt uncomfortable. Now what I realise is that I am a novice at moving from a sort of close friendly interrelationship to one that is now enormously altered because I am in love and love someone else. I have informed Senor DD honestly that I love my Master both in SL and RL and that a loving relationship has been born out of being his slave. So when Senor DD asked what I might want with regards to contact I really didn’t know the answer. I would hope that he would be acceptant of my love and that it might be possible to be friendly and him respect my Master and my love as my priority. I am not sure if that is possible for him as I never expressed this. But what I realise is that as a slave I am still expected to follow slave etiquette with other Masters an ask permission. But I would not follow any demands on me that would encroach on my relationship with my love. For example I would not be able to accept any requirements that would involved any intimacy or sex etc. That is only for my love who also happens to be my Master.

I think there are some life lessons here and all is not clear right now. I realise that if Senor DD is not willing to be happy for my situation now then I would have to withdraw from contact (which already may be the case anyway because I offended him by not acting as a slave i.e. asking permission).

This is all still slightly confusing – I do not have clarity exactly about what is going on. But I am glad that I have identified why I am feeling guilty in connection with My Master and more importantly my love. On assessing it though I feel great because I am monogamous and have nothing to hide from my Master and my love. I am true to him and I like being decent and dignified in this way. Just the way in which I was communicating with Senor DD was possibly not clear. I am not actually sure whether I would bother reporting this growing awareness to Senor DD – it is a pity in a way because I have enjoyed the learning.

And then I was able to ask my Master and my love to make contact with me because I wanted some sort of reassurance. I didn’t need to be needy. I didn’t fall into insecurity and jealousy. I retained my self-esteem and dignity and asked for a text. I feel marvellous that I have not withered in a pit of black esteem. Because I have identified the process I have been in.

I hope if My Master and love gets to know about this it will be clear to him. Because this has been a real awakening for me and a reinforcement of my commitment to him. My love just grows. I love being owned by him and I enjoy my personal growth.

This then leads onto my Master and love’s fondness for a woman. He has said that he wants to inform her of his altered status, i.e. a girlfriend. I believe he has been reluctant t do this. I can understand the reluctance based on the fact that by telling male friends I am concerned that they will no longer actually wish to continue being friendly. How I am interpreting this though is that he does not want to lose the possibility of a more “fertile” relationship sometime. I know this is my own thinking and not based on any truth. And then from my own experience there are people that do disappear even though there was no romantic involvement, perhaps the “fun” was based on certain availability and the intrigue – an interest with an agenda. So converting this kind of interaction into a supportive friendship especially when the interaction was pretty fragile in the first instance – gosh it hurts that he was fond of her and wants to nurture that fondness. Why does it hurt? I am not clear about this yet.

I think it is to do with the fact that it is an untested relationship and perhaps he will some time want to find out if they could be good together. This despite my Master and my love committing to me. What if there is some time when we are having a difficulty and rather than commit to working through it turns to her. He was also involved in her vulnerability. Know plenty of men who get a sense of self through being saviours. They are usually love addicts in some way and are not then conscious of their powerlessness. Choices are made all too easily without a consciousness. However, my Master and my love seems to be very self aware and makes clean choices. Again I put trust in my Master and my love. I have no reason not to. If there is any reason it would present itself at some time. I would at that time have to be strong to be boundaried and self protect. Until then trust and enjoy.

I am sure my difficulty with this will become clear. I just hope that he will choose to clear things up sooner rather than later as all the time he chooses not to I wonder why? Is he keeping her in reserve? Why is he so afraid of losing her? But then I could see that in me – I didn’t want to lose the very loose relationship with Senor DD or JK or Cepit etc. And of course with less and less contact the friendship dwindles. And the truth is revealed. True friends are there and supportive and don’t want to come between me and my love and my Master.

I am not sure any of this is clear. But I am getting some light on myself.

Please Universe help me to continue to learn and grow. Please help me to be a good slave and lover. Please help me to nurture myself so that my worth and self esteem are strong. Please look after my love and my Master. The priority is with my love.

Would appreciate any thoughts of enlightenment

The Greatest! Really?

You're the greatest, Bliss.


You're truly the greatest.

Thank you,

The Universe

Commit to me

Bliss, you're the only person who knows what's right for you.


The only one.

And if you already know what this is, commit to it. If you don't, commit to nothing.

Only you know,

The Universe

Limited attention capacity

It's one trick, Bliss, to manifest exactly what you want.

It's another to bring about something even better.

Leave the door open,

The Universe


What I want is to be able to be with my Master, my love all the time. But I know that if I trust then it will always be better than me trying to control. I can put in the footwork and am starting to think about how to do this.

The final outcome always has room for something even better. Any other thoughts on this would always be appreciated.

Master JH has returned home. I feel the sense of intense longing. I want to feel the warmth of his body, smell his essence and be close, body against body, skin on skin. I love him and adore him. I am in love with him. I am able to go beyond what have been my limitations with him.

I have been able to start facing my insecurities. My need to control my fear of being abandoned or left for someone better. Master JH has stood firm and helped me face this.

Basically I can see that being owned has helped with this. I think I have written about this before.

Anyway, this has developed further. I realise I can sense deeply my Master as his attitude or mood alters even subtly. I am very aware I don't what necessarily is going on behind the change - it's a slight or subtle change in energy that I can detect at times. probably not all the time but when I do it's so obvious to me. I am so clumsy wit this sort of thing, I am not sure how to handle this sense. So far I have been loathe to be so forthright because I am still trying to trust that my Master will respond equally as openly. So I must put my trust in the process. All I can do is remind myself to be honesty and be open.

I can say to my Master when I detect or sense a change and then share my thoughts on what I think might be behind this.

I am very very sorry that the ways in which I have reacted when my insecurities have been triggered in the past. My Masters behaviour reflects my action. He has expressed his nervousness about telling or showing me in case I react badly. This is not all there is to it though. He has his part in it too, i.e. be able to be open about everything. I think that be reserved about some things raises the question about what is the need to keep things from being in the open. Anyway I don't have answers about right or wrong ways, just learning how to be with the way things are and trusting. I am learning to trust.

And being my Master's slave contributes to being able to practice - acceptance, faith, self-worth just for starters.

To be up to date about this......

After a little while of being captured as a slave to Senor D, I was beginning to be pushed to some limits very very gently. Senor D's rules - no bad feelings, no thinking. He was conditioning me I realise.

Then I encountered Master JH. He interested me with his very simple enquiry about watching me.

Well after a brief encounter we met again at which time I enquired whether he would like me to sit at his feet as his slave to experience what this might feel like for him. This escalated so quickly. I asked Senor D to loan me to Master JH which he did for 2 weeks and in that time I started to fall in love with him. As the end of the loan approached I so wanted Master JH to wish to keep me. And so the negotiations began one evening for Master JH to acquire me from Senor D.

This will sound all so strange I am sure. And in reality it is and was. And yet it works. This of course was all taking place online in an unreal world yet real people transacting real transactions within reason.

I have kept the transcripts as a reminder of how strange this all really has been.

Master JH I think was surprised that his online requirements were met by me in my real world. And so our adventure was beginning.

Daily meetings became daily Skype conversations, became twice daily, became a weekend visit in person,became a return visit for even longer, became another long weekend visit. All the while our love developing and growing.

I am my Masters slave, his love and lover. He is my Master, my love, my lover and friend.

I would like for this to continue to grow positively and I truly believe it will and so the Universe is right - my next want is that we are together on a daily basis, everyday living. Living daily lives but it can be better than that, better than anything I can want for. I can see how we are better than simply being together. That is merely another format.

I have learnt that being in physical presence brings all sorts of sensations - sight, auditory, sensory touch, smell, taste. It is not possible in theory to be attentive to all the stimuli through all the sense at the same time. We are remarkable together because we are constantly working on consciousness. So I think we are lucky to be practicing awareness of as much incoming information as possible. Of course information becomes cognitive processes and behaviour and trips into beliefs from the past and memories, knowledge, etc etc.

Then the Skype contact is reducing sensory stimuli so making it possible to be more aware of fewer senses perhaps. And then the telephone - even fewer senses being triggered so even more concentrated consciousness. I love that we have access to all of these to practice awareness of self and between us.

So maybe being better than being together is knowing the benefit of different ways of interacting.

And we can surely bring this into our future however it unfolds.

I am feeling sorry that I removed from here some of the experiences I had with CY. I have nothing to hide from my Master but as I knew he would be reading this I removed information. Actually I will re-post but it will probably all be on one post and therefore in a jumble. But it is about being open and I can be. If I am doing things I am embarrassed or ashamed about then I should not continue doing it.

Our weekend together was just lovely. Easy. Unusual as well. Loving. Funny. Restful. Interesting. Inspiring.

We are really living as loving us and all the while he is my Master too. I am trying to just be with this to see how the two interrelate. Both have their place and yet when I am with Master JH I feel less slave and simply lover, loving and loved.

I have fear that I will be left. I trust Master JH would not do anything specifically to hurt me. This does not mean things cannot change. Right now I love and like everything about us together,about him and about me with him that I would not want to lose the connection.

Well fo today everything is great and I am happy.

Freedom through ownership

Life is where one goes, Bliss, to temporarily believe in death, fleetingly forget their power, and briefly have the Dickens scared out of them, voluntarily.


All in the name of adventure.

You're bad,

The Universe
 
What do you think this means?  Mmmm I understand that life is a big adventure. But what is meant by the rest of this message from the Universe?
temporarily believe in death - why termporarily? I believe in death - it happens but what happens after that I really don;t know. I have all sorts of theories and even some extraordinary experiences that mights suggest that death is not the end. Even though the word we use for the end of life here suggests the end.
The funny thin is the person may be dead but the spirit lives on so noone is ever truly dead. For example my mum lives on through me. Her memory and little funny ideals that I share or pass on and then hear others repeating them. For how long she lives on is indeterminable.l Hence I suppose people might like to make a mark bing enough to resonate for eternity. I think Henry VIII will resonate for eternity.
 
fleetingly forget their power - whose power? Them? The others? Who? everyone who has ever attemtpted to exert power in it's various shapes and forms. My dad, bullying men I have known, frigtening women, instituions, Governments, religious organisations. Living the adventure it is possible to feel free. perhaps this is what is meant.
 
briefly have the Dickens scare out of them, voluntarily - mmmmm well out of whom? Is this the adventureres. Explorers face the unknown and at times ths can be alarming and frightening. Huge risks without calculating the risk. This is true adventure. Trusting. And then if the person were to die - well their adventuring story lives on. Whoever they/I are/am. I am an adventurer even though in the past I considered myself boring. I take risks and without calculating the consequences sometimes, not that that is clever or something to be proud of. But I do go through the fear at times even if the fear is self inflicted, for example lack of self confidence or belief. And yes I choose or volunteer. Even a simple but lovely experience such as facing my fear of my own pride and insecurity by jumping on the front of JH's bike and him cycling me around his city. Wow what an adventure. What an experience. I feel even deeper in love with him.
 
Well I am not sure what the Universe was telling me today but that's my initial thoughts on the matter. Would like to hear anyone else's ideas on this.
 
My Master is escalating the adoration I feel. I am conditioned already.
I had a requirement to fulfill for my Master which was dropping off gradually. But he has latered the requirement slightly and as a result ignited the sexual arousal. He require that I text him when carrying out a particular function. And the moment I start writing the text  I am aroused. But not only that it is like an electric shock that starts from a very physical level but internalises. I feel his ownership of me and I adore him. I feel free through being owned because I am secure in this position (unless he gives me away but even then I am secure - just have to deal with a new Master - but of course would not be in love with him as I am in love with JH) Also though I am finding freedom with my sexuality.
I feel too private to freely express the detail of my Masters requirement - just in case someon is reading this.