Fuzzy Felts

Them

Frida

"I hope the exit is joyful — and I hope never to return — Frida"

How I relate to this sentiment!  Sometimes.
Her exhibition at Pallant House, Chichester. I am looking forward to it. It was interesting seeing the film Frida. Played by Thalma Hayek she was a very interesting character. Another creative who was off-centre. Is everyone in their own way? Or are creatives a little more 'mental health' than others?
I am certainly off centre!!

It was an interesting visit. There were not so many paintings to see and even fewer of Diego Rivera. I did love the photos of Frida taken by an early lover of hers, Nikolas Muray. Oddly her paintings resembled his photos of her. Just looking out at us.


Her story was quite wild really. At a young age she suffered with polio leaving her with one leg thinner than the other. She always wore long skirts. Later she had a terrible accient which involved her requiring lots of operations. Both her ankles were broken, amongst other broken bones. Internally her injuries were severe and left her unable to give birth. She had three miscarriages. One of the paintings I saw today was so sad relating to her own sadness at the loss of her baby before birth.
I am aware this is one of many sketches and paintings that Frida produced to help her with her grief.

She started painting during the recovery period following her accident and was encourgaed by her photographer father and her painter husband, Diego Rivera. They were both comfortably financed, he was selling his own art well and commissioned extensively for his murals. Thre were thrree paintings of his that I particularly liked.






The use of the flowers was rrepeated I believe but these were three of the paintings I actually saw. I absolutely adore the the portrait of Natasha Gelman. No doubt he had an affair with her - well that's an assumption based on the reputation he had as charasmatic and a serial lover. Mind you Frida also was frequently having affairs with men. They even divorced at one time and then remarried. When she died apparently he said he realised he loved her and was grief stricken. She was 47 years old when she ides. He died a few years later.
I imagine their relationship was fraught with tensions based on their extreme lifestyles.
My friend and I were discussing the influence of Diego's own work on Frida. There is certainly a 2 dimensional element to both. And this we likened to Rousseau as well.

There were one or two that I really enjoyed seeing of Frida's. Somehow it is not great art in my opinion and yet mocing nonetheless. Her pain is borne out through her paintings. Their story and her story are interesting. I am very very glad I went to see it. I think the Pallant overcharge for such a small collection but I was able to walk around the rest of the galelry and see other art works that I also enjoyed.




Anna Fox - commisioned photography of Butlins, Bognor Regis




I liked the photos - well some of them. It was a piece of work. But with the crew she had - someone for lighting, someone for somethign else, and another for another else it was surely not possible not to capture the moments. I know it takers and eye to get the shot. I did like the way in which there was usually a kid that just looked right into the camera at the moment of the shot. Apparently that was not a set up!

I really liked this by Michael Andrews



and this too



There was an aquatint - I have no ida what that actually is but I loved loved loved the piece but cannot remember the name of the artist. Damn it!

And there was a room for the Manuel and Loa Alvarex Brave - Mexican photographers. She learnt from him and then went on to become a very established photographer in her own right. They seperated later on....

Manuel







Lola




Humph!! I cannot find the other couple of photos I saw of hers on the internet.
Of course they both took photos of Frida and Diego. A double conection for the gallery, the Mexican connection and the Diego Frida connection and great creators emerging from Mexiaco at that time.

Ah ha found him - Colin Self





Then we had lunch and strolled around Chichester

Bliss
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Fences protecting truedom

Truth sets you free; freedom has boundaries; boundaries protect you in the truth.

Bliss
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The cooker

A Winter's Bone
A film interesting to watch for a culture really unknown to me yet somerthing I am aware of. Set in the Ozarks Missouri. The cooker is the missing father who cooks up methamphetamine. The story really is of the dark interrelations surrounding this drug culture. But it is also about the so-called dark community of secrets and support.
I don't think we have anything like this lifestyle in the UK. The poorest of the poor, keeping their own laws, looking out for their own. The nearest thing I suppose are the travellers and even when they are "settled" they seem to have their own inner world, their own way of dealing with the law. There is an od moral code. It's not a world for the world, it's about them and us but even within them no one messes with the toughies. Fear is the law.



Jennifer Lawrence acts the part well I thought. There was only one reference I think to abused girls when Ree (Jennifer) says her little sister wasn't the shining one. I am not sure what else this was referring to. I wasn't fully present throughout the film.
Yes I thought it as a good film. Oh and I did wonder how the kids had so many expensive toys???? Yet they were the poorest of the poor.
I can let go of those things though for the value of the story and a walk through this life that I have absolutely no experience of.

Bliss
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In passing ...

Breathtaking Opera vs devastating riots

Bizet's Carmen. The Opera premiered in 1875. What a wonderful Opera. I saw a recorded version of a performance at the ROH I think in 2007 but I can't verify this right now.
Carmen was played by Anna Caterina Antonacci

Aha here we are
A Royal Opera House Production
Cast: Anna Caterina Antonacci, Jonas Kaufmann, Ildebrando D'Arcangelo, Norah Amsellem
Stage Director: Francesca Zambello
The Royal Opera Chorus
The Orchestra of the Royal Opera House, Antonio Pappano 2007

I loved the energy of Antonio Pappano conducting his orchestra. And the performances were spectacular. And of course the story.
I laughed watching the push and pull of fickle love and neediness of Carmen. Her power sought through the men. Of course we do not know if she did actually fall in love with the Toreador Escamillo. Don Jose killed her. Her desire for love ended up killing her.
Don Jose also exposed his weakness but accusing her of being accursed. Not much has changed really. Still today men are "in charge" and women are the problem. What evolutionary skewedness. The purpose is that men remain superior and women can be accused as the ruination. Both parties have to take full responsibility for their part for there to be any full reconciliation of this age old segregation.
It just struck me how Don Jose referred to her as the accursed and never taking responsibility for his decisions and choosing to walk away from his mother, his (supposed) love, his commitment to his work. Carmen, was empowered through her sexuality. France was already a Republican state at this time but with stark differences between wealthy and poor. Spain was flourishing at this time considering it was a poorer country anyway. I am not sure of the conflict in Spain that Bizet is referring to.  Perhaps it is simply the differences arising with the Basque societies who I believe were opposed to changed imposed on them. Although Seville is South West Spain.
Ah it was revolutionary time in Spain. In fact it was all going off at that  time. So indeed it was a time of turmoil and differences.

"The story is set in Seville, Spain, around 1820, and concerns the eponymous Carmen, a beautiful gypsy with a fiery temper. Free with her love, she woos the corporal Don José, an inexperienced soldier. Their relationship leads to his rejection of his former love, mutiny against his superior, and joining a gang of smugglers. His jealousy when she turns from him to the bullfighter Escamillo leads him to murder Carmen."

Maybe the setting doesn't really matter. Bizet wrote it late 1800's and set it in early 1800's. He was French writing about Spain. And influence by other literature of those times. So probably it's a mish mash of influences, wars, poverty, sex and love.
Anyway as an opera to view it was wonderful. I was truly spellbound. A beautifully performed play.
I would love to be able to afford to regularly attend the ROH. It's way out of my affordability - the trip to London, £180 per ticket, appropriate clothing etc etc. Oh well. At least I have been once in my lifetime and at a time in my life when I have really been able to appreciate it. And the experience introduced me to more awareness and openness.

How very, very middle class England this all is - :)

My dad called this morning. I think he had forgotten I was supposed to be working at Roehampton today but anyway I am not. He explained how ill his wife is and that a serious decision has to be made with very difficult consequences to her health to be considered whichever decision she makes. He ha an opinion he said. I am not sure how he is emotionally. He wasn't giving anything away. He expressed concern. He was phoning to say that he is taking her home for the weekend and she goes back into hospital on Monday.
I feel dreadful about the way I think. I still have so much resentment about this woman. I am angry with my dad that she has any importance to him at all. I want him only to have care for my mum. The resentment t is huge and I would like and am very very willing to let go of this. I have tried over the years to pray for them to be happy and to have all they they want together and as individuals. But the anger at the loss of my mum still settles with them. How dare she is what I say frequently. And of course this is embroiled with the fury I have felt all these years and undealt with relating to my childhood with my ad. I was a daddy's girl everyone would say and some still think. And actually yes I was the little girl of a disgusting daddy. In some ways he was great, truly great - funny, intelligent (misguided intelligence I would say), loving in a strange kind of a way. He was strong and fit. Yet he was twisted and mean. He was angry and it spilled out everywhere where my mum and I were. Years and years of lifetime with this man and never knowing that I could emotionally, mentally, spiritually get away. I was imprisoned by him and stayed there until recent years. Gosh I wonder how many people die still imprisoned.
But there is the fallout! I am having to re-learn. I oscillate between absolute adoration for him and sadness at the distance between us to hatred and fiery fury - although this lessens as I get more acceptance and forgiveness. And I truly do get more and more.
inheritance". Ha! I have no rights, all I am is his daughter and he has been distanced from me for what seems forever. So why on earth would he leave anything to me. And then I thought I would have to contest the will and fight the widow and daughters who will all have formulated opinions associated with my dads lies blah blah blah. And how I think she has a part in keeping my dad and I apart although in my heart I know that he will have the biggest part in that - his lying will make it necessary to keep me away in case I spurt out a truth that he will have to try and cover up. I don't know of course but I can imagine. And also I thought if she dies he might "want" me a little more. It might be the opportunity for us to get closer again. When my mum died I was estranged even more and then when this woman became apparent (he knew her before - bastard) then it was the biggest edge between us ever. I have so much resentment towards her. Please HP help me to be free of this resentment.
I pray HP for her to get well. I say that through gritted teeth but the caring loving person in me really does wish her well. I cannot imagine how dreadful she feels right now I would not wish that upon anyone. And my dad must be feeling something as well even though he cannot or will not articulate it or even allow it. Her poor daughters as well. My dad would probably be so co-dependent he would be likely to give more away to them if anything dreadful does happen to T.
My mum and I used to plan how we would live together when my dad was dead. We had plans! And it all happened around the wrong way. It was dad who was very ill and my mum seemed OK and yet it was she who became so ill that she died. Death and the loss - so much a part of life but so difficult to deal with.
I am still not afraid of my own death just the way of dying. I welcome my death and get this frigging torture over and done with.
The slow death of gradually losing energy and agility and ability is torture. And how ungrateful am I? Forever it's been like this and I have to be consciously focused on being grateful for the moment and that my needs are more than met. Ha ha. I am too aware and yet not aware at all.
So yes it's all about me again. I even felt guilty that my concern about feeling gleeful was more because I am scared of retribution and I will be made to suffer ten-fold for having such glee at someone else's misfortune. Ugly ugly resentments. And horrid too to admit this to anyone.
I called my friends - M, E, A to try and talk this through with them. M had fix-its. I just needed to be listened to. I listened to her reasoning. How impatient I can be. I listened to her relating but with what sounded like well how do you I have felt kind of attitude. I was talking about the difficulty I have with my dad being with another woman and this seems to be at a cost of my mum. M has that with her mum. I know that and I have it too. She turned it around though in the end to sort of relating. And she came up with fixes like be grateful I am not acting out on it. Of course I am not acting out on it. She said maybe I need therapy. What???? I need to do the work on the resentment and I can do that with Step 4 I do not need therapy for that!!! What I understand from this but am not sure is that it's difficult for her to hear the emotions and thinking. Maybe because she has them herself, maybe she doesn't want me to have to be feeling difficult feelings. I am not sure but it all felt like not allowing me to have my thoughts and feelings. What I am pleased about is that I didn't react. I listened. I could hear my impatience a couple of times an I allowed the subject to be changed onto other things simply because then I didn't have to fight. I was also pleased when she said again about A and I both getting very strong in our opinions and how that impacts on her and for the first time I said that she is the same. I said that I am trying to be more aware and alter my behaviour. And so am glad to be more aware but as yet still blundering in and only realising sometimes afterwards and very occasionally now during. So far I have not had the wherewithal to know before I open my mouth and plunge in. It is about practice though so I am not giving myself a hard time today, simply smiling at little me.

The riots! Well it is horrendous. The criminality is not acceptable. However, I do wonder what the underlying issues are? In my opinion the growing divide in this country, the lack of education - keeping the poor poor by not educating, the free market and Conservatism, the undealt with anger from centuries, the commercialism, and more ....
I am horrified by the frenzied attack by these people. I imagine once the frenzy began it as impossible to tame inside each person en masse. Motives would not be accessible to these people because no one teaches people about these things. We now right from wrong of course. And the thing is injustice seems to be a powerful force that people will cross their own principles especially when it's driven from them when young. The spiral of dissent and descent.



Bliss
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