Gripping fat

Part 2 of the men who made us fat.
We are being trapped into eating more
They realised that if they could increase the portions people would want to eat more.

64 oz of sugar - 50 teaspoons of sugar
Clever marketing persuaded us that more is good.

It is truly quantifiable to see the increase in portion sizes

This is a world of over abndance - big is best and value means more.

Britains biggest breakfast - Big Boy of Fat Boy or a kids breakfast that weights the same amount as a small boy - total weight about 15lbs - if eaten in an hour the money is given back.
2 epic failures per day
They kept getting told the fat boy wasn't big enough!!!!

This breakfast would have been unthinkable a few years ago until we got the American super sizing.

Ours is a world of food 24/7 - wherever and whenever
60 % of men and women in Britain are obese. Fat is more than the external fat - it's fat around the organs too - visceral or internal fat.
Troublesome for health.
Normal would be 2 litres of internal fat.

Who wanted us to eat bigger portions?

Downtown Chicago is where super sizing started. A man called David Wallacy in a cinema had the idea that changed the way we eat forever.
1967 Ballaban cinema chain - Wallastein super sized the popcorn. Not buying multi packets he decided to make packets bigger, charginf more of cost.
Most of the cost is in the packet so this is not much to make larger and make more profit
Sales and profits soared the super size portion was born
Head unted by MacDonalds Wallastein applied super sizes to the burger chain.
He faced opposition fro witin MacDonalds - opposing super size portion by Ray Krak.

It was a board room squabble. Wallasteins persistacne paid off and he tried out his theory in Chicago - observing behaviour int he restaurant - people tipped the packets back to get every little bit out of the packets. He decided customers wanted more but weren't oign to go bac for a second portion.
So increase the portions rather than make people go back looing gluttonous.
The new portion size was ntroduced. The customer thought it was a great deal. And they saw that more food but not as expensive as buying two - this seemed like vaalue for money.
Adding a few fries didn;t cost much but could be charged at a higher price - increase in profits.

Other fast food chanins followed suit - high in sugar and fat.
Tis new world of pletny held hidden risks. The impact on health was unknown.

Wallastein called it the salt slide - the need to get every little bit out of the packet.

One man made a discovery 1974 - Stafani was studying appetite and behaviour NYC University.
Looking for rapid weight gain in rats - told graduate to get foods they like to eat - chocolate, fat.
All of the animals started to voer eat. They started gaining weight immedidatley reaching a new level of body weight.
Sugar anf fats - rats share same biological make up as humans
They seek out high energy foods in time of plenty. If only occasionally eating no problem
But abunmdance of it makes it difficult to resist.
Toxic food probalem

Behaviour in rats would be same in humans
The food indudstry now knew what Sclefani knew.

Foods being offered in ever increasing portions sizes.

Britain this revoluiotn was still to tak off
Less than 2 % of people were obese.

A whole new way of ewating was introduced by wimpy.
People didn't need much educating -

Arrival of MCdonalds transfored the way Britain ate

Peopel could afford to eat out more -
Profit boosting - counter service - faster at serving customers and serving many more people
5-6 tmes more money taken as a result of counter service

Pressure to super size came from an unexpected quarter
The sweetheart cup company said offering larger cup sizes was a way to increase profits.
The packaging giant wanted sellers to promote super sizes as being better calue for money.
Up selling - bigger portions - everyone profitting apart from the punter.

It gave the customer a semblance of choice.

Britains weren't comfortable with up selling to being with but just a choice of 3 made it easier.
There was no sense of it being bad - no debate about it
In 7-'s there was no concern about obesity the concern was about getting enough nutrition - no a single commnt about super siing being bad - still not long after the war really

rready access to cheap food on the go. IN the 7-'s eating on the streets was considred a bad thing.
Social normas have changed as it's very usual to see people eating ont he streets

Taco Bell had the answer to the stagnating in America - the value meal
It increased the amount of calories being consumed - bundling
Bringing in a starter, a main meak, a dessert and a drink.
Increase revenue by creating these bundles as value for money

McDonalds were resistant but soon took on the idea under pressure.
It reduced customers waiting time trying to decide what they wanted.
It meant people chose quickly
every 15 seocns saved in delivering the meal to the consumer adds 1% growth to the co - £290 million profits
Customers had an incentive to buy more food - combo's -
it costs an extra quarter but charged for an extra 50c
People would eat it all because they paid for it even if they didn;t ned to eat it.
So extra french fries even when not ordered - it was all eaten

Value meals rolled out globally within 3 years accoutngin for all meals sold

Still the meals got bigger.

Wall street pressured the need for more profits
1983 - McDonalds co-marketed with Jurassic Park.
Dino sizer meals

Succesful promotion and rapidly adopted by otehr restauarant chains
Over consuming - alcohol, food, jewerly, clothes etc
It's a real problem in America

Value is good. Most people look and repect value.
It seemed like a great service for the consumer. Customer were now asked if they wanted to super size their meal.
Larger portions were later dropped blaming poor sales.

Big changes in the environment - people becing conscious of super sizing - offered at proprotionally lower cost when going large.
It seemed like value as paying relatively less and probably needing less food later.
Big gulp to double gupl + 2 litres of coca cola.
More calories than in a meal

Drink sizes got bigger - more and more sugar was being poured into the American diet.

Typical soda was 7oz -

1950's only size avail was small - double gulp is 64oz of soda now available = 80 calories and nearly 50 teaspoons of sugar

if we compensated by eating less later it wouldn't matter so much
Tis exonerated supplier about portion sizes
But this was shown not to be true.
Late 1990's Rolls a nutriotionalist showed that the increas of portions over 11 days resulted in people continuing to over eat - increasing calories and gaining weight
Most people didn;t notive the bigger portions
More eaten the more eaten
If rich in caloires energy dense foods increased the desire to eat more
ie chocolate
Huge risk of overeating when eating calorie rich oods.
More calories included in weight andn volume indpendently combine - over eating

Better value and more food - food co.s ignored these warnigns
Restauarnats and supermarkets promoting the super sizing.
Started in Britain - eating outside the home was growign
A new marketing initiation increased the calorie intake
Advertising Cadbury - created the finger of fudge being just enought to give your kids a treat
Fattening snakcs was advertised as a good thing to do
Advert - doing what super size id for America it did for chocolate bars
Yorkie bar -
A bigger bar - looking more like the bar eaten all to self.
Cadbury chunkie
Market for chunkier
Now they've gone bigger na dbiogger

Mars 100g bar. Snickers and Twix too - targetting adults

Increasing the amounts for childre was the new aim ...
Sucessful box of Cadburys fingers. how to sell more - how to gets to eat more?
Give kids the excuse to eat them - advertising creating these reasons to celebrate and eat.
This created the kids reasons to have a treat every day and at any time
The school lunch box was targetted too. Implant the thought into mums head to put the treats in the lunch box
Snakcks became a normal part of kids diet. More than 1 in 10 children were obese by the early 1980's
A growing health risk
1996 the Govt could not longer ignore the problem
Study of child obesity - startling results
Children were in a new world of eating - they spent 136 million £'s buying confectionary and soft drinkgs to and from their way to school.
Prof James urged Govt to look at the foods being eaten. Deputey chief medical of ealth - Tessa Jowel
Prof thought this was hopeful - she thanked him for the report and said it was extreme.
The food and drink federation were anxious to talk to him - cofronted with 14 chief execs and harangued for hours asking why he would think of limiting advertising when it was the patents duty to monitor children and advertisign was their right.

Minister for public health later restricted advertising - many years later
2003 - warned of an obesiry time bomb - warnings and health enquiry
People did not appreciate the power the food industry has and the challenge to get them to be responsible for what they sell to people.
Cadburys Pepsi etc defensive. They wanted to keep the responsibility with parents.
Changes were demanded - to protect public health.

Left to police itself thefood industry would not monitor it's advertising message
The food indutry argued that it was personal inactiveity that was responsible of the increasing problem of obesity
JP Morgan were concnerned about the investigation of obesity on profitability

The idea that children getting fat simply co lazy was challenged
Terry Wilkins - demonstrated that inactivety was not the main cause of obesity in children.
Assumpton is inactivity but study showed that this is not true
Fatness due to eating inappropriately reduces activity.
Some children developing type 2 diabetes - not seen before in children
Usually something people got in middle age.

1990's America reported children with this problem

Measuring their activity levels throughout the day -
Over a number of years the infomation was collected
It showed that inactivity had not changed - so why then were children becomeing so obese.
They eat a lot more and more calories
Increase in portion sizes ---
Laziness was rherefore not the problem but his findings were ignored. He lost his Govt funding.
It seems easier to deal with inactivity being the problem rather than blame the food markets making profits
8 billion 3 per year being spent on unhealthy snacks.
US and UK research showed that large portions encourgaed over eating
Intensity of research started to challenge the silence.

Pledges to reduce portion sizes started - phased out king size bars of chocolate.
Promises to take action on portion size -
but there was a catch ----
Whisper duo bar - so combinations or twn bars replaced the king size.
Yhis seemed to promote sharing - but there was no evidence to show that opening the packet meant that the other bar would be shared or saved
Sharing was the new buzz word.
Re-selable bas were insited upon
Research shows the bars just lead to eating more
Typical bag sizes were available in 5 sizes - incremental increase - family size.
As the bags got bigger the more people ate - ie crisps but people did not comensate by eating less for dinner.
Snakc times will add calories to the day.
The bag is a certain cue to eat more.
These snacks are very "moreish"

Up sizing is not just in snacks. 3/4 of food comes from big food spermarkets.
Loyalty is fiercely fouhgt
Multi buy promotions
Deals - the amount of food that can be bought cheaply is everywhere because it appears t be great value.
We are being tricked.
Go in for 1 can of coke but buy 16
1 bag of crisps but buy 16 because it's value
All the supermarkets are doing it
Super sizing is weapon in the price war.

Oringinally about shfting volume super sizing is now used as a tactical weapon for brand supremacy.
Supermarkets wold rapidly when on promotion - known as expandables.
Some are more expandable than others - the capaity to consume them is greater.
If buying more poultyr then probably buy less lamb or beef.
But snakcs that can be consumed any time anywhere - they are more conumable fewer rules or rituals
So more at home eat fthem faster.
A promotion can add 2 -6 fold increase in number of sales during a promotion lasting a couple of weeks
Supermarkets promise to healp tackle obsity problem but still offering the crips sweets choclates promotions - rose 130%
Value for moeny - buy a nuber of products at reduced amounts

They say offering healthy diets with clear labelling - ie it's a personal choice. But there is a trap that people are not aware of.

1 in 3 people are obese in America

Annual medical bill 150 billion dollars related to obseity
Sign of the severity of the problem. Free market policy now considering taxation as a remedy.
No responsibility with food market.
Yale Uni - Prof Brownell
ecery business tries to maimise the deasriablity of their products to increase sales.
Many eyars now that foods high in sugar fat and salt creating increasing health problems.
Indusrty needs to be held responsible
Demanding a tax on sales of soft drinks etc.
This would decrease consumption - and the generation of money could be used towards health costs of obesity.
A soda taz was abhorred byt the indusrty  similar to tobaccos repelling the idea.
Denmark and France now impose taxes on unhealthy foods and drinkgs
IN Britain sales are still on the rise though.

A bucket full of popcorn was the start ending in a obesity epidemic.
Bigger, sweeter ever available - the problem will continue to rise unless the world learns to curb it's conusmption of unhealthy food.

Bliss

ps excuse the typose - it's typed from dictation or from the programme actually
xx

Notes on a sugar scandal

Eating food has been turned in an epidemic

2/3 of British adults are over weight and 1 in 4 are obese. Oficiilay categorsied as a dsiease.
It's happened so quickly.
On average people in Britain are 3 stone heavier than people used to be 50 years ago.
This increases the chances of a ost of related diseases.

A quarter of the population are doing battle with their weight.

We're not becoming lazier or greedier but food production is changing the way we are eating and our shape in the last 40 years
The fat we can't see is worrying. Changes in food have altered even those of us don't consider us over weight.
There is more fat in me than I might think. MRI scan reveals that fat is distributed inside the body.
4-5 litres of internal fat is in excess of the usual 2 litres of internal fat.
Thin outside can be misleading as to the fat on the inside. Invisible obesity. Fat deposits put a person at risk of diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
Not enough sleep and working logn hours are also contributors.

Fattening foods are available everywhere. The caveman in us has moved into the supermarket and tempted by all the delicious foods and the access to cheap foods.
We are being bombarded daily by the food industry to buy foods.
We are at battle with the war against food and losing the war against obesity.
In 40 years Britain has got fat - America in the 70's was dealing in political deals.
Torn apart by the Vietnamese war Nixon's America was in crisis. Prices were increasing. Nixon needed the support of housewives ad farmers.
He appointed Early Butt - Minister for agriculture in 1971

He was a shrewd academic and friend to the farmers.
Agriculture becomes a way of making a living - he said.
He had a vision to transform agriculture to mass procduction producing ccheap food on a massive scale.
Get big or get out was his motto
The death of the small holding and the birth of giant industrial farming
This mass farming was a lead in to obsesity.

George was taught about fence row to fence row farming. No land is ndproductive. Keep producing as much as possible.
It felt great at tht eim. It was the opportunity to prosper. The larger harvests became feed for the cheap beef pouring into supermarkets.
From 20 to 3000 acres George's farm grew - to grow more corn than ever had been grown before.
The more growin the more they sold - still though there was surplus.
But a new product was borne. Japanese scientists developed a product champoined by Butt. It changed everything
A process that turned corn into a cheap sweetener. A dubsitute for sugar called fructose. And farmers would become very rich.
It's gold in colour. Gold to the farmer.
The genius was the fortune was developed from the surplus - the waste to produce a brand new industrial sweetener. It transformed the American diet and ultimately it's waistline.
The number of calories went from 3200 in 1970's/late 80's to 3900. The cause of a great difficulty.

America's biggest football game and after Thanksgiving the biggest binge. IN one day US consumes 14000 tons of tortiall chips 4000 tons  guacamole, 1 1/4 billion chicken wings.
The great american meal fed on corn - bread made of corn wheat soda made with corn syprup.
The over production of corn in the 70's can be linked with the over consumption of food today.
Corn syrup spread into all processed foods.
It's greatest impact was being put into to soft drinkgs. The largest source of calories in the American diet.
Corn syrup replaced sugar - flowing into the blood sugar of America.

Cardello - director of coca cola - purchasing corn syrup.
It was an innovation at the time. Sugar costs were going up. Switching to corn syrup didn;t compromise the taste too much compared to the compelling econimic saving of corn syrup.
The taste equality was compromised for the high savings. There was not foresight of the obesity problem.
Centres for disease control didn;t strat mapping out obesity issues until 1985. The goal at the time was to mae the product ubiquitous. So all was god.
The savings caused a boom in profits and selling even more. Bigger bottles for the home. Large cups for fast food outlets.
The decisions were based on the increasing desires of the customers. Markters got more aggressive
350 cans a year to 600 per person. And America got fatter.
America's love affair with sweetened drinks grew.
Fructose is sweeter. But instead of less the soft rink companies used more. The sweeter they make it the more we buy.
Tha manufactureres deny there is an obesity problem due to soft drinks. Despite the evidence.
The evidence says that obesity is caused by peoploe consuming too many caloires and not getting enough exercise. Then there is a problem. There's a lot of work to establish causality. And nothing so far does that.
To demonise the soda companies - high fructose corn syrup loved the taste and the costs were low.
Serious consequnces though
1994 shows an increase in weight at the same time corn syrup use was spiralling out of control
Was corn syrup to blame?
Dr Schwarz studies the conversion of sugars inc corn syrup into fat.
Observing different effects on different parts of the body - he traced where in the body where the sugars are metabolised and converted into fat.
Ot was found that it contains one toxic chemical called fructose that is linked with fat.
It is in table sugar and fructose. Its in alost everything in anything sweet in the American diet and there's so much pf it it's almost poisonous. It s the quantity that makes it toxic.
Americans now eat 90 pounds of additive sugars per year.
Huge amounts of sugar going to the liver - has an impact on the body and disease
Total calorific intake is to blame according to the governmentes.

Fructose suppreses a vital hormone called lectin. It is the hormone that tells the brain you've had enouhg. But the suppression makes the brain think you are starving - leading to disease and addcition.
The sugar industry denies the claims that the ingredient can cause obesity.
Fructose is dricing obesity
In Britain we turned the same corner in the late 70's
Sugar was the ingredient in coca cola.
Advertising introducing snaking - sugary treats to eat at any time between meals.
Thios was frowed upon in the 70's but the food inudstry was working hard to change this image and rely less on hone cooking and found new times and places to eat.
The food industry6 moved food away from the home table and create a gap in the market.
They say they are just following a trend.
It's provied nutritious products that match the mew busy life styles.
The increase in snacking is something we continue not to focus on and it's a major deficiency. The food industry love it as it's a huge part of their profit.
It was the increase of sugar as well that occured. Lots of products weren't filling but nice.
A treat.
"Just enough"
The product was put into the moment.

Luxury desserts could be turned into frozen products. Millions then could buy it.
The tables were transformed - desserts were no loner for special occasions but now every day. processed foods arrived.
Mass production and frozen - no one knew what was in prepreared meals. Levels of salt and sugar consumption were rising
This was just the begininning
1974 - a new way of eating especially for children
McDonalds arrived.
Obesity statistics were really going up. We should have intervened earlier. But the data was very slow.

Britain were starting to put on weight. Noone knew why or evven cared.
Heart disease - what causes it sugar or fat?
Ansel Keyes claimed the answer to heart disease. Creating the conditions for obesity though.
K ration - 1200 calories in a compact box for soldiers in WW2 for sustenance during battle. It contained sugar products like chocolate beleiveing that sugar was energy. Keyes though fat alone caused heart disease.
1952 - Keyes took a sabatical and viewed the heart disease itself. He correlated the saturated fat diet as the culprit.
He spent the next 50 years attempting to prove himself right.
Fat was then widely accepted as the issue to fat and heart disease.
One loan voice contested him in 1972 - Pure white and deadly Yatkin. He though sugar was to blame for heart disease. But his views were ahead of their time.
Yatkins beleived that sugar was harmful and the exact opposite of Keyes view.
Yatkin pointed out the connection with fructose and this correlated with the biggest changes. He became an enemy with the sugar industry of course.
He thought they were subverting his ideas because it wasn't convenient to them.
His work was forgotten. Keyes won the battle.
Yatkins was discredited by numerous socities - as not enough data.
Sugar got off scot free. Greater amounts were consumed without any knowledge of the dangers.
Read Pure white and deadly. HIs discreditaiton was a bad service to him and society
His warnigns were ignored and we carried on eating. The industry developed more sweet foods to entice our already prepared appetites.
The focus now moves to the brain in studies to see how we react to sugar.

Observing the reaction in the brain to pictures and words of high sugar products - high calorie foods score highly.
One area in the brain the nucleus accumbens involved int he drive to reward and the frontal cortex which encosdes how rewardign food is.
It's a decding of obesity. Tastes and sounds of foods combine with our psychological make up. They integrate to whether we reach out to eat certain fods.
Seeing or smelling is woring on stimulating appetite.
The food industry wants to sell more food. The scientists want to beat obesity.
Food industry regulation - food is the most socially acceptable cue. It's everywhere.
Cue every moment when walking in the streets. The brain is constantly being activated byt the food cues everywhere.
Not even thinking about food but there are cues everywhere.
Hedonic response- highly pleasureable -momentary bliss. Highly hedonic food takes over the brain
Its often high in sugar, highly processed and so stimulating, it's over powering.

Dr Kessler suggesting thatt he pleasure for some is over powering. Not everyone but for some the brain is being hi-jacked. Recpetoirs are hard-wired to the emotonal core of the brain. The same circuits as in addiction. The industry denies that foods can cause people to be addicted.
Crabings may be different accoring to the food industry. There is a difference between liking and being addicted.
They didn't undertand the neuroscience but the food industy learnt what worked.

 Its not fair to tal about personal responsibility without considering corporate responsibility.
If right over eating is not down to greed. The food industry could have a crucial part in the epidemic.
The US Government had their own part in the 70's but they tried to fix it and made it worse.
George McGovern was set to change America's eating habits.
Dietary guidelines were developed- It went distrarously wrong.
Eating less fat, sugar and meat and salt. The food industry were incensed.
Recommendations caused a sugar lobbying to bury the evidence as false.
The sugar industry had to live with two myths - 1 that sugar was increasing in conusmption adn 2 that sugar was linked with obesity related deaths.
Their lobby worked. INstead reducing fat became the concession the food industry was prepared to make.
It was a pivotal moment. Hearings were held - resulting in fat being the problem and hit the entire industry - shelf after shelf of foods claiming be low fat and good for you.
A while new type of food was invented - low fat. It was a business opportunity - the problem was flavour though. Replicating the taste that fat made was the difficulty.
Fat tastes good ebcause it tends to stay in the mouth. Flavours dissolve into the fat so they reoccur.
Replacing fat needs a reformulating of the processing of foods.
It didn;t matter what you were putting in so long as reducing fat.
Fat was replaced with sugar.
If you put sugar in the taste is delightfult instead of like cardboard.
The lower fat potential was cancelled out by the increasing sugars in the processed foods.
People believed that you cold rink all the sugar products etc and wouldn';t get fat.
Sncakwells was a really succcesful product. Low fat so a snack people could eat.
An incredible launch and take off - when people ate the low fat products they belived you could eat boxes without any calorific effect. It became a stimuous to eat more
A tiumph for the prodect and dsitaster for the waistline.
If sugar is the cause then this was a disastrous thing to do.
Over the following 30 years the question of sugar as the problem was evident
Sugar was being questioned adn the sugar corporations were getting nervy.

The spotlight on sugar - powerful interests got together to defend it.
Some of the most powerful politicans ahd a crisis on their hands at the same time as the Iraq war.
The worlds health organisation wanted to change the use of sugar.
The sugar industry lobbyed and protested. They threatened the WHO to withdraw fudnign if they didn;t lighten up on their decision.
In Geneva the food industry showed how powerful they are.
BUt now the evience in indisputable and the industry are agreeing to take measures to reduce sugar in foods.
Food industry people are now cashing in on the now realised need to change from fats and sugars.
It's a dilemma for the food companies. Profits had been booming a the waistline also boomed.

The men who made us fat gave us sweeter food and two much of it.
Hidden calories - a disastrous legacy.
IN Briatin obesity costs the NHS over 4 billion pounds each year.
It is difficult to find moniosters who will agree about the obesity epidemic
The veidence shows it's not all the responsbility fo the inividual.

Notes on a sugar scandal

A class taste

Well what a day! All sorts of experiences to ponder and ask for guidance with ....
I always feel awkward and kind of clumsy when I meet with S. To me she seems so gracious and composed but also I think there is something held back. And then I become all sort of gushing and silly. I feel the child that's for sure when I'm with her and yet I'm old enough to be her mother.
And then whilst in the meeting I felt LARGE. Someone came over during our 5 minute break to remark on how tiny I am now. And E who I had met in my first weeks of being in FA also commented on how tiny I am. I felt the opposite. It's seems odd that I can have such an inaccurate sense of my physical self. When I've been LARGE I feel LARGE but don't see it fully until in a photograph or something. And now I'm slim once again I see LARGE, even in photographs. I was sitting in comparison yesterday.
As my sponsor was saying this morning I have this mental illness and a lot of it for me sits in self-hatred. I compare and despair as B says. And this insecurity and self-hatred means I operate in spiritual blindness. This is important to bring God into this today. God I need help to stay away from comparison with others.
I noticed that with some people I feel uneasy. It manifests in different ways. With N I feel that she is wary of me for some reason. She is almost over friendly and then distant both at the same time. I feel irritated by her for some reason. I' not sure what irritates me though. To stay out of my self-centredness I need to keep in mind her background and what might be going on for her. Of course I can project my ideas of what her issues might be onto her and that can make it worse. I know she had a relapse and returned having gained a lot of weight. When I've been bigger than other people who were once bigger than me I can have real jealousy and even hatred. It's of course hatred for myself really. So I wonder if I'm projecting that onto her. I have felt a difference in her from the friendly person I met. I have stopped calling her and she's stopped calling me. I will call her and say that I've noticed we speak less even though it was regularly anyway.
And with C I see a real defensiveness from her. She looks suspicious. I consider that her childhood in NI must have a real impact on relating with people and life  general. She can't be that old, she doesn't look that old but old enough to have had to live through some very difficult times. Probably even basic survival things. I was please that I was aware of my lack of desire to make contact with her - keep her at a distance because she is distant from me. So I said hello and reminded her who I was because I usually think no one will remember me. We chatted for a while and managed to establish a few things going on for her. She wants to return home and I learnt a little about her job, which she loves. I mentioned to B that I felt jealous of her. And when speaking to H this morning she said she often asks herself what it is she's jealous of in a person as it can be a realisation of things she wants to do. Some of my jealousy is often banal. I'm jealous that B might like C more than me. Or that others seem to like her despite my thinking of her as stand offish and suspicious. That;s when I think it would be important to step aside from my self and learn more about the person. And that's when I can bring to min that perhaps her environment has influenced the way she is. Maybe she's not suspicious at all but that's how it seems. She is very cautious about the people she has contact with. Now she is a little more familiar in the rooms perhaps she will be less threatened by other less frequent visitors. Maybe it's nothing like that at all. I would be interesting in knowing but I think that will take time. Interestingly for me the more someone is withdrawn or distant the more gushing I can be or completely ignore them.
With V i sensed a distance. However, by persevering and talking with her she has been more open. That's not my talking I hasten to add as she stated the other day how detached she realised she can be and is making a concerted effort to engage at a different level. I feel honoured that I am one of the person she has done that with this week.
So all these interactions - it's so fascinating. Then spending time with V. It was delightful that when I spoke with him on the phone and mentioned that I was visiting the Victoria Miro gallery to see the Grayson Perry tapestries, he asked if he could come along too. It was a really lovely afternoon. He is so at ease talking about all sorts of things. He was a little reluctant to talk about his family. He has decided to detach from them. His mother moved to Ghana a long time ago now. He is only in his mid 20's so he has had to fend for himself for a long time. He has no contact with his brothers. I wonder why? I had already felt as if I had pried too much as his entire demeanour altered when talking about these matters. So I backed off despite being intrigued to know more. i have to remind myself I'm not at work and also there is time to be light and breezy. So we were and there was much joviality between us.
I was really amazed at myself having taken us on the number 17 bus to Wharf Road, N1 but it was the N1C  bit that meant we were in the wrong place. Tra la la. We laughed but also I felt guilty and over remorseful. For goodness sake I made a mistake and it was a use of the internet that I didn't bother to check. Who would have thought there could be two Wharf Roads in London N1 even with the subtle difference that I didn't check. V was so gracious talking about the many times he's travelled about and got to a place without knowing where he was and to add to the problem no map either. But here we were generally in the right direction and with the wonder of an iPhone access to Maps app. It meant a little walk through to Angel and then a short bus trip. I enjoy travelling around London by bus, so much more interesting than by tube. Another short walk chatting about all sorts of things and presto! we arrived. Victoria Miro gallery, Wharf Road, Islington, London, N1. What a fantastic premises for a gallery. And Grayson Perry's tapestries were tremendous. Here are some rather poor photos as a taster ....

Unfortunately the photos of the Upper Class tapestries didn't come out clearly, well only two of them are really worth displaying. A real pity.

There are a number of things I'd like to know more about N.E.S.L - what does this stand for? It probably did say in the series. And the anchor appears in some way in each of the tapestries W.R.A.

It became clearer the ways in which the tapestries are influenced by the renaissance paintings as mentioned in the galleries description of the tapestries. As well of course as the inspiration Grayson has apparently taken from William Hogarth's The Rakes Progress. Which I have discovered is at the John Sloane's Museum in Lincoln's Inn Field. I of course now want to go there more urgently than ever. It's been something A and I have been discussing and G too.

Gosh there is so much detail it's difficult to even pin point some of the things I discussed yesterday whilst actually there. Something that was immediate to V was that the Upper Class seemed to be actually transversed with working class. He pointed out everything in the tapestry (and this is the one that I don't have an even half decent photo of) is what he knows to be working class. He said that it could be anywhere in London and then of course reading the scripture of the tapestry it became clear that he was right. The move through the classes is apparently an emulation of Tome Rakeford's journey into wealth, then loss then rebuilding of wealth and finally dying in despair and mental illness. Interesting. The funny thing is that the happiest tapestries were the working class ones. Despite all the buys-ness of them, they were bright and cheerful. The middle class tapestries appeared to be less jolly despite appearance and the upper class tapestries just seem spacious but empty space, not airy. The of course the last one showing hi dead in the gutter despite all his wealth. Gosh a very poignant tale. Is that how it is? Yes I guess for some there is that growth from nothing to enormous wealth and all the trappings but despair with it. The working classes maybe be clamouring for financial security but they are finding pleasure in more simple things. What happens to the thinkers though?

Well it's nearly AWOL time.

A way of life not absent without leave. It's funny really because it's quite the opposite from the absence, it's a real showing up for life. And yet every time I can think of it as absence.

I'm feeling hungry. I'm not sure if this is tiredness. or that I have so many things I need to do and don't want to do them - such as writing a bit more of the accreditation dissertation, tidying and cleaning, reading, walking LouLou. It's probably a complete mix of all of these things.

Oh and I want to call my dad too but have forgotten yet again to talk to anyone about this. I will call someone before I do it.

And then there was the texting with M this morning. I can seem to me that I get it very wrong with M so often. She tells me how she's feeling about things but with little compassion. Or maybe I receive it with little compassion. She is angry that I sent texts and emails asking how she is. She felt that the email was just another way of getting in and as if I'd ignored her text response. It seems to me as if she is confusing me with her mum. Would it be wrong to say such a thing. Well yes for the time being I think it is wrong to say such a thing. Instead I sent a string of words that were from my heart and also my hurt. I will include this text conversation in a separate Blog. Just for interest as it is important in working how to relate with people in the loving and caring way I desire to communicate. People matter to me and I want to convey that value in my actions and not just my words. As I have seen with Grayson Perry and with V and some other people.

I need to continue writing about this as it's important to get down I think.

So bye for now

Bliss

XX





Graham Greene

Notes from a radio programme
He toyed with women, apparently played Russian roulette with a loaded gun, he wrote about men who took huge risks.
Guilt and shame were his territory. Grappling for handholds but never finding them
Strangely inviting.
Lugubrious figure of a man.
1951 he was established
tortured an caught in their instincts his 3 characters established him as a top novelist.

Newspaper correspondent and novelist

Conversion in the 20's to a Catholic. He was a Catholic atheist towards the end of his life.
in the 50's the lies and betrayal and love were played out on a dark stage - never knowing what would be waiting in the wings.

The End of the Affair - Divine judgement was a distraction from human decency.
There is something distinguished about being disturbed

The Man Within - the character is a hunted figure.

Later he was preoccupied by the man pursued by his demons.
The first sentence is the hook

Hail new that before he's been in Brighton more than three hours he knew they meant to murder him.

Born in Berkhamstead he believed this formed him - the necessity to form a mistake. He's been playing truant ever since.

Our Man in Havanna
The Quiet American - arguments that would traumatise America a decade later.

Greene wove a moral tale.

Greene in the Quiet American told the story of South East Asia.

He was a story teller and a poet of the moment.
He was a professional spy - MI6 - he enjoyed saying he had a ID number in the service. And attached the number to Wormold in Our Man in Havanna.

King Philby - Moscow's master spy.

Guy Burgess and Donald McLean defected -

Greene's connections rather mysterious with these people. He was intensely secretive man - a lonely way of life being a writer. He wanted to be away from friends and people he loved

Evelyn Waugh was a defender of his troublesome ways.

His era was the 30's to the 80's - master craftsman.

He was demanding and had questions chewing away at him.
He asked why must it take so long to come when on his death bed.
He was not afraid of death.

Bliss
XX

To be Christian means to be poor?

One of the coolest things about time and space, Bliss, besides cattails, polka dots, and a good beat, is that everything is free.
Premium quality,
    The Universe

Here is a letter received from a friend and my response. I really would love people to add their thoghts to expand my own understandings and beliefs ...

"yesterday seemed to be a better day than usual. i seemed to be not over reacting or for that matter giving deep thought to things. the whole day went off smoothly except for night time where the tele show made me excited. i left the room immediately and began to write it all down in the paper as you said and left that paper in the bible. i was thinking later i should have burned it but as you suggested i should leave it with god. i hope god reads it.

a friend has suggested i go and meeet a cardiologist. i dont know if that would help. let me see how that pans out. but it would wasteage to go in for all these tests when i know that i am not in the right frame of mind.

i read a passage last night from the bible, it was icidently about a rich man who wanted to follow christ. christ told him to forgo all his wealth to the poor to follow him. he turned away dijected. he was a very rich man.

what idid not understand from this parable was that does being christian mean to be poor?

i am glad to interact wiht yoou again. my wife is going back to our previous employee today and that should loosen up my shoulders a bit on the financial front. i do need a break from work and fast. thanks for all your support. i do hope to meet you sooner rather than later.

yes i find it difficult to live wiht my mom these days but i guess marriage does that to you. i only pray that my mom is able to get over all her inhibitions about her daughter in laws"

my reply

"you really do put action in.
This sounds such a good start. Remember changes are the action and trust that the changes within you will happen so long as you keep putting in action. The insane ting to do is to continue doing the same thing expecting a different result.

I too am glad to hear from you. I feel as if you allow me to be a fiend to you and feel honoured that you feel able to make contact when you need a friendly ear (or eye) and I can spout off my suggestions which gives me great pleasure.It works well for both of us.

It is good to step back a little from work and observe everyone putting aside the stress. Don't forget to take 5 minutes here and there throughout the day just for yourself. Go and breathe and be quiet. Also call a friend just to make contact with people and say how the morning has been or the afternoon.
Call people who can listen to you and acknowledge your feelings without fuelling the anxiety or stress. All you need to do is to ask people to listen and understand.
Once you start observing then it will become clearer to you what action needs to be taken and by whom. When you're all involved emotionally it is not easy to see what needs to be done, it'll all be reactionary.

Yes it's interesting isn't it this idea of being Christian can mean poverty. Oddly enough the Dalai Lama talks about having a balance - financial wealth, health, hobbies and interests, family life, social life, work life, morals and principles. With all these in balance we can trust that our well-being will be taken care of. Health involves healthy eating, enough rest, and so on but not over doing it. Financial wealth means recognising what we have is enough to meet our needs, family life means spending time with people, remaining an individual but also working on the gap between each individual and the same goes for friendship.
In the book The Prophet by Kahil Gabril he says - "give your hearts but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together; for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow in each other's shadow."
I do not think for one minute to be Chrisian means to be poor. But it means to be content with enough and therefore in that gratitude you can relinquish stress. Trusting in Jesus and God means that you know you will be OK whatever happens. If you should lose your job trust that all will be well. It will be different and there maybe luxuries that have to be forsaken but so long as you have shelter and food and water and love then all will be well. Looking back things may have been stressful because of your attachment to money. Things get out of balance. It needs not to be the most important focus.
These are just early thoughts when I too often stress about my lack of finances and not knowing how to cover costs as they arise. I do not earn lots of money. I used to and to be honest I wasn't happy then either. I have lost a lot over the years - being frivolous often. I've had and I've lost. When I look over these times I have always been OK - not financially rich but OK. Wat I need to work on is finding contentment in life itself. Money can buy things but it cannot buy contentment. It can contribute to memories for sure, I can look back in euphoria and believe that doing this or that due to being able to afford to was a great time. But was it really? Yes and no - there were good elements to it but it didn't buy me inner bliss. It didn't buy me inner love. It didn't buy me inner wisdom. It didn't buy me true faith. This things can be found only within myself rich or poor. Stress deteriorates well being. So is the pursuit of financial wealth worth it?

I know in this country money drives the society. This current Government are supporters of private enterprise and self gain. I prefer to be a more socialist person and share the wealth so that everyone can have a taste of good living. Of course I can be selfish, very selfish. I want nice things and more of them. I want private healthcare so that I don't have to wait and worry about second rate service, I want a nice car, I want to travel and bathe in different cultures and experience different parts of this glorious world, I want I want I want. But the more I have the more I want. This is not necessary. You see I love to learn and I learn through travels. But I can do that any time if I just trust. I have legs to carry me. IN reality that's all I need. But no I want to be able to do it with comforts and certainty.
It appears as if money buys certainty. I think if we look closer then it really doesn't.

I wonder what your Priest would say about your question. I'd like to know more of what your thoughts are to your question.

J can I suggest that each morning you get up slightly earlier and take 30 minutes just to sit in contemplation. Follow your thoughts in your stillness. You may already do something like this. I don't mean in prayer just in quiet contemplation. Take yourself to a quiet room and ask that your wife and your mom respect your quiet time. This should become a daily practice. I'd love to say that I am disciplined at it. I am not but I practice at it. I will take my quiet time now as a result of suggesting this to you. I missed it earlier this morning.

I'm glad your wife is supporting your hard work by seeking employment herself. Is she happy to find work? Did you discuss this together? I hope it was a discussion and not a one way conversation on either part.

JK where might I find the Parables in the Bible. Excuse my ignorance. I too am interested to read them. Maybe one per day. I like to discuss these things with people and discover their interpretation. It all helps me to broaden my understanding of this crazy, wonderful world we live in.

You need to make time to visit with your mom you know. Even though you all live in the same house. This may sound crazy, but I think it would be good to invite your mom to join you and your wife for afternoon tea or something. Just sit and chat about anything and nothing - make it a 45 minute together time once a week. Or maybe all take a stroll together.
If it's difficult to live together then you need to make some changes to the ways in which you are living together. You cannot change them - your mom nor your wife but you can change you - that can be thoughts, attitude, action, beliefs.
And don't forget to pray for your mom - pray for her to be happy, healthy and to have prosperity. Pray for he to have everything you desire for yourself.
This has reminded me to pray for my new boss who I find very difficult to be around. I can all too easily blame her for causing my difficulty. She is how she is and it's me that feels the way I do. That is not her fault. So I have to find ways to be tolerant and patient and understanding. I need to listen to her. I have become aware that she does not respond well to me making suggestions even when it might be to help her understand the system. She for some reason needs to be in total control. So I can be humble. That is not forsaking myself, that is a choice to let her have the power that seems to need to feel safe. It is hard work for me to do this and very so often I forget during the day. I can feel the need because it gets stressful and emotionally draining again. That is my signal to myself that I've tried to take some power from her. I am thankful for these reminders even though they hurt me - not physically although it does manifest in physical tiredness. But I notice my intolerance and impatience building up and my anger, which can result in energising itself through behaviour. When I'm gossipping for example this is my anger coming out. I do not like to gossip or to be nasty about anyone. When I get to that stage it requires more urgent action.
You see I am beginning to become very much more aware and listen to the signs God creates in me. Then I can choose to be different and maintain my serenity once again. By the grace of God .....

So J. I need to phone a car insurance company now. I dread this as I really cannot afford it and yet I cannot get out of this village to work without a car. I am dependant and can get stressed by this. I need to trust that God is taking care of my needs even though at times I do not understand the way He does this.
So now I need to have the courage to call. I am always scared that they will judge me - points on my licence, an accident and last year I was refused insurance because I gave some false information. I feel so ashamed. I didn't do it on purpose but I feel ashamed anyway. So then I get scared to call and then time passes and it becomes more urgent and then I end up making more mistakes.
This is insanity- so instead I need to be responsible and make the calls. I have a couple to make.

Thank you for listening to me.

Sending you strength and praying for your faith to be strong.
With peaceful thoughts"


Bliss
X

Opportunism watching

For every setback, disappointment and heartbreak, Bliss, ask yourself, "What does this create the opportunity for?"
And therein you will find its gift.
Everything has a reason,
    The Universe

I liked this when I received it this morning. It's similar to what is said in the rooms that every situation is a growing opportunity and to be grateful for situations that bring growth. An AFGO I once heard it described as - another flipping growing opportunity.
Life is an opportunity to learn and grow. Every day brings new things. It's odd though because I realise that every situation is overseen through a particular perspective and depending on which perspective at any one time determines the lessons and the growth. I cannot think of an example.
But I guess I can see that the growth through the situation at work has been evolving. With every situation there is a new perspective brought in which in turn creates a new view. And so on.
Nothing works in isolation of people, environment, past experiences, current experiences, others input and influences, time of day, mental state and so on.

What have I learnt recently. Blimey! Every day brings new realisations. Just yesterday was such an interesting day of realisations for me. I was feeling very slouchy after getting to sleep very late the night before. Well actually the early morning. Tiredness affects me greatly. I feel hungry when I'm tired. I guess that's the body craving fuel to energise what is depleted through lack of sleep. Talking of which I will be going to bed very shortly. I plan to be in bed by latest 22:00. It will be later than that on Tuesday because I'm covering Aftercare and on Wednesday I'll be at my meeting, so another later than 22:00 night. I allowed myself the slouchy day. It was made easier to do that because I knew I had the extra day off on Monday (today).
I went shopping with A and G. I spent money I do not have.
I realised this morning that I'm feeling very anxious. A general anxiety but I think that some of it was guilt. Guilt that I have not done anything about administrative things, such as sorting out my car insurance. So this morning I took some action and it relieves the guilt but of course the reason for procrastination in the first place is fear. What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of learning about high costs which will happen unless I do some research. I'm afraid of making a mistake as I did before and this costing me more money (that I do not have). Having to deal with such things feels me with dread and then I avoid. I avoid all sorts of things. I avoided sending the email to KB at Southampton in case I made a mistake or was suggesting an offer that would be rejected or worse still was I making a mistake in wanting to go there??
I avoid filling in forms - laziness? Probably but also I find them hard work and complicated. I want the end result to be in my favour and form filling can be the loose link to achieving that. I want it to be right so they make that decision. I need to trust.
I procrastinate over essay for fear of getting it wrong and sometimes it's just not knowing what to write.
Fear and laziness combined are just a lethal cocktail for developing guilt and shame.
So I was pleased to get out the car insurance paperwork and make my first call. I also completed the paperwork for EHDC and delivered that. I then banked the cheque, the glorious cheque from H.M. ta office. This makes it possible to buy a few clothes and pay for the therapy workshop with SC. There may be some left to pay for a car service as well. I doubt I'll cover the cost of a washing machine by the time overdraft charges are paid.
Oh and I also paid the instalment for my mobile. I'm well and truly fed up with their rising costs and my unmanageable phone usage. This is a little manic I think. However I have messed up with the call to the US for the AWOL. That was a costly mistake.
I hope Vodafone will negotiate with me otherwise I will truly have to consider going elsewhere. They have suddenly and without warning removed the unlimited texting facility. Plus I'm gong over my minutes on a regular basis. Which is costing me a lot. I need to use my land line more often when I'm home - evenings and weekends. Plus for overseas I have paid a little extra. The problem is I'm rarely home in the evenings.
Already with Aftercare, a meeting on Wed and Fri and probably meeting AM on Thurs, I have no evenings at home. Relaxation time is at a premium for me.
Hence earlier nights are truly essential.

So I am grateful this morning for a texting conversation (free via Viber) that I identified the feeling of guilt because I haven't done some things. Now this is the mental illness. Continuing not to do things because of fear but all the time the not doing makes matters so much worse. The vicious cycle of addiction even though the addiction is removed. The mental illness is still at large.
I liked this Key - the threefold illness - and all the sharing. I will at some point write more about this.
Until another posting - good night

Bliss
XX

Black Pond and I AM

I give this 4/5. It's filmed in a documentary style at times. Then almost as a voyeur on different characters. Interesting. It's such a curious little story. And almost believable, sad, funny, peculiar.

The acting is outstanding in my opinion. And such a believable little story in it's peculiarity. There was a moment that I could have believed it was actually a recounting of a true story. Except I recognised Simon Amstell even though I couldn't think where I knew him from. And also the characters were at times so eccentric so as to be almost cartoon. However, sometimes the weirdest of tings can turn out to be the most realistic.

It was amusing and yet tragic. Each character had real appeal. The poster says haunting. Yes there was a sense of noooooooo, don't do it. I also asked myself the question "did they do it? Did Blake kill their dog? Did Blake kill his wife? Is he mentally unstable to the point of psychopathology?

It's really worth watching in my opinion. Intriguing.

John Clare is not a poet I am familiar with. But then again I am not familiar with many poets. He is quoted several times by Sophie Thompson who is herself a poet. She gave up writing poetry when she got married. There are some odd little conversations and recitals around this matter.

There are many little sub stories that take place, meaning that we get to know more and more about this family through these little and obvious sub-texts. It's as if we a re diverted off for brief moments with each of the main characters. Whilst we are also getting a glimpse into current life for the daughters and their flatmate Tim. I liked the way everything unfolds and there are these pockets of sub story. It was done in such a way that there was the continuing thread of the story but with all these very separate pockets of individuals or couples or even the three-legged dog, Boy, himself.

Directors - Tom Kingsley and Will Sharpe

Cast

Chris Langham

 

Simon Amstell

Amanda Hadingue

 

 

I Am

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

John Clare