Sunday 3 May 2009

Getting to my soul

Wow - soul feeding todday - playing music. Supposed to be studying but it's getting right inside. The sound of guitar, lyrics, the sound changes, the rhythm. It fires my soul sometimes.
But I am not getting any work done.
This is the problem when I play music I get drawn into it. The TV can be blasting out and I don't even hear it. Just doesn't lift the life it deadens it I think.
Nice evening last nigth but as ususla feel like a dreadful person for things I say and do. Yuch. I realise thought that there are so many elements of insecurity at play. I think A really has a problem with me if some sort and I don't know what it might be. So I wanted to show tat I am a nice person and how close M and I are. Yuch that owenership I show over someone. Poor M I want to apologise to her today.
I am suspicious sometimes of S's motives. I feel mean thinming like that but I seem to sense a vicious streak - I know it comes from a lot of damage but I do't think there's awareness and therefore it can be outwardly damaging to others still.
I wonder what I am doing that I am as yet unaware of that is potentially damaging to others?
Right more studying - sure to write more later

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