I was just given that little saying "the shitty committee" made me laugh. My shitty committee, tells me I am not good, I will never meet anyone nice so accept whatever is available to you, just the fact that someone pays attention to em is all I am worth.
I was all told that we addicts keep drinking salt water when what we need is nice fresh water. We keep drinking it, it makes us thirstier and eventually sends us mad. To begin with we don;t know this, then after the denial of what's going on has broken down we can't stop not even knowing where to get the fresh water from. Hopefully we find it before it's too late and we go mad and die.
What a good analogy. I made up the bit after the initial drinking salt water when what we need is fresh water. I probably don;t need to spell that out for most people bu t for me I need to have the entire story with examples otherwise I just don;t get it - all too subtle for me.
I amf eeling ashamed today.
What if though the sexual/aggression was not triggered by being abused? What if I have made that all up? What if the wound is not made but I was born with it? Then it is all me. You see I thnk I am tryiung to balme still. But I am uncomfortable with blame as it's useless. I know intellectually it is noone's fault really. My dad has been an ill man for many years. And then the men that I have engaged with apparently are liekly to have been ill too, all the time widening this wound into my sexual/aggression part of the soul. The soul surely though is made of more than sexual need for survival and procreation and aggression to aid the survival?????
I said that to S and he said yes but those are the prominent parts of the soul. Really?
I get it on an evolutionary psychology basis. But surely there is more to us humans than that. Maybe not - maybe that's the stuff we are supposed to learn.
Mmmmm interesting.
Now I need some evidence to support these theories - back to the revision.
I was all told that we addicts keep drinking salt water when what we need is nice fresh water. We keep drinking it, it makes us thirstier and eventually sends us mad. To begin with we don;t know this, then after the denial of what's going on has broken down we can't stop not even knowing where to get the fresh water from. Hopefully we find it before it's too late and we go mad and die.
What a good analogy. I made up the bit after the initial drinking salt water when what we need is fresh water. I probably don;t need to spell that out for most people bu t for me I need to have the entire story with examples otherwise I just don;t get it - all too subtle for me.
I amf eeling ashamed today.
What if though the sexual/aggression was not triggered by being abused? What if I have made that all up? What if the wound is not made but I was born with it? Then it is all me. You see I thnk I am tryiung to balme still. But I am uncomfortable with blame as it's useless. I know intellectually it is noone's fault really. My dad has been an ill man for many years. And then the men that I have engaged with apparently are liekly to have been ill too, all the time widening this wound into my sexual/aggression part of the soul. The soul surely though is made of more than sexual need for survival and procreation and aggression to aid the survival?????
I said that to S and he said yes but those are the prominent parts of the soul. Really?
I get it on an evolutionary psychology basis. But surely there is more to us humans than that. Maybe not - maybe that's the stuff we are supposed to learn.
Mmmmm interesting.
Now I need some evidence to support these theories - back to the revision.
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