I have immersed myself in work and other peoples issues today. And with so much energy. It's not that I feel energised, it's away of not thinking and not feeling.
I am home now. And shit I miss JH. I am sitting here wanting to make contact. But I also know I need some peace time. Its not peaceful of course because I am wondering what he is doing, who he is seeing or if he is being pulled by temptation. He is sitting with raw feelings and alone. And then if he does actually go to CoDA knowing how he falls in love so easily and blah blah blah.
I have to let go .......... and trust the Universe even though I am still wondering what the hell the Universe has in mind exactly. Well reality is the Universe has nothing in mind. The Universe is just doing it's stuff. Planet earth rotates as always and the Universe shifts and adjusts just as it always has done. And we humans go about doing and being.
It is so hard - I love him you see. And I am sitting here thinking how impossible this situation seems. Here is the man I love who hasn't even been realising what he was doing. And then suddenly gets some clarity and both of us know we cannot go on.
Then he starts clearing out everything - apparently closing down SL, contacts with women, etc etc. And I have said I need a little time until the weekend without any contact. I think of him sitting there without all his escapes and how will he manage. He is not used to this. Will he really find a way to manage? And I know the power of the feelings will be screaming for him to find a way to escape. It's not easy. I am siting here screaming with emotion and have this outlet as one way to do something other than betray myself. I need some time I need some time I need some time.
I love him too. Universe this hurts so so so so much. Help me! Please help me. Help me find trust that all of this horrible feeling will pass. Help me to trust that I will be OK. Universe please help JH to be safe and get all that he desires and all that he needs.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhhhhhhhhh! I hurt - I want - I hurt
No matter how hard you work, prepare, or calculate, Bliss, the final ingredient necessary to leap hurdles and manifest dreams will always come down to a little spark of magic that no amount of physical maneuvering can ensure. While simply remembering that you're not alone, can.
Flick my bic,
The Universe
JH became angry when I asked him to distinguish his emotions from his thoughts. He seemed to think I was criticising him. I wanted to establish what he was feeling and interested to know what he was thinking too of course. The difficulty with this change is the importance of being emotionally intelligent.
I think people poo poo it mainly because they don't understand it. I certainly hadn't a clue what people were banging on about - feelings????????
Emotions are the powerful motivator for behaviour - along with beliefs and attitude, amongst just a few of the human things going on. But feelings are often so sub conscious. This does not ave to be - my exploration of self involves becoming more conscious of my feelings, my thoughts, my attitude, my knowledge, my learnt patterns that are often skewed in the teaching. Oh blah blah blah. I know all this stuff why am I writing it????
I am home now. And shit I miss JH. I am sitting here wanting to make contact. But I also know I need some peace time. Its not peaceful of course because I am wondering what he is doing, who he is seeing or if he is being pulled by temptation. He is sitting with raw feelings and alone. And then if he does actually go to CoDA knowing how he falls in love so easily and blah blah blah.
I have to let go .......... and trust the Universe even though I am still wondering what the hell the Universe has in mind exactly. Well reality is the Universe has nothing in mind. The Universe is just doing it's stuff. Planet earth rotates as always and the Universe shifts and adjusts just as it always has done. And we humans go about doing and being.
It is so hard - I love him you see. And I am sitting here thinking how impossible this situation seems. Here is the man I love who hasn't even been realising what he was doing. And then suddenly gets some clarity and both of us know we cannot go on.
Then he starts clearing out everything - apparently closing down SL, contacts with women, etc etc. And I have said I need a little time until the weekend without any contact. I think of him sitting there without all his escapes and how will he manage. He is not used to this. Will he really find a way to manage? And I know the power of the feelings will be screaming for him to find a way to escape. It's not easy. I am siting here screaming with emotion and have this outlet as one way to do something other than betray myself. I need some time I need some time I need some time.
I love him too. Universe this hurts so so so so much. Help me! Please help me. Help me find trust that all of this horrible feeling will pass. Help me to trust that I will be OK. Universe please help JH to be safe and get all that he desires and all that he needs.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhhhhhhhhh! I hurt - I want - I hurt
No matter how hard you work, prepare, or calculate, Bliss, the final ingredient necessary to leap hurdles and manifest dreams will always come down to a little spark of magic that no amount of physical maneuvering can ensure. While simply remembering that you're not alone, can.
Flick my bic,
The Universe
JH became angry when I asked him to distinguish his emotions from his thoughts. He seemed to think I was criticising him. I wanted to establish what he was feeling and interested to know what he was thinking too of course. The difficulty with this change is the importance of being emotionally intelligent.
I think people poo poo it mainly because they don't understand it. I certainly hadn't a clue what people were banging on about - feelings????????
Emotions are the powerful motivator for behaviour - along with beliefs and attitude, amongst just a few of the human things going on. But feelings are often so sub conscious. This does not ave to be - my exploration of self involves becoming more conscious of my feelings, my thoughts, my attitude, my knowledge, my learnt patterns that are often skewed in the teaching. Oh blah blah blah. I know all this stuff why am I writing it????
No comments:
Post a Comment