Well, what do I say? Where do I begin?
My mind is whizzing with thoughts and ideas and questions and realisations, which are then later challenged again. Nothing is certain, all seems confusing.
Last night I felt post trauma return to me. I haven't had that for a little while and certainly not as virulently.
I had been speaking with JH and all sorts of feelings were arising. I felt hope for honesty and owning that if I am deciding to enter into this relationship again I must put trust in him.
Oh just realised my headache could be contribute to by a lack of any caffeine this morning. I am so frigging dependent on it again. 3 years without! I really did it. I longed for it a lot of that time so it wasn't a real recovery from caffeine and destined for relapse. I did not find any spirituality around this flipping chemical. HA! More less than perfection. So I am going to make a coffee. I am waiting for AB to call. She is later than we had planned so I think we will walk the Devils' Punchbowl this afternoon now. It gets dark so much earlier so hopefully we can go soon. It's so flipping cold here! I hope it doesn't snow. I think it's too cold to snow. I hope it's too cold to snow. To be honest I don't really know what is too cold or not to snow. I simply want to be snowed into my home rather than snowed out. Last year was so touch and go.
And the P take my leave from me if I can't get in. Actually they are not incredibly good employers at all. They would probably crucify me for making that public. But considering they are healthcare they do not care for their staff at all well.
I really do think it's diabolical that they do not pay for sickness. At first I was beginning to get drawn into their way of thinking. I do not tolerate people that take the piss out of a system. By that I mean people who skive off because they can. But there will always be people who take advantage of any system. However, to deprive people of the right to be sick by n ot paying them. I see people drag themselves in and it's unhealthy. It breeds a culture of distrust and resentment.
Quoted from Wikipedia - The National Insurance Act (Part I) passed in 1911 gave workers the right to sick pay of 10s a week and free medical treatment in return for a payment for 4d (the payments would last for 26 weeks of sickness). The medical treatment was provided by doctors who belonged to a "panel" in each district. Doctors received a fee from the insurance fund for each "panel" patient they treated. The National Insurance Act (Part II) gave workers the right to unemployment pay of 7s 6d a week for 15 weeks in return for a payment of 2½d a week.
It took someone else to point out to me that people really fought way bakc in the 1900's and indeed earlier for such rights. But me being me thinks I have no rights. When it comes to the perceived authority and to superiority I have this sense of being shit on their shoe and they know best.
But actually internally I feel truly aggrieved at the P for adopting sucha policy. They also don't invest in individual development yet expect employees to be current and accredited and amongst the best in the business. I see them recruit cheaply and good people becom e quickly disappointed. They recruit too people who care about the less fortunate patients and staff who give their all for the good of others. But people do become quickly disillusioned and their commitement wanes.
I stayed committed to PD. He fights for us as best he can and not only that he
My mind is whizzing with thoughts and ideas and questions and realisations, which are then later challenged again. Nothing is certain, all seems confusing.
Last night I felt post trauma return to me. I haven't had that for a little while and certainly not as virulently.
I had been speaking with JH and all sorts of feelings were arising. I felt hope for honesty and owning that if I am deciding to enter into this relationship again I must put trust in him.
Oh just realised my headache could be contribute to by a lack of any caffeine this morning. I am so frigging dependent on it again. 3 years without! I really did it. I longed for it a lot of that time so it wasn't a real recovery from caffeine and destined for relapse. I did not find any spirituality around this flipping chemical. HA! More less than perfection. So I am going to make a coffee. I am waiting for AB to call. She is later than we had planned so I think we will walk the Devils' Punchbowl this afternoon now. It gets dark so much earlier so hopefully we can go soon. It's so flipping cold here! I hope it doesn't snow. I think it's too cold to snow. I hope it's too cold to snow. To be honest I don't really know what is too cold or not to snow. I simply want to be snowed into my home rather than snowed out. Last year was so touch and go.
And the P take my leave from me if I can't get in. Actually they are not incredibly good employers at all. They would probably crucify me for making that public. But considering they are healthcare they do not care for their staff at all well.
I really do think it's diabolical that they do not pay for sickness. At first I was beginning to get drawn into their way of thinking. I do not tolerate people that take the piss out of a system. By that I mean people who skive off because they can. But there will always be people who take advantage of any system. However, to deprive people of the right to be sick by n ot paying them. I see people drag themselves in and it's unhealthy. It breeds a culture of distrust and resentment.
Quoted from Wikipedia - The National Insurance Act (Part I) passed in 1911 gave workers the right to sick pay of 10s a week and free medical treatment in return for a payment for 4d (the payments would last for 26 weeks of sickness). The medical treatment was provided by doctors who belonged to a "panel" in each district. Doctors received a fee from the insurance fund for each "panel" patient they treated. The National Insurance Act (Part II) gave workers the right to unemployment pay of 7s 6d a week for 15 weeks in return for a payment of 2½d a week.
It took someone else to point out to me that people really fought way bakc in the 1900's and indeed earlier for such rights. But me being me thinks I have no rights. When it comes to the perceived authority and to superiority I have this sense of being shit on their shoe and they know best.
But actually internally I feel truly aggrieved at the P for adopting sucha policy. They also don't invest in individual development yet expect employees to be current and accredited and amongst the best in the business. I see them recruit cheaply and good people becom e quickly disappointed. They recruit too people who care about the less fortunate patients and staff who give their all for the good of others. But people do become quickly disillusioned and their commitement wanes.
I stayed committed to PD. He fights for us as best he can and not only that he
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