I have been to a meeting and heard so many things I needed to hear - I have hope and inspiration.
I felt very dark and suicidal.
A coffee with a good friend - laughing at self. Listening. Talking about how I am thinking and feeling.
A little light relief.
I miss the man I love.
I am sorry that I am just shit at living and that I forget how to not be shitty etc.
I regret that I seem not to be able to deal easily with the situation he is in. I know it is my difficulty with things the way they are.
I have no doubt about that.
It's horrid that earlier situations have left me with a distrust. I would still love to enjoy all the great thigns that I truly have felt between us.
I want him to know that. But I feel so much pain with some things the way they are. Trust and respect take time to develop. To truly feel those things and it takes good communication.
Blah blah blah - I have committed myself to put more effort into recovery. I will increase my meetings and make more calls out for support. IIt works and gives more than could ever be believed. And tonight I witnessed that all over again.
I loved till my tummy hurt. And I chatted with people with a strong feeling of love.
How lucky I feel this evening to have that. It does not deflect from how much I am hurting. But I know I can gain support.
It hurts to be so distant and losing my love. Is this the right thing to do?
I have no idea. I just know that I keep feeling hurt and his situation and how things have been in the past have been painful for me. I am not ignoring in that the situations and how difficult they are for him. Grief, parenting, wanting to change. Phew it's a lot. Then to try and maintain a relationship and changing ways within that.
Yep I appreciate it - and I am not perfect so make mistakes with my own hurt and efforts.
I want more than merely friendship - but maybe he is right and the timing is just not right. I trust God that what is meant to be will be.
broken hearted Bliss
Grateful for recovery Bliss
XX
Happy New Year Universe
I felt very dark and suicidal.
A coffee with a good friend - laughing at self. Listening. Talking about how I am thinking and feeling.
A little light relief.
I miss the man I love.
I am sorry that I am just shit at living and that I forget how to not be shitty etc.
I regret that I seem not to be able to deal easily with the situation he is in. I know it is my difficulty with things the way they are.
I have no doubt about that.
It's horrid that earlier situations have left me with a distrust. I would still love to enjoy all the great thigns that I truly have felt between us.
I want him to know that. But I feel so much pain with some things the way they are. Trust and respect take time to develop. To truly feel those things and it takes good communication.
Blah blah blah - I have committed myself to put more effort into recovery. I will increase my meetings and make more calls out for support. IIt works and gives more than could ever be believed. And tonight I witnessed that all over again.
I loved till my tummy hurt. And I chatted with people with a strong feeling of love.
How lucky I feel this evening to have that. It does not deflect from how much I am hurting. But I know I can gain support.
It hurts to be so distant and losing my love. Is this the right thing to do?
I have no idea. I just know that I keep feeling hurt and his situation and how things have been in the past have been painful for me. I am not ignoring in that the situations and how difficult they are for him. Grief, parenting, wanting to change. Phew it's a lot. Then to try and maintain a relationship and changing ways within that.
Yep I appreciate it - and I am not perfect so make mistakes with my own hurt and efforts.
I want more than merely friendship - but maybe he is right and the timing is just not right. I trust God that what is meant to be will be.
broken hearted Bliss
Grateful for recovery Bliss
XX
Happy New Year Universe
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