Experiencing feelings can be a challenge if we've had no previous experience or permission to do that. Learning to identify what we're feeling is a challenge we can meet, but we will not become experts overnight. Nor do we have to deal with our feelings perfectly.
Here are some ideas that night be helpful as you learn to recognize and deal with feelings.
Take out a sheet of paper. On the top of it write, "If it was OK to feel whatever I'm feeling and I wouldn't be judged as bad or wrong, what would I be feeling?"Then write whatever comes to mind. You can also use the favourite standby of many people discovering their feelings: writing or journaling. You can keep a diary, write letters you don't intend to send, or just scribble thoughts onto a note pad.
Watch and listen to yourself as an objective third person might. Listen to your tone of voice and the words you use. What do you hear? Sadness, fear, anger, happiness?
What is your body telling you? Is it tense and rigid with anger? Running with fear? Heavy with sadness and grief? Dancing with joy?
Talking to people in recovery helps too. Going to meetings helps. Once we feel safe, many of us find that we open up naturally and with ease to our feelings.
We are on a continual treasure hunt to recovery. One of the treasures we're seeking is the emotional part of ourselves. We don;t have to do it perfectly. We need only be honest, open and willing to try. Our emotions are there waiting to share themselves with us.
Today, I will watch myself and listen to myself as I go through my day. I will not judge myself for what I'm feeling; I will accept myself
I enjoyed being able to speak with JH. I do feel so sad. I feel sad for him facing all that he is facing. I feel sad for me who is in love with him and letting go of that. I am pleased to have acceptance. It still hurts but I am no longer angry - well not so that I need to lash out.
It is easy to offer JH support. I do not know exactly what to do though. I hope that JH will know he can ask me.
It is possible to tolerate his untruths but it is difficult to trust him of course because of them. I hope that with time the trust can develop between us. Him being able to be more trusting that it is OK to be him (and this is not just with me) and my trust will grow as he becomes more trustworthy. But as a friend I can smile and just speak my own truth.
As for the reading I love that it helps me to give myself permission to feel whatever I feel. And I can remember that the feeling or emotion is separate from the behaviour. JH said that he doesn't like anger. Well I suppose anger can often mean that I have crossed someones boundary. And I am so terribly harsh on myself when I make mistakes. I feel like I am a let down or disappointment and I feel ashamed too which is of course the message from others shame - parents - that I have done something wrong as if intentional and suggesting I am a bad person. No, no, no!
A mistake is all it is and if someone is honest enough to tell me that they feel angry because of something I have done or said etc, then I can learn from their emotional response and make changes or practice changes in my behaviour or attitude and so on. Be gentle with myself.
As for writing, well I swear by it. I do miss the hand written journal as I could doodle there or try to put the pictures in my head down even if stick men and such-like.
However I value these pages to empty my mind nd connect with the Unvierse. And acknowledge it's power not me!
Bliss
XX
Here are some ideas that night be helpful as you learn to recognize and deal with feelings.
Take out a sheet of paper. On the top of it write, "If it was OK to feel whatever I'm feeling and I wouldn't be judged as bad or wrong, what would I be feeling?"Then write whatever comes to mind. You can also use the favourite standby of many people discovering their feelings: writing or journaling. You can keep a diary, write letters you don't intend to send, or just scribble thoughts onto a note pad.
Watch and listen to yourself as an objective third person might. Listen to your tone of voice and the words you use. What do you hear? Sadness, fear, anger, happiness?
What is your body telling you? Is it tense and rigid with anger? Running with fear? Heavy with sadness and grief? Dancing with joy?
Talking to people in recovery helps too. Going to meetings helps. Once we feel safe, many of us find that we open up naturally and with ease to our feelings.
We are on a continual treasure hunt to recovery. One of the treasures we're seeking is the emotional part of ourselves. We don;t have to do it perfectly. We need only be honest, open and willing to try. Our emotions are there waiting to share themselves with us.
Today, I will watch myself and listen to myself as I go through my day. I will not judge myself for what I'm feeling; I will accept myself
I enjoyed being able to speak with JH. I do feel so sad. I feel sad for him facing all that he is facing. I feel sad for me who is in love with him and letting go of that. I am pleased to have acceptance. It still hurts but I am no longer angry - well not so that I need to lash out.
It is easy to offer JH support. I do not know exactly what to do though. I hope that JH will know he can ask me.
It is possible to tolerate his untruths but it is difficult to trust him of course because of them. I hope that with time the trust can develop between us. Him being able to be more trusting that it is OK to be him (and this is not just with me) and my trust will grow as he becomes more trustworthy. But as a friend I can smile and just speak my own truth.
As for the reading I love that it helps me to give myself permission to feel whatever I feel. And I can remember that the feeling or emotion is separate from the behaviour. JH said that he doesn't like anger. Well I suppose anger can often mean that I have crossed someones boundary. And I am so terribly harsh on myself when I make mistakes. I feel like I am a let down or disappointment and I feel ashamed too which is of course the message from others shame - parents - that I have done something wrong as if intentional and suggesting I am a bad person. No, no, no!
A mistake is all it is and if someone is honest enough to tell me that they feel angry because of something I have done or said etc, then I can learn from their emotional response and make changes or practice changes in my behaviour or attitude and so on. Be gentle with myself.
As for writing, well I swear by it. I do miss the hand written journal as I could doodle there or try to put the pictures in my head down even if stick men and such-like.
However I value these pages to empty my mind nd connect with the Unvierse. And acknowledge it's power not me!
Bliss
XX
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