Wise reflection

 Ajahn Munindo

OK - just having breakfast and a cuppa Green ... also reading the little book of light reflections I picked up last evening.
The thing I like about Buddhism (when people are not turning it into a law) is that it is reflective of all life as it is
and not trying to change it into a Guru's direction or that there is one way. i.e. there is less judgement of people, beliefs, attitudes etc and more about encouraging people to consider themselves and also within their community changing plus consider what is unhealthy for each individual individually
And I read this this morning .....

"It has been my intention that by.sharing my personal reflections in this way, others might feel encouraged to engage in their own contemplative ability. There is a tendency perhaps fr Buddhist practitioners in the West to try to find peace and understanding by stopping thinking. Yet the Buddha tells us that it is by yaniso manasikara, or wise thinking, that we come to see the true nature of our minds, not through just stopping thinking."

This is a relief to read as so many people have said I must learn to empty my mind. But for me it is letting the thoughts become conscious and observing the thinking, understanding what drives that way of thinking. I do look for the gaps between thoughts too but even that is a thought most of the time. At least I no longer give myself a hard time for sitting in meditation thinking.
I was thinking last night about so many things, even thinking about the fact that I fell asleep a few times despite having had a good sleep the night before so realising how exhausting writing and essay is - putting together thoughts and supporting them with evidence. And I was thinking about the monk and his choice in life. Wondering about his journey and watching his meditation - I wondered how he managed with temptation and human wants like sex etc. It is a hard line to choose I think.
I was also observing that sort of electric feel that goes through me at a certain point each time I sit there for the hour. It's surprising how fast the silence goes by. Yet there is like a surge of energy that seems to start somewhere in my tummy. It's difficult to describe. It seems to emanate from maybe the solar plexus and ripples out. It feels shimmery and charged yet there is a delicacy about it too. It's not sharp or harsh. I was wondering what it is and why it happens. It seems nearer the end of the hour than the beginning.
I was wondering too about the Buddha and his story. Enlightenment. How the path narrows the more I learn about myself and the devil part of me doesn't like that. The hedonistic energy which at this time scares me. But how I am seeing this pattern yet again and observing the results and links. I was wondering if I will be able to retain not just the overall lesson but also some of the detail because the bigger message is easily shot down once temptation starts nagging at me.
Practice practice practice - that's also what I was thinking. And how I don't like being attached to organisations. That's was an interesting observation - the drive of individuality and how belonging can feel like imprisonment or making me into a group instead of being me. I smile at myself because when my self esteem is reasonable I know I am an individual whatever I am doing but I know how my dependence means I am easily lost so blame the groups instead of looking at me. At least I am more discerning now.
So these are all sorts of things I was wondering about and mulling over. It was good to clear my mind of the essays at least.