The best thing about every financial meltdown, Bliss, global or otherwise, is learning that whatever was lost, can be recreated.
Hold on loosely,
The Universe
I am holding onto the idea of abundance. I have so much really and a little financial shake up has been enough to rock me off my axis. Well I will believe that everything will be OK. It has so far in a strange way or another. And I have made it to this age. It's shocking how shocked I get and how I freeze with fear.
There are people in far worse situations than me in this country and around the world. I need to hang on to being grateful for what I do have.
Well insurance documents have arrived and now I need to call the RAC again to ensure they send a copy of my NCB guarantee. Oh my gosh this is so flipping time consuming.
I also need to call my doc to see if meds are being arranged as per my last conversation with Dr G. And LS hasn't called me re an appointment. Oh NP cancelled tomorrows tuition session - good, so tired anyway. I am sure there was something else I was supposed to do about calling someone.
I will put reminders in my phone.
Hopelessly chaotic.
Yesterday was a really challenging day at work. I was feeling very insecure and also sad that I hadn't seem to find a way to create trust in me for a client. It was horrid. And even worse being so much the receiving end of her anger which actually was huge in comparison with the situation. At the end of yesterday I drained and wondering what I could have done differently. My timing was bad with one element I believe. But with regards to boundaries and forcing the issue I feel confident that it was correct for the programme we are running. The disappointment is that if only we could have found a way for the client to stay with it and work through the process she might have gained a real moment of clarity. But she is terrified it seems of staying with the feelings. A lot of processing involved and clinical supervision was focused mainly on this matter. I expressed my sudden insecurity and was surprised to get the feedback I did. I wonder if colleagues don;t actually criticise anything much because they are scared to or because there genuinely hasn't been anything to say. I think as well hear it as we go along. I had to raise something about a difference of opinion on an issue of client suitability. I always feel so uncomfortable raising these things but also it's so important. As a result this also got clarified and it feels so good to have things light and airy and out in the open. Dealing with people who are open to discussion and not taking matters as a personal affront is wonderful. It means that anything can be worked through. And this is of course what we state to our clients. We are living proof that it can be done. And also that it's not so easy to do but gets easier with practice.
It's truly good to talk!
I talked with a friend last evening and it did so help. I was able to simply share. I shared about the insurance situation too which actually was difficult as I feel so much shame about it. Interesting. What is the shame about? That I have had such a fiasco with it, that my error in the first instance has contributed, that I have had to pay so much out as a result of my error and a series of lack of service. The powerlessness that I take full responsibility for. It's as if something goes wrong it is all my fault. Some of this is my fault and that I am ashamed of too. The fact that I have had to pay such a ridiculous amount out is also something I ashamed about. I am not quite sure where that originates from. It is a common source of shame for me when I think I have been ripped off. I am not sure where that can go back to though as a point of being shamed or taking on shame about this.
Anyway this evening I feel tired tired tired - BUT - not overwhelmed with emotions.
I need to sort out this insurance matter about the NCB. It's so important - I am useless at such things!!
It's the Summer solstice and the sky is lovely - still light
If I ha more energy I would take a photo.
Poo to energy lacking
Bliss
XX
Hold on loosely,
The Universe
I am holding onto the idea of abundance. I have so much really and a little financial shake up has been enough to rock me off my axis. Well I will believe that everything will be OK. It has so far in a strange way or another. And I have made it to this age. It's shocking how shocked I get and how I freeze with fear.
There are people in far worse situations than me in this country and around the world. I need to hang on to being grateful for what I do have.
Well insurance documents have arrived and now I need to call the RAC again to ensure they send a copy of my NCB guarantee. Oh my gosh this is so flipping time consuming.
I also need to call my doc to see if meds are being arranged as per my last conversation with Dr G. And LS hasn't called me re an appointment. Oh NP cancelled tomorrows tuition session - good, so tired anyway. I am sure there was something else I was supposed to do about calling someone.
I will put reminders in my phone.
Hopelessly chaotic.
Yesterday was a really challenging day at work. I was feeling very insecure and also sad that I hadn't seem to find a way to create trust in me for a client. It was horrid. And even worse being so much the receiving end of her anger which actually was huge in comparison with the situation. At the end of yesterday I drained and wondering what I could have done differently. My timing was bad with one element I believe. But with regards to boundaries and forcing the issue I feel confident that it was correct for the programme we are running. The disappointment is that if only we could have found a way for the client to stay with it and work through the process she might have gained a real moment of clarity. But she is terrified it seems of staying with the feelings. A lot of processing involved and clinical supervision was focused mainly on this matter. I expressed my sudden insecurity and was surprised to get the feedback I did. I wonder if colleagues don;t actually criticise anything much because they are scared to or because there genuinely hasn't been anything to say. I think as well hear it as we go along. I had to raise something about a difference of opinion on an issue of client suitability. I always feel so uncomfortable raising these things but also it's so important. As a result this also got clarified and it feels so good to have things light and airy and out in the open. Dealing with people who are open to discussion and not taking matters as a personal affront is wonderful. It means that anything can be worked through. And this is of course what we state to our clients. We are living proof that it can be done. And also that it's not so easy to do but gets easier with practice.
It's truly good to talk!
I talked with a friend last evening and it did so help. I was able to simply share. I shared about the insurance situation too which actually was difficult as I feel so much shame about it. Interesting. What is the shame about? That I have had such a fiasco with it, that my error in the first instance has contributed, that I have had to pay so much out as a result of my error and a series of lack of service. The powerlessness that I take full responsibility for. It's as if something goes wrong it is all my fault. Some of this is my fault and that I am ashamed of too. The fact that I have had to pay such a ridiculous amount out is also something I ashamed about. I am not quite sure where that originates from. It is a common source of shame for me when I think I have been ripped off. I am not sure where that can go back to though as a point of being shamed or taking on shame about this.
Anyway this evening I feel tired tired tired - BUT - not overwhelmed with emotions.
I need to sort out this insurance matter about the NCB. It's so important - I am useless at such things!!
It's the Summer solstice and the sky is lovely - still light
If I ha more energy I would take a photo.
Poo to energy lacking
Bliss
XX
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