I was deceitful today and absolutely hating myself for it. I feel so bad I don't know what to do with myself. Deceit is just another form of dishonesty and what I crucified JH for so much! I hate that I have done this and don't know what to do. It makes me untrustworthy. This is one of my very best friends and I know it was fear based and controlling too. Wanting everything the way I want it instead of respecting others in all of this. What on earth do I do? I am afraid to tell anyone as they will judge me and I will be untrustworthy to them too.
I feel as if the whole world knows anyway and can see straight through me.
What do I do? I need to speak with someone. And I need some guidance of what to do to unpick this and show everyone that actually I totally respect them and I have made a grave mistake. I do not like how I am feeling as a result of this horrid behaviour and attitude I have adopted.
I am think I am complete fuck up now. And I knew I was doing this in the morning as my day started. No wonder I was feeling so shit this morning. What do I do?
Well I have spoken frankly about this with a friend. I felt so ashamed but glad I found the courage to speak openly and honestly about my devious and deceitful behaviour. She said she agreed that it's not great. She also said to cut myself some slack. So I did this but have a really bad feel about it and so can learn. She didn't think it would be beneficial to suddenly come clean reminding me that making amends is not to clear my conscience , it's to really be sorry except when to do so would injure others. So, I think I will not say anything. What I can do is learn and not repeat this to the very best of my ability. It shows me I have some work to do on my co dependence with the people involved. I had little self worth enough to be able to ask for myself ans set some boundaries with AM. ET has offered to look after LouLou if she is available. That is really helpful and an alternative to always relying on AB. I am sure AB would be relieved too. I can tell her that as a start of an amends. I will buy her a thank you gift too. And make every effort never to do that again.
Ew yuch the pain of this action is just so horrid. I am glad to have the conscience to learn and grow away from this behaviour. I value and respect my friends too much to allow myself to repeat this. I am grateful for a good friend that I was able to risk my truth with. And to be identified with as well which helps to dilute my level of shame. I am glad for the guilt as it is this that has pushed me into taking the first steps of action - sharing the whole me with a friend. And embarrassment is useful. Being found out for what I have done is enough to ensure I feel the guilt and put in the action. I am not a bad person but have done something I consider bad. Learn and grow. Talking about it is progress in itself.
Thank you Universe for showing me what I needed to do to lead to the next step of change.
Someone said something really helpful in connection with pain I have
The positive outcome today is that I saw a collection of Egon Schiele's work. Wow! How fortunate I feel. Works that are in private collections and brought together in a lovely private gallery.
Richard Nagy's Studio at 22 Old Bond Street.
Artdaily.org article
Dreaming Woman
The Dreaming Woman
Edith Schiele
Gerti Schiele in Orange Hat
Squatting Woman with boots
Semi Nude in Black Stocking and Blue Jacket
Standing Nude with Orange Stockings
Woman removing green stocking
Gerti Schiele in large hat
Girl in underclothes
Kneeling nude in coloured dress
Close up from Dark haired girl undressing
Wally Neuzil in Black Stockings
Sleeping Girl (I love this one)
I would so love to own some of his sketches. Have you seen the prices they can fetch? $11000000 and probably more. I wonder if there are any good prints about?
I felt so lucky to be able to be in the room with few people. AM and I went back to purchase a book. And there were few people there as the gallery was soon to be closing. I observed a man sketching from the original of Gerti Schiele in a big hat. I would loved to have photographed him sketching. I didn't ask. I wish I had.
What a privilege this was. Not worth lying for. All the same I am grateful to have been in a room with all these privately owned pictures. How lucky I am and also thankful for the introduction to him ion the first instance by JH and then AM spotting the exhibition.
I am very thankful that I have great friends who help me out in so many different ways. And realising this has lifted me slightly.
Tomorrow I will call my dad and wish him a happy Father's Day.
Bliss
XX
I feel as if the whole world knows anyway and can see straight through me.
What do I do? I need to speak with someone. And I need some guidance of what to do to unpick this and show everyone that actually I totally respect them and I have made a grave mistake. I do not like how I am feeling as a result of this horrid behaviour and attitude I have adopted.
I am think I am complete fuck up now. And I knew I was doing this in the morning as my day started. No wonder I was feeling so shit this morning. What do I do?
Well I have spoken frankly about this with a friend. I felt so ashamed but glad I found the courage to speak openly and honestly about my devious and deceitful behaviour. She said she agreed that it's not great. She also said to cut myself some slack. So I did this but have a really bad feel about it and so can learn. She didn't think it would be beneficial to suddenly come clean reminding me that making amends is not to clear my conscience , it's to really be sorry except when to do so would injure others. So, I think I will not say anything. What I can do is learn and not repeat this to the very best of my ability. It shows me I have some work to do on my co dependence with the people involved. I had little self worth enough to be able to ask for myself ans set some boundaries with AM. ET has offered to look after LouLou if she is available. That is really helpful and an alternative to always relying on AB. I am sure AB would be relieved too. I can tell her that as a start of an amends. I will buy her a thank you gift too. And make every effort never to do that again.
Ew yuch the pain of this action is just so horrid. I am glad to have the conscience to learn and grow away from this behaviour. I value and respect my friends too much to allow myself to repeat this. I am grateful for a good friend that I was able to risk my truth with. And to be identified with as well which helps to dilute my level of shame. I am glad for the guilt as it is this that has pushed me into taking the first steps of action - sharing the whole me with a friend. And embarrassment is useful. Being found out for what I have done is enough to ensure I feel the guilt and put in the action. I am not a bad person but have done something I consider bad. Learn and grow. Talking about it is progress in itself.
Thank you Universe for showing me what I needed to do to lead to the next step of change.
Someone said something really helpful in connection with pain I have
The positive outcome today is that I saw a collection of Egon Schiele's work. Wow! How fortunate I feel. Works that are in private collections and brought together in a lovely private gallery.
Richard Nagy's Studio at 22 Old Bond Street.
Artdaily.org article
LONDON.- More than forty-five extraordinary works by Austrian artist Egon Schiele, previously unseen in the UK, will be unveiled at Richard Nagy’s new gallery on Old Bond Street from 07 February – 04 March 2011. Much of the four thousand works Schiele produced during his short lifetime can only be seen in Vienna; at the Belvedere, the Albertina and the Leopold Museum, or New York, primarily at the Neue Galerie.
While Schiele is recognised as one of the greatest draftsmen of the 20th Century, with watercolours making over $11 million at auction, his work is absent from museum collections in the United Kingdom and has been given little public attention in the past twenty years. In 1989, the Royal Academy of Arts staged the first and last museum exhibition in the country, Egon Schiele and his Time. Since then Schiele’s work has only made fleeting appearances in group shows, to which Nagy has loaned pieces. Focusing exclusively on women, this exhibition provides a rare opportunity to discover museum-quality drawings and watercolours from the artist’s most creative ‘Mature Period’ (1910-1918).
Egon Schiele was born in 1890 in the Austrian town Tulln, just outside of Vienna. After his father’s death in 1905, Schiele began studying painting and drawing at the Kunstgewerbeschule (School of Arts & Crafts), where Austrian painter Gustav Klimt was once a student, as well as the Akademie der Bildenden Künste (Academy of Fine Arts), both in Vienna. However finding these institutions too conservative, he left in 1907 to seek out Klimt, the leading contemporary artist of the day, becoming the painter’s protégé and friend. In some instances Schiele’s unsettling erotic work gained him unwelcome attention.
He was arrested in 1912 and charged with carnal knowledge and distributing immoral material, for which he was cleared, though he served 24 days in prison. That same year SchieleNeuzil, who he later dropped to marry the bourgeois Edith Harms in 1915. Schiele produced little in the two years directly following his marriage as he was called to serve in the army. In 1917 following his participation in the war, Schiele began to exhibit successfully across Europe with shows in Vienna, Zurich, Prague, and Dresden. When Klimt died in 1918, Schiele became Austria’s leading artist, though he died of Spanish influenza at the age of 28, only months after Klimt and three days after his young pregnant wife.
Throughout Schiele’s life, women fascinated him. As the only son in a household of women, his earliest drawings are of his mother and sisters. His closeness to his younger sister Gertrude has raised many metaphorical eyebrows – exemplified by naked drawings of her and in some instances rather provocatively so. It is evident in his early nudes of street girls, that he had a young man’s curiosity for the erotic. Schiele has an unerring genius for scrutinising the human qualities in the women he draws. This interest in women matured with his years and circumstances, and was with him until his death.
Nagy’s exhibition shows the diversity in Schiele’s depiction of women, from the tension and anxiety demonstrated in his 1910-1911 works, to his calmer, softer style of 1917-1918 when he was becoming comfortable and successful as an artist. Schiele, for so long a hidden genius known only to a few, is now one of the acknowledged luminaries of 20th Century art history. Masterpieces on display include Dark Haired Girl (1910), Woman with Infant (1910), Nude in Orange Stockings (1914), and Girl in Underclothes (1917), amongst others.
While Schiele is recognised as one of the greatest draftsmen of the 20th Century, with watercolours making over $11 million at auction, his work is absent from museum collections in the United Kingdom and has been given little public attention in the past twenty years. In 1989, the Royal Academy of Arts staged the first and last museum exhibition in the country, Egon Schiele and his Time. Since then Schiele’s work has only made fleeting appearances in group shows, to which Nagy has loaned pieces. Focusing exclusively on women, this exhibition provides a rare opportunity to discover museum-quality drawings and watercolours from the artist’s most creative ‘Mature Period’ (1910-1918).
Egon Schiele was born in 1890 in the Austrian town Tulln, just outside of Vienna. After his father’s death in 1905, Schiele began studying painting and drawing at the Kunstgewerbeschule (School of Arts & Crafts), where Austrian painter Gustav Klimt was once a student, as well as the Akademie der Bildenden Künste (Academy of Fine Arts), both in Vienna. However finding these institutions too conservative, he left in 1907 to seek out Klimt, the leading contemporary artist of the day, becoming the painter’s protégé and friend. In some instances Schiele’s unsettling erotic work gained him unwelcome attention.
He was arrested in 1912 and charged with carnal knowledge and distributing immoral material, for which he was cleared, though he served 24 days in prison. That same year SchieleNeuzil, who he later dropped to marry the bourgeois Edith Harms in 1915. Schiele produced little in the two years directly following his marriage as he was called to serve in the army. In 1917 following his participation in the war, Schiele began to exhibit successfully across Europe with shows in Vienna, Zurich, Prague, and Dresden. When Klimt died in 1918, Schiele became Austria’s leading artist, though he died of Spanish influenza at the age of 28, only months after Klimt and three days after his young pregnant wife.
Throughout Schiele’s life, women fascinated him. As the only son in a household of women, his earliest drawings are of his mother and sisters. His closeness to his younger sister Gertrude has raised many metaphorical eyebrows – exemplified by naked drawings of her and in some instances rather provocatively so. It is evident in his early nudes of street girls, that he had a young man’s curiosity for the erotic. Schiele has an unerring genius for scrutinising the human qualities in the women he draws. This interest in women matured with his years and circumstances, and was with him until his death.
Nagy’s exhibition shows the diversity in Schiele’s depiction of women, from the tension and anxiety demonstrated in his 1910-1911 works, to his calmer, softer style of 1917-1918 when he was becoming comfortable and successful as an artist. Schiele, for so long a hidden genius known only to a few, is now one of the acknowledged luminaries of 20th Century art history. Masterpieces on display include Dark Haired Girl (1910), Woman with Infant (1910), Nude in Orange Stockings (1914), and Girl in Underclothes (1917), amongst others.
Dreaming WomanThe Dreaming WomanEdith Schiele Gerti Schiele in Orange Hat Squatting Woman with bootsSemi Nude in Black Stocking and Blue Jacket Standing Nude with Orange Stockings
Woman removing green stocking Gerti Schiele in large hat
Girl in underclothes Kneeling nude in coloured dressClose up from Dark haired girl undressingWally Neuzil in Black Stockings
Sleeping Girl (I love this one)I would so love to own some of his sketches. Have you seen the prices they can fetch? $11000000 and probably more. I wonder if there are any good prints about?
I felt so lucky to be able to be in the room with few people. AM and I went back to purchase a book. And there were few people there as the gallery was soon to be closing. I observed a man sketching from the original of Gerti Schiele in a big hat. I would loved to have photographed him sketching. I didn't ask. I wish I had.
What a privilege this was. Not worth lying for. All the same I am grateful to have been in a room with all these privately owned pictures. How lucky I am and also thankful for the introduction to him ion the first instance by JH and then AM spotting the exhibition.
I am very thankful that I have great friends who help me out in so many different ways. And realising this has lifted me slightly.
Tomorrow I will call my dad and wish him a happy Father's Day.
Bliss
XX
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