Here is my test to a friendposted here so that I don't forget the thnking as I wrote it. I think it's very valid in helping me re-attach
I have written a lot since texting. It has helped. I got in touch with some fear, anger, sadness. I think the detachment is denial and blocking me up. I am feeling very, very guilty about not sending a card but it's fear! Fear I will make my dad angry and he will leave again. I think having engaged with him recently, I am terrified if I do anything he will leave. As I write this I feel so afraid and a lot of emotional pain. I think detachment is similar to the times when I just used to lie ever so still, not a single movement, and even try not to breathe so nothing bad could happen. I feel like that child. I want my dad. Yet terrified. Writing helps, sharing helps. Thanks for listening (in the form of written noises) :)
Bliss
xx
I have written a lot since texting. It has helped. I got in touch with some fear, anger, sadness. I think the detachment is denial and blocking me up. I am feeling very, very guilty about not sending a card but it's fear! Fear I will make my dad angry and he will leave again. I think having engaged with him recently, I am terrified if I do anything he will leave. As I write this I feel so afraid and a lot of emotional pain. I think detachment is similar to the times when I just used to lie ever so still, not a single movement, and even try not to breathe so nothing bad could happen. I feel like that child. I want my dad. Yet terrified. Writing helps, sharing helps. Thanks for listening (in the form of written noises) :)
Bliss
xx
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