As old flowers fall from a jasmine plant let lust and hatred fall away.
v. 377
Ajahn Munindo says ....
Ajahn Chah was in London, staying at the Hampstead Vihara. The monks were troubled by the noise that was coming up from the pub across the road. Ajahn Chah told them that the cause of suffering was their sending attention out to trouble the sound. Sound itself is just so. Suffering only arises when we "go out" and add something extra. Seeing our part in creating problems, a shift in the way we view struggles takes place. Instead of blaming, we simply "see" what we are doing, in the moment. let's not get into a fight with hatred; exercising careful restraint and wise reflection, we let it "fall away". Initially we see this only after we have reacted and created suffering. With practice we catch it sooner. One day, we will catch ourselves just as we are about to create the problem.
Well I am understanding more and more. As I practice and practice and allow myself to consciously feel my emotions and explore the motivation behind the emotion I am then better able to see the process. I am in very early stages really. However, I am not surpressing them as much as I used to. And I am at times able to assess how I reacted. Sometimes I am even able to respond with my feelings intact and not "bite" in hatred or lust. What I need to do is not act out and do something differently. I also need not to give myself a hard time when I do react first. Because otherwise I just take the anger out on myself.
So I unerstand. And this goes back to yesterday - strength, patience and determination. I want change enought that I will allow myself all of these. I am bound to make mistakes I am still very young on this path. But I am willing to learn.
I can see how I have held on for years to the emotions connected with my relationshiop with my dad. Supressed and repressed emotions. Not udnerstanding my emotions has led to me reacting to life. And some of that was very likely augmenting bi-polar highs. Gradually though it all cuaght up with me and hence a major crumbling, commonly termed as a breakdown. It has been the start though of a lot of change.
Little by little I learn and grow. I can see that every event in my life before and since has presented me with opportunities to practice being me at the stages I have been at. Each time I have had lessons presented. Some I am sure have passed me by unnoticed. But others help me to develop.
Just the event with my dad, when he said that it was probably good that I said what I said and how I said it. That gave me permission possibly for the first time ever to be who I am and how I am. He heard me. He didn't scold me for feeling hurt and angry. He was man enough tot ake on his part. That's all any of us have to do really - be prepared to be responsible and accountable. What we do may be perfectly comfortable with us but it is always, always helpful to see how we affect others. From there we can make appropriate decisions and respond rather than react.
This past year and a half I have learnt masses on all different levels, with all sorts of occurrences. I am grateful. I know that whn the dark cloud of depression lifts I will be able to be fully grateful. I will hopefully keep showing my gratitude by embracing all and developing. I hope that I can bring about change around me bu being different.
I can be so much more loving already. And some degrees of rage are easing. I don't think ti is merely a calming of the rage, I think it is actually a releasing.
Phew
Tonight I will visit the Buddhist monastry. I am looking forward to breathing the absolute calm that I feel there.
Lucky me
Bliss
XX
v. 377
Ajahn Munindo says ....
Ajahn Chah was in London, staying at the Hampstead Vihara. The monks were troubled by the noise that was coming up from the pub across the road. Ajahn Chah told them that the cause of suffering was their sending attention out to trouble the sound. Sound itself is just so. Suffering only arises when we "go out" and add something extra. Seeing our part in creating problems, a shift in the way we view struggles takes place. Instead of blaming, we simply "see" what we are doing, in the moment. let's not get into a fight with hatred; exercising careful restraint and wise reflection, we let it "fall away". Initially we see this only after we have reacted and created suffering. With practice we catch it sooner. One day, we will catch ourselves just as we are about to create the problem.
Well I am understanding more and more. As I practice and practice and allow myself to consciously feel my emotions and explore the motivation behind the emotion I am then better able to see the process. I am in very early stages really. However, I am not surpressing them as much as I used to. And I am at times able to assess how I reacted. Sometimes I am even able to respond with my feelings intact and not "bite" in hatred or lust. What I need to do is not act out and do something differently. I also need not to give myself a hard time when I do react first. Because otherwise I just take the anger out on myself.
So I unerstand. And this goes back to yesterday - strength, patience and determination. I want change enought that I will allow myself all of these. I am bound to make mistakes I am still very young on this path. But I am willing to learn.
I can see how I have held on for years to the emotions connected with my relationshiop with my dad. Supressed and repressed emotions. Not udnerstanding my emotions has led to me reacting to life. And some of that was very likely augmenting bi-polar highs. Gradually though it all cuaght up with me and hence a major crumbling, commonly termed as a breakdown. It has been the start though of a lot of change.
Little by little I learn and grow. I can see that every event in my life before and since has presented me with opportunities to practice being me at the stages I have been at. Each time I have had lessons presented. Some I am sure have passed me by unnoticed. But others help me to develop.
Just the event with my dad, when he said that it was probably good that I said what I said and how I said it. That gave me permission possibly for the first time ever to be who I am and how I am. He heard me. He didn't scold me for feeling hurt and angry. He was man enough tot ake on his part. That's all any of us have to do really - be prepared to be responsible and accountable. What we do may be perfectly comfortable with us but it is always, always helpful to see how we affect others. From there we can make appropriate decisions and respond rather than react.
This past year and a half I have learnt masses on all different levels, with all sorts of occurrences. I am grateful. I know that whn the dark cloud of depression lifts I will be able to be fully grateful. I will hopefully keep showing my gratitude by embracing all and developing. I hope that I can bring about change around me bu being different.
I can be so much more loving already. And some degrees of rage are easing. I don't think ti is merely a calming of the rage, I think it is actually a releasing.
Phew
Tonight I will visit the Buddhist monastry. I am looking forward to breathing the absolute calm that I feel there.
Lucky me
Bliss
XX
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