HIghly creative

“The definition of good and evil in an evolutionary context is very simple: that which is good is what encourages and inspires the creative impulse and enables it to grow and to move forward; that which is evil is that which actually inhibits it....” - Andrew Cohen

Sometimes it's difficult to know I think. I have to listen very carefully. But when I do my instinct tells me. Perhaps it's that I don't want to listen. Ego and self-centredness can be a force to be reckoned with and the quieter voice waits patiently to be heard.

The essay is done - juts some tweeking perhaps this afternoon. I wan t to get the experiment application completed before I go to speak about the play. Yep! I am meeting within someone this morning to talk about writing and creating a play. I am not sure that she will be patient enough with my commitments outside of her and the play. Work, long days, studying and tiredness. Not to men tion the recent bouts of depression. If I can get on a high then there will be boundless energy but I am not sure how usefully it can be directed. Mind you lots of creatives have been bi-polar. Doesn't mean to say theya re any good I suppose tee hee.

I was up early after a very strange dream. It always fascinates me how people are one persona dn then they metamorphise into someone else. I actually noted the moment Peter became my dad.
It was scary to begin with. I was in our (not sure who the others were but I think my mum was one of them) house. It was built on a rock out to sea. I could see the coast and my mum had gone to the mainland. LouLou and I were in the house. A storm was forecast which at first wasn't at all worrying but as the sea was swelling it was becoming apparent that I was at risk. Even so I didn't feel panic initially. I was in my bedroom. The window was huge - floor to ceiling. The sea was definitely getting higher and splashes spraying onto the window. Gradually thogh the waves were crashing into the window and eventually some of the window was permanently under water. I knew I was in a dream and scared but couldn't wake myself out of it. I was being rescued by a big oil tanker sailing by - well they sent a little boat out.
Next I was in "our" flat /house not sure which. I have no idea who our was this time.  There were cars parked along a road in front of the house. It was a long road with nothing oppiste that I can recall. P was coming to pick me up because we were going to a wedding. I realised he had a card and present in his hands. The house was sort of his too, something to do with work. I mentioned I but I am not sure with connection to what. He said it was time to go and walked out saying to me to lock up. I started to put my key in the very intricate and unusual looking lock. Very secure. The key was quite bendy suddenly. I straightened it and used it to turn the big lock but the key bent too much to I had to clunk over the lever thingy myself. It was locked. I noticed P was in my car rather than his. I had this sense that he was letting go of being in charge all the time (which is a reflection of him at work - but with a mind to leaving which I am hating the thought of). I was worried about his thoughts of my messy car. And also concerned about where I would sit in the back. I would have to clear a space. We drove to the wedding venue, driving up the HIgh Street in Guildfor, the top part. I didn't know where the Church was as I hadn't read the invite and was relying on P to tell me. We parked up and as we started to walk in I realised P become my dad. He and i were getting on really well. I even held his hand. I felt like his little girl but I didn't want people to think that there was an old man with his younger girlfriend. I felt sick at the thought. (I always hated that when I was out with him when I was younger - people might get it confused). Oh I have just remembered that on the way to the Church I asked P whose wedding it was - it was my cousin N. But as I knew it was a dream I knew he is already married and too old so I rationalised it must be his daughter. When it was my dad I was talking to I was very excited to be seeing my cousin N again after all this time. And L etc etc. As we walked in I noticed my dads bum was larger that it is in real life and that he was wearing trouseers he wouldn't wwear in real life. So I was definitely aware I was dreaming. When we got in the church everyone turned around. My auntie rolled her eyes at us and we realised we were late. The bride and bridegroom were at the front. I was stretching to see who they were. Cousins' children whom I had never met. The girl was actually ML's daughter but in the dream she was the daughter of N. And the boy was the son of L (cousin from my mums side) but looked like N. They had all been waiting for us. I fetl embarrassed and intimated as we sat down that I had been relying on dad.
As the priest started his loud sermon, I saw the girl trying to talk to the boy. Whispering and shaking her head and then realised that he was trying to get up. I was chuckling and sort of amazed. I was impressed to at his courage. I wasn't sure what the problem was. And the feelign was almost a sort of embarrassment at the whole interruption. He stood up and the priest stopped. Everyone was quiet. And then I woke up.....
Really early but feeling refreshed thank goodness. Despite going to bed later I think I slept all the way through. A first in a while. Phew

Bliss
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