I have a funny empty, dull feeling. I have been noticing that when any friends call I have little to say. I am not like that when I visit A but have been like that unless something sort of triggers an interest. I did notice I was impatient with A when she is asking questions then contending some or lots of the answers she was getting. She was irascible I think for a few days. I noted my own behaviour and attitude around her and was quite pleased with my patience.
However I have this sort of restlessness. And as I look back over the years I can see a similar pattern from a very young age. I would tell my mum that I had this urge or need to do something but I didn't know what. This feeling has never left me, returning from time to time. And I am not certain but I think it is usually followed by a hive of activity and change and usually often risky or annoying behaviours for others at least.
As I was talking with M this evening I thought I was sounding boring and gloomy. But when she talked about being bored with analysis I smiled to myself as that's what I hear her do often unless she catches herself and then she tries to keep it light and breezy recently. I do think M is withdrawing from me more. Having said that she suggested we meet up for a walk this week which I would enjoy.
So this restlessness that I feel. Nothing seems to be enough to keep me on my seat and yet I don't particularly want to do anything. I want to feel occupied. Sketching helps. Film watching - well my concentration just isn't held by it and yet often I love watching a film.
So I will sketch then I suppose.
I can't even be bothered to write this now ha hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Bliss
xx
However I have this sort of restlessness. And as I look back over the years I can see a similar pattern from a very young age. I would tell my mum that I had this urge or need to do something but I didn't know what. This feeling has never left me, returning from time to time. And I am not certain but I think it is usually followed by a hive of activity and change and usually often risky or annoying behaviours for others at least.
As I was talking with M this evening I thought I was sounding boring and gloomy. But when she talked about being bored with analysis I smiled to myself as that's what I hear her do often unless she catches herself and then she tries to keep it light and breezy recently. I do think M is withdrawing from me more. Having said that she suggested we meet up for a walk this week which I would enjoy.
So this restlessness that I feel. Nothing seems to be enough to keep me on my seat and yet I don't particularly want to do anything. I want to feel occupied. Sketching helps. Film watching - well my concentration just isn't held by it and yet often I love watching a film.
So I will sketch then I suppose.
I can't even be bothered to write this now ha hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Bliss
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment