Yesterday I achieved 10 years without a drink of alcohol or use of any narcotics or addictive mind altering meds.
When I started going along to AA and NA and attending treatment, I didn't sign up for 10 years abstinence. But it's been an incredible journey thus far and I have absolutely no regrets! Nope none at all.
It hasn't been easy but when I pick up the simplicity suddenly it is very serene. And in recent moths I have discovered something even higher. It is wonderful. There are no words just as I sit and write this that fully describe what "it" is that I feel I have right now. Like everything, it can pass.
No I have no regrets. But I am a mere baby at recovery, especially looking at the full extent of escape routes from reality. So I continue to take it one day at a time and find gratitude in every little thing. There is a part of me too that would love to be a social user, with no consequences. if that were guaranteed well maybe I would but if it meant losing what I have today I would not wish to take that risk.
Yesterday was actually a selected date as I cannot recall exactly when I had my last drink and drug. However I know for sure that on the 25 Sep 2001, I had not had a single drop of either pass my lips.
Sadly this anniversary also reminds me that in November of the same year my mum died. I was not sober of mind enough to have been fully present in the period leading up to her death. other addictive behaviours were at play without me even realising it. I was I think manic too, now that I am reflecting on this with new information.
I do regret that. I was there but not fully. There was her birthday in which I skedaddled before the actual event. I am so very very remorseful. I understand more now but that does not change what happened. I feel so sad and grieve the loss of my lovely mum. And now 10 years later little Lisa is dead too.
If the soul lives on somewhere beyond life as I know it, then I hope my mum will show Lisa the way and that they can rejoice in that place called Heaven wherever that may be. Maybe Heaven is simply in my heart. And there they reside together with all the other loved ones that have died and I miss immensely. I carry them with me and all I have to do is think of them.
Well done me for the great path I chose to follow that day in 2001. It was a long time choosing with a few meanderings on the moors and through the trees. And it's been uphill and down dale, winding and circling and always, always interesting. Along the path I have met and travelled further with some people who are still walking along with me. There are those that have joined the path and then moved off in a different direction. Others turned back from whence I came. I am curious about what happens next. I do know though that so long as I keep stepping life will happen and I don't need anything to act as an escape. It's an ongoing adventure full of joy.
Trudging the path to happy destiny
Bliss
XX
When I started going along to AA and NA and attending treatment, I didn't sign up for 10 years abstinence. But it's been an incredible journey thus far and I have absolutely no regrets! Nope none at all.
It hasn't been easy but when I pick up the simplicity suddenly it is very serene. And in recent moths I have discovered something even higher. It is wonderful. There are no words just as I sit and write this that fully describe what "it" is that I feel I have right now. Like everything, it can pass.
No I have no regrets. But I am a mere baby at recovery, especially looking at the full extent of escape routes from reality. So I continue to take it one day at a time and find gratitude in every little thing. There is a part of me too that would love to be a social user, with no consequences. if that were guaranteed well maybe I would but if it meant losing what I have today I would not wish to take that risk.
Yesterday was actually a selected date as I cannot recall exactly when I had my last drink and drug. However I know for sure that on the 25 Sep 2001, I had not had a single drop of either pass my lips.
Sadly this anniversary also reminds me that in November of the same year my mum died. I was not sober of mind enough to have been fully present in the period leading up to her death. other addictive behaviours were at play without me even realising it. I was I think manic too, now that I am reflecting on this with new information.
I do regret that. I was there but not fully. There was her birthday in which I skedaddled before the actual event. I am so very very remorseful. I understand more now but that does not change what happened. I feel so sad and grieve the loss of my lovely mum. And now 10 years later little Lisa is dead too.
If the soul lives on somewhere beyond life as I know it, then I hope my mum will show Lisa the way and that they can rejoice in that place called Heaven wherever that may be. Maybe Heaven is simply in my heart. And there they reside together with all the other loved ones that have died and I miss immensely. I carry them with me and all I have to do is think of them.
Well done me for the great path I chose to follow that day in 2001. It was a long time choosing with a few meanderings on the moors and through the trees. And it's been uphill and down dale, winding and circling and always, always interesting. Along the path I have met and travelled further with some people who are still walking along with me. There are those that have joined the path and then moved off in a different direction. Others turned back from whence I came. I am curious about what happens next. I do know though that so long as I keep stepping life will happen and I don't need anything to act as an escape. It's an ongoing adventure full of joy.
Trudging the path to happy destiny
Bliss
XX
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