All music jars when the soul is out of tune - Miguel de Cervantes
The author of Don Quixote - which I have never read!
It's my mum and dad's wedding anniversary today. I have only just remembered. I wonder what is going through my dad's thoughts on this day. With his current wife unwell and in memory of getting married to my mum. I so miss her. I wonder what she would be thinking from Heaven on this day. I think she would be concerned about me but happier than she ever used to be. I know she wanted grandchildren I expect she would be sad to see me on my own too. Perhaps she would understand now with the full picture available to her. I am sure she would be relieved that there is some sort of reconciliation between my dad and I even if it is not how I would hope it to be. It is certaily improvement. I am more forgiving of the past.
I read this and have a fuller understanding of it ...
Being human, there comes a time when I can't seem to do anything right. I'm out of whack and irritable. I don't want to do the basic things I know from past evidence that help me or talk to anyone. I feel I need relief, maybe a little snack, a drink, a flirt, a search through the Internet or something else as a distraction...
Am I still trying to prove that, like others, that I can occasionally eat, drink, drug, escape just for pelasure, for a pick-me-up or to pass the time? Do I really believe that I can handle such behaviours?
When I'm out of sorts and think of such behaviours, it is natures way of telling me I ned to make healthy choices and take action - fast!
Just for today - Thinking of "using" in any form is not simply having pleasure. I can't do anything about my thoughts, but I certainly can go to a meeting, call my sponsor, read prgramme literature or say the Serenity Prayer.
Bliss
XX
The author of Don Quixote - which I have never read!
It's my mum and dad's wedding anniversary today. I have only just remembered. I wonder what is going through my dad's thoughts on this day. With his current wife unwell and in memory of getting married to my mum. I so miss her. I wonder what she would be thinking from Heaven on this day. I think she would be concerned about me but happier than she ever used to be. I know she wanted grandchildren I expect she would be sad to see me on my own too. Perhaps she would understand now with the full picture available to her. I am sure she would be relieved that there is some sort of reconciliation between my dad and I even if it is not how I would hope it to be. It is certaily improvement. I am more forgiving of the past.
I read this and have a fuller understanding of it ...
Being human, there comes a time when I can't seem to do anything right. I'm out of whack and irritable. I don't want to do the basic things I know from past evidence that help me or talk to anyone. I feel I need relief, maybe a little snack, a drink, a flirt, a search through the Internet or something else as a distraction...
Am I still trying to prove that, like others, that I can occasionally eat, drink, drug, escape just for pelasure, for a pick-me-up or to pass the time? Do I really believe that I can handle such behaviours?
When I'm out of sorts and think of such behaviours, it is natures way of telling me I ned to make healthy choices and take action - fast!
Just for today - Thinking of "using" in any form is not simply having pleasure. I can't do anything about my thoughts, but I certainly can go to a meeting, call my sponsor, read prgramme literature or say the Serenity Prayer.
Bliss
XX
No comments:
Post a Comment