Just a little thought about fear. I was wondering where all this fear comes from. Now I've often heard people say that addicts are people who are super sensitive. I don't know if this is true or not. What might be possible in as my own theory is that there are indeed people who are more sensitive than others. And this is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. In fact both are needed in the greater scheme of communities and survival if I take an evolutionary perspective. Those that are pragmatic and less sensitive will have the focus to get things organised and done whilst those that are sensitive will be acutely aware and mindful of others needs or indeed of potential dangers. However, these sensitivities have seemingly been less useful as communities have changed and pragmatism appeared to be the only useful way forward. Getting things done and achieving. As an example, my dad could not abide emotional reactions to situations. This will have been a mix of extreme emotions from his own mother.Well this is what I gathered from things he has implied. Then he went off and joined the army and had to be completely stoic in matters of killing and death of associates. So emotions were completely redundant to him by this time. Now as a child if I was sensitive rather than receiving reassurance I was scolded. This will have created a hyper-sensitivity. Being sensitive was admonished and so the things that I was sensitive to were not stabilised. I was not given guidance how to manage these situations. In fact the situation was worsened with a fear element introduced. There were times though that he could be the hero and the saviour,e ven gentle. But it was so inconsistent and this in itself created uncertainty. I had to use my sensitivity to try and gauge which version of him was present. And of course never really being able to gauge fully, thereby beginning to question myself. When I was cautious he might be really lovly and vice versa. Especialy with other people around. He could be so very charming and others wouldn't see the frightening, dangerous version of him. So I could feel quite insane. He would deny everything of course compounding my feelings of madness.
The start of a world full of fears and uncertainty, little else.
I feel very grateful that I had a relationship with my mum that offered some certainty and reassurance, so I know what it can feel like. I could snuggle into her and feel safe. She even tried I think at times to confront my dad but he was a fearsome fierce force to take on. He was so so raging in his heart and this spilled out everywhere.
The next layer is that somehow my bran wiring leaves me with a predisposition to depression and addiction. I am absolutely certain these are not defects or disabilities as they are often labelled but also there will be an evolutionary perspective on these conditions. However, these days there is little use seen for them and could be the escalation of inconsistency mixed with sensitivity. So indeed maybe depression is a corrupted form developed from that unhealthy mix. And addiction? Well I think that has it's uses in less extreme forms for tenacity. Similarly OCD and other such extreme symptoms. Anyway, the lack of containing sensitivity even by acknowledging it and valuing me coupled with a propensity towards addiction then looks as if the two come together. Indeed I meet a majority of addicted people who are incredibly sensitive people. But it's so "knocked out" of people because it's considered not useful or weak to be sensitive.
I rally value my sensitivity. I can use it to help me to be mindful of myself and of others. When I stop and feel it byt the way as I know I need to with LK. I am mindful away from her of deep rooted fear that is explosive and disruptive. It creates chaos.
Please Universe help me to be mindful and loving in all situations. Please Universe I offer LK to you and please bless her heart. Please bless my dad's heart and his wife's too. Please bless the hearts of all of my wonderful friends, colleagues and fellows. Please Universe put love and bliss in the hearts of everyone around the world and save us from wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.
Oddly all of these can be sexualised and appear tempting. For instance in movies with Dracula, his "brides" can be temptuous creating lust which will lead onto all the others, such as envy evoking wrath, linked with pride and gluttony, over indulgence and extravagance. Versus greed which is the desire for more. Eek it all sounds so horrid and yet can look so tempting. The devil is temptation in form. Gosh it can be hard to resist temptation.
Hmm anyway lots of thoughts .....
Bliss
XX
Hieronymus 'simages of the Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things
The start of a world full of fears and uncertainty, little else.
I feel very grateful that I had a relationship with my mum that offered some certainty and reassurance, so I know what it can feel like. I could snuggle into her and feel safe. She even tried I think at times to confront my dad but he was a fearsome fierce force to take on. He was so so raging in his heart and this spilled out everywhere.
The next layer is that somehow my bran wiring leaves me with a predisposition to depression and addiction. I am absolutely certain these are not defects or disabilities as they are often labelled but also there will be an evolutionary perspective on these conditions. However, these days there is little use seen for them and could be the escalation of inconsistency mixed with sensitivity. So indeed maybe depression is a corrupted form developed from that unhealthy mix. And addiction? Well I think that has it's uses in less extreme forms for tenacity. Similarly OCD and other such extreme symptoms. Anyway, the lack of containing sensitivity even by acknowledging it and valuing me coupled with a propensity towards addiction then looks as if the two come together. Indeed I meet a majority of addicted people who are incredibly sensitive people. But it's so "knocked out" of people because it's considered not useful or weak to be sensitive.
I rally value my sensitivity. I can use it to help me to be mindful of myself and of others. When I stop and feel it byt the way as I know I need to with LK. I am mindful away from her of deep rooted fear that is explosive and disruptive. It creates chaos.
Please Universe help me to be mindful and loving in all situations. Please Universe I offer LK to you and please bless her heart. Please bless my dad's heart and his wife's too. Please bless the hearts of all of my wonderful friends, colleagues and fellows. Please Universe put love and bliss in the hearts of everyone around the world and save us from wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.
Oddly all of these can be sexualised and appear tempting. For instance in movies with Dracula, his "brides" can be temptuous creating lust which will lead onto all the others, such as envy evoking wrath, linked with pride and gluttony, over indulgence and extravagance. Versus greed which is the desire for more. Eek it all sounds so horrid and yet can look so tempting. The devil is temptation in form. Gosh it can be hard to resist temptation.
Hmm anyway lots of thoughts .....
Bliss
XX
Hieronymus 'simages of the Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things
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