What a lovely call I received this afternoon, from G (FA). He didn't recall having called me before but that's totally OK. He described how he was relaxing wth his legs up, with the football on, the phone list opne and something else as well that I can't remember. It sounded all very loving and peaceful. I was inspired by his apparent serenity and approach to his creativity. He's in his 7th week of The Artists Way.
I liked his thoughts on completing Step 10 every day. I'm not there within FA, still reading the keys or tools up to number 5 today (not Step 5 to differentiate). But he asks himself a series of questions
Have I been honest today? Any areas that I haven't been honest?
Have I been selfish today?
Have I developed any resentments today?
Do I need to say sorry to anyone today?
What fears have I had today? How has my behaviour been affected by these fears?
Then he said he has started asking of hiself how he feels about these questions. Taking it one step further than short sharp answers.
I always liked how L suggested I think fo 3 things that went well during my day and 3 things I'd like to do differently and how I would do that.
Well there is a dishonesty I have that I really can't share publicly - well it's about downloading - and so at the risk of being caught it's something that's contantly on my mind as dishonest and not acceptable. But I'm so unwilling to give this up.
Have I been selfish today? Well mainly I've been by myself. I tried calling my dad. I spoke with a couple of FA people. I've contacted M and went to collect my purse from AB.
Oh I recognised my intolerance of 2 others I spoke with earlier. I tried not to be selfish and listen instead and show interest or gratefully receive suggestions. I am hoping my sharpness wasn't detected as that would be the selfishness creeping through.
Any resentments? Yes well with the second person telling me what I needed to do wthout having really listened to what was important to me. My realisation. I think I've managed to let it go. However, I think it's there slightly each time I speak with her. There is an art in truly listening and hearing. So yes I think I have a resentment from today. I'm glad to realise it so that I can ask God to help me let it go.
I have a huge resentment with LK. And I am praying just as hugely for the resentment to be lifted from me. My part in all of this - well I think I'm holding on too tightly and thre's so much fear ot the changes and not being confident or competent. I also don;t know how to manage myself within the boundary-less situation now. It's confusing and I feel deskilled as well as uncertain. So then I feel the fear. It manifests through me as controlling. I pray to be able to go with the flow, maintain my boundaries and not need to kick against the rigidity. Please God help me to be friendly and flexible and loving.
I have fear about my finances and yes that has caused me to feel in need of escaping today. I am resnetful with myself for being lazy and avoiding my stidying. A whole day.
Do I need to make any amends today? I'm really not sure. Amends to myself perhaps. It's easier of course to not engage with too many people. I have been slow today and not cleaned my flat although at least have got through some of my clothes washing. I got petrol and did a food shop. I haven't done some important admin work. Yes there are a number of things that are left unattended to which is not necessarily self caring. At the same time I'm tired, which seems to be a permanent state right now. I've not felt this drained for many months. I do wonder if it's viral and hormonal. There has been the pulling feelilng in my tummy and breathlessness. Well now I come to think of it yes those things are there alongside the flaring or intolerance today. It's quite possible that there are some hormonal shifts occurring but less noticeably than before because I am not carrying all the weight as well. Hmmm interesting thought. So I need to be gentle with myself.
Observing myself - these four things I need to watch - dishonesty, selfishness, resentment and fear.
I am quick to feel resentful I think. Please God help me to remove this and be more gracious and gentle with myself and the world around me. More accepting of people, places and things. If it is your will.
Bliss
XX
I liked his thoughts on completing Step 10 every day. I'm not there within FA, still reading the keys or tools up to number 5 today (not Step 5 to differentiate). But he asks himself a series of questions
Have I been honest today? Any areas that I haven't been honest?
Have I been selfish today?
Have I developed any resentments today?
Do I need to say sorry to anyone today?
What fears have I had today? How has my behaviour been affected by these fears?
Then he said he has started asking of hiself how he feels about these questions. Taking it one step further than short sharp answers.
I always liked how L suggested I think fo 3 things that went well during my day and 3 things I'd like to do differently and how I would do that.
Well there is a dishonesty I have that I really can't share publicly - well it's about downloading - and so at the risk of being caught it's something that's contantly on my mind as dishonest and not acceptable. But I'm so unwilling to give this up.
Have I been selfish today? Well mainly I've been by myself. I tried calling my dad. I spoke with a couple of FA people. I've contacted M and went to collect my purse from AB.
Oh I recognised my intolerance of 2 others I spoke with earlier. I tried not to be selfish and listen instead and show interest or gratefully receive suggestions. I am hoping my sharpness wasn't detected as that would be the selfishness creeping through.
Any resentments? Yes well with the second person telling me what I needed to do wthout having really listened to what was important to me. My realisation. I think I've managed to let it go. However, I think it's there slightly each time I speak with her. There is an art in truly listening and hearing. So yes I think I have a resentment from today. I'm glad to realise it so that I can ask God to help me let it go.
I have a huge resentment with LK. And I am praying just as hugely for the resentment to be lifted from me. My part in all of this - well I think I'm holding on too tightly and thre's so much fear ot the changes and not being confident or competent. I also don;t know how to manage myself within the boundary-less situation now. It's confusing and I feel deskilled as well as uncertain. So then I feel the fear. It manifests through me as controlling. I pray to be able to go with the flow, maintain my boundaries and not need to kick against the rigidity. Please God help me to be friendly and flexible and loving.
I have fear about my finances and yes that has caused me to feel in need of escaping today. I am resnetful with myself for being lazy and avoiding my stidying. A whole day.
Do I need to make any amends today? I'm really not sure. Amends to myself perhaps. It's easier of course to not engage with too many people. I have been slow today and not cleaned my flat although at least have got through some of my clothes washing. I got petrol and did a food shop. I haven't done some important admin work. Yes there are a number of things that are left unattended to which is not necessarily self caring. At the same time I'm tired, which seems to be a permanent state right now. I've not felt this drained for many months. I do wonder if it's viral and hormonal. There has been the pulling feelilng in my tummy and breathlessness. Well now I come to think of it yes those things are there alongside the flaring or intolerance today. It's quite possible that there are some hormonal shifts occurring but less noticeably than before because I am not carrying all the weight as well. Hmmm interesting thought. So I need to be gentle with myself.
Observing myself - these four things I need to watch - dishonesty, selfishness, resentment and fear.
I am quick to feel resentful I think. Please God help me to remove this and be more gracious and gentle with myself and the world around me. More accepting of people, places and things. If it is your will.
Bliss
XX
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