I spent the night sleeping beside my love and Master - he was there in his home and I was here in mine. Yep! He humoured my want to stay online all night and sleep. I woke up a few times and there he was snoring away. I smiled. I listened for a while and smiled again. How amazing it is that I have met someone who would participate in this silliness of mine. I loved him for it.
I am sure I have a lot more to write in this Blog - so much to catch up on.
So much has been happening with my love and Master alone .....
I think I am spreading recent events across too many drafted posts ...
Today i did something different. I still have questions outstanding following the recent events when I felt betrayed by a very straight forward untruth. I am sure you will be able to catch up on this in previous blogs.
Anyway every day I have had thoughts or questions relating to the circumstances or my understanding of things.
I have a question today relating to my love and Master saying that he had been too open. I had been talking about flirting. Now he had previously said that now being with me he was no longer open with women. Which of course I felt so comfortable with. So he continues to talk with women but if he is not open and I interpreted this as being boundaried, well then I was fine and even fully supportive. This was fabulous for me as it was further indication of me managing insecurities that have developed from childhood.
However, as my love and Master had been in my opinion not boundaried at all in our recent clandestine encounter, I wonder what open,. not open or to open means.
So my different approach this evening was to ask if at a convenient moment we might discuss this further.
As is my norm, this is not to pass judgement or to insist on him being different BUT merely to see how he wants to practice being and if that concurs or not with my own preferences.
Until now my questions and thoughts have been coming up towards the end of conversations. I say the end as they are late and time really when we should be finishing speaking and getting to sleep. Of course I put off asking because I think it is wrong for me to ask. I am realising that I am entitled to my thoughts and ideas and that to get clarity I need to speak them all out. Gradually I am getting to the end of my questions. I hope my love and Master can continue to find patience even when I have heard his anger rising. I am afraid that he will get angry and use that as a reason to go. He sent a text assuring me that this would not happen.
So anyway by asking for time he has agreed. He rightly so requested that we do this at a better time.
What I would like of course is not open to mean the same as my boundaried. For me this means not only stating that I am in a loving relationship but saying that I am not available for flirtations.
I am very straight forward. My attitude is entirely different. My mindset is that I am in a committed and monogamous relationship and so I am aware that I do not give off even subtle vibes - people are so unaware of the non-verbal signals (that even are detectable across the ether).
I would not toy with a man or leave anything unclear. I am simply not available for anything more than talking. I would not spend excessive time with any one man and if there was to be any extensive socialising I would do it in general company - the message would have to be loud and clear. And then even if he were to persist I would have to be straightforward and be explicit that I am not available at all.
Finally I would say bye and leave if they continued to cross the line.
I think yes it is OK to be flattered but to be aware of the flattery and what it translates into in me and not allow my ego to desire more. I would always want to honour my commitment.
Importantly actually is my desire NOT to give mixed messages to other people as well - that can cause misunderstanding and even be hurtful. I do not want to lead anyone on.
Most importantly I do not want to disrespect my love and Master. In this way I have nothing at all to be ashamed of or need to hide. My conscience is clear which is always always a wonderful feeling - a better feeling than the brief lift I might get from a flirt - dissatisfying on a long term basis.
I truly hope my love and Master is honourable in a similar way. I am not certain how and even if I would work through my Love and Master wanting to be able to be less boundaried. However we will see what he says and see what that brings to me. I open to learn not sure if my principles can be crossed.
I wonder what other people think about my thoughts on this? How they negotiate through such tings in the first place? And what boundaries, openness etc is acceptable or not.
I truly believe that the affair starts in the the thinking and attitude. I would like a loyal partner and one that believes that love is about respect, dignity, monogamy, integrity, honesty, openness, and truly loving.
I hope my Love and Master holds these spiritual principles dear too. He seems to in general with matters of life we have discussed. I think we have a differing view of interrelationships.
We will see I guess when we speak.
Bliss
I am sure I have a lot more to write in this Blog - so much to catch up on.
So much has been happening with my love and Master alone .....
I think I am spreading recent events across too many drafted posts ...
Today i did something different. I still have questions outstanding following the recent events when I felt betrayed by a very straight forward untruth. I am sure you will be able to catch up on this in previous blogs.
Anyway every day I have had thoughts or questions relating to the circumstances or my understanding of things.
I have a question today relating to my love and Master saying that he had been too open. I had been talking about flirting. Now he had previously said that now being with me he was no longer open with women. Which of course I felt so comfortable with. So he continues to talk with women but if he is not open and I interpreted this as being boundaried, well then I was fine and even fully supportive. This was fabulous for me as it was further indication of me managing insecurities that have developed from childhood.
However, as my love and Master had been in my opinion not boundaried at all in our recent clandestine encounter, I wonder what open,. not open or to open means.
So my different approach this evening was to ask if at a convenient moment we might discuss this further.
As is my norm, this is not to pass judgement or to insist on him being different BUT merely to see how he wants to practice being and if that concurs or not with my own preferences.
Until now my questions and thoughts have been coming up towards the end of conversations. I say the end as they are late and time really when we should be finishing speaking and getting to sleep. Of course I put off asking because I think it is wrong for me to ask. I am realising that I am entitled to my thoughts and ideas and that to get clarity I need to speak them all out. Gradually I am getting to the end of my questions. I hope my love and Master can continue to find patience even when I have heard his anger rising. I am afraid that he will get angry and use that as a reason to go. He sent a text assuring me that this would not happen.
So anyway by asking for time he has agreed. He rightly so requested that we do this at a better time.
What I would like of course is not open to mean the same as my boundaried. For me this means not only stating that I am in a loving relationship but saying that I am not available for flirtations.
I am very straight forward. My attitude is entirely different. My mindset is that I am in a committed and monogamous relationship and so I am aware that I do not give off even subtle vibes - people are so unaware of the non-verbal signals (that even are detectable across the ether).
I would not toy with a man or leave anything unclear. I am simply not available for anything more than talking. I would not spend excessive time with any one man and if there was to be any extensive socialising I would do it in general company - the message would have to be loud and clear. And then even if he were to persist I would have to be straightforward and be explicit that I am not available at all.
Finally I would say bye and leave if they continued to cross the line.
I think yes it is OK to be flattered but to be aware of the flattery and what it translates into in me and not allow my ego to desire more. I would always want to honour my commitment.
Importantly actually is my desire NOT to give mixed messages to other people as well - that can cause misunderstanding and even be hurtful. I do not want to lead anyone on.
Most importantly I do not want to disrespect my love and Master. In this way I have nothing at all to be ashamed of or need to hide. My conscience is clear which is always always a wonderful feeling - a better feeling than the brief lift I might get from a flirt - dissatisfying on a long term basis.
I truly hope my love and Master is honourable in a similar way. I am not certain how and even if I would work through my Love and Master wanting to be able to be less boundaried. However we will see what he says and see what that brings to me. I open to learn not sure if my principles can be crossed.
I wonder what other people think about my thoughts on this? How they negotiate through such tings in the first place? And what boundaries, openness etc is acceptable or not.
I truly believe that the affair starts in the the thinking and attitude. I would like a loyal partner and one that believes that love is about respect, dignity, monogamy, integrity, honesty, openness, and truly loving.
I hope my Love and Master holds these spiritual principles dear too. He seems to in general with matters of life we have discussed. I think we have a differing view of interrelationships.
We will see I guess when we speak.
Bliss
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