My Father

My dad recently said he was proud of me. This was related to my studying. I don't ever recall my dad saying such a thing before. I has meant such a lot. It's all I have ever wanted to hear from him really. So I felt relieved and happy and worthwhile for a moment. Then also so so sad. Sad because it's just once. I have been waiting and waiting and now it;s here it really doesn't matter. It can never make up for the distance between us. It's not that it's too late. No,no, it's never too late. It's just so little dropped into the massive void. It drops in and echoes in the silence of nothing else there. It shows up the size of the gaping.black void.

When I watched Gideon's Daughter and this film showed the other extreme, the father's deep obsessive love for his daughter it just made me sad. My dad only ever wanted to control me when I was little and when he could no longer retain that control he abandoned me. Phew the hurt.