Silks and floorboards

Playhouse Creatures was such a good play last evening at Chichester Theatre on the Fly. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well acted I thought and humorous, it was great production on many levels for me. The history of women on stage, the start for Nell Gwynn, the natural comedy and the tragedy. The stage life and poverty at those times. And so on. All in a very minimal stage setting of the temporary stage built for this period in Chichester. It's such a vibrant City for creative culture. I like that. Lucky M being close by all of it and making good use of it. I'm sure I could make better use of the cultural events occurring locally. The thing is I live and work in different areas. And I'm always going off elsewhere. London for example.
London was busy, busy, busy yesterday.
Anyway back to what Playhouse Creatures has aroused in me this morning. A desire to know about the first female actresses and the story of Nell Gwynn. I'm glad to be inquisitive. As it has put a little into perspective for me of what were dribs and drabs of information. Suddenly it's more in perspective when there is something like this to hang it on and have my interest titillated.
So the play featured 5 women on a very bare set. A man, who remained with his back to us the entire show, was in costume, his only job was to change the scenery. This was on full show. The stage set up so that we could see all of the workings other than behind stage. Although the play involved us seeing them on stage and behind stage. But not the reality of behind this stage we were watching. I liked these layers. So they were acting about acting as well.
A really good and clever interpretation by the art director Michael Oakley. I applaud him.
April de Angelis was the author.
"April De Angelis (born c.1960) is a British dramatist of part Sicilian descent. She is a graduate of Sussex University who trained at East 15 Acting School.

De Angelis began her career in the 1980s as an actress with the Monstrous Regiment theatre company but in 1987 her play Breathless was a prize winner at the 1987 Second Wave Young Women's Writing Festival.

Her plays often feature historical figures. Playhouse Creatures and A Laughing Matter are set in the London theatrical milieu of the 17th and 18th centuries respectively. Wanderlustexamines Victorian colonialism and Ironmistress is a verse play exploring Lady Charlotte Guest's factory ownership.

As a librettist, De Angelis contributed to the opera The Silent Twins (2007), composed by Errollyn Wallen, which is based on the case of June and Jennifer Gibbons.

De Angelis tends to write to commission and several of her plays have been produced by Max Stafford-Clark's Out of Joint theatre company." (Wikipedia, 2012)

I wonder how much influence she had over the way it was directed and produced. And how much autonomy does a director have when staging their own production? Do they buy the play and then have a degree of freedom? How much does the stage itself dictate what is possible?

This Theatre on the Fly is such a good idea I think. I like the way the cultural lifestyle is so much part of Chichester. And I am delighted that M seeks these things out and invites me along. I can feel jealous that she does seem to find things and that I don't. I feel as if I'm not really the creative culture vulture just a hanger on. The reality is that I've always had an interest and been along to things but never really gone below the surface as I do now. And I am very grateful that there are people that introduce me to things. JB to film, AB (and since, others that I've met) to art, JB and others to music, mum and others to theatre and musicals, PD to opera, SH to photographers and vintage kitch. Writing? Well I've always written in some form or another. I've always wanted to be a writer but my mum told I could never be as I'm not eloquent enough. It's true I suppose, when I read badly written prose it doesn't grip me. I can read books that really entice me into the world and it's a wonderful journey along with them. I would like to have that talent. M is going about seeking it by undertaking her creative writing MA. I'm jealous but also not. I have diversity which means that I am never a master of anything. I have a deep interest in psychology and pursuing that as my career and then have arts and culture outside of that.

It's an interesting thing this feeling of jealousy and the associated thinking patters. I've always felt a fear of missing out on something. Way back from being a little girl I hated going to bed for a fear of missing out on something. Not to mention the scary things upstairs in the darkness and under my bed. The things that could get me if there was so much as a crack in the curtains. Then the witches would be able to see me and if they could see me they could get me. And if I trod on the floor the things under the bed could get me. I would lie in bed barely breathing. Oh and the crack in the slightly open door meant that I could be seen and got. More recently I have associated this with my dad spying on me. There were times when I caught him watching me through the crack in the door when I was in the bath. Or watching my reflection in the mirror from outside through the crack in the curtains. So it was real as well. I do wonder if that was the fear but explained it away as the witches and unknown things under the bed.

This does not deflect though from this fear of missing out. I would not go to the toilet because it would steal time away from what was going on. This became a real problem with proper consequences. But again I think there's something sinister behind it too. Maybe I am imagining that to take away from my irresponsibility. I would soil my pants rather than leave the situation. This is often associated with abuse though too. There are senses of things that happened when I was very young. Things that turn my stomach with fear and disgust but I often wonder if it's me imagining things. Even today after all the therapy in the world. C was quite surprised I think when I said I had been sexually abused. She said she wasn't expecting that. Hmmm just goes to show how practitioners shouldn't practice unless they are really ready to deal with whatever comes up. Thank goodness I have been learning and have supervision. There have been some real incredible things I've been faced with and needed to work through, such as murder, sexual abuse and paedophilia, neglect, deaths, physical abuse, trauma, psychosis, and more. Each time it is something for me to learn and support.

Back to the play. Nell Gwynn was a real tale of rages to riches. After the civil war resulting in the execution of King Charles I, in January 1649, King Charles II came to the throne. Apparently he was a lover of theatre and in 1660 or thereabouts lifted the ban of women being able to act. I suspect that he enjoyed seeing women and it seems to me that women on stage were suddenly an entertainment of the rather risque or naughty side. A more burlesque atmosphere rather than acting taken seriously. Maybe the women were serious an maybe there was appreciation for women playing women's roles. After all Shakespeare wrote great parts for women didn't he? I have often thought of them as great parts. He didn't seem to be a misogynist, more of a romantic I've felt.

King Charles II reign seems to be labelled as  the Restoration period. Capitalised. It's interesting how these periods are given names. Restoration, Renaissance, Pre-Raphaelite, Post-Modernism etc etc. Anyway thank goodness for Charles' Restoration. As women started to come to the forefront in the public eye. Not to forget of course that we had already had Queen Elizabeth I. How more feminist can a country be. And what a force of ingenuity and encouragement for growth was she. An empire was built in her reign.

It seems we know a lot about Nell through Samuel Pepys' writings. Thank goodness for his journals. We draw a lot from his writings I believe. But of course it was one man's views and also a view from a certain amount of space and time - what's that word? It's a common word and has escaped in the gap between my long term memory store and being brought into the consciousness again. Why does that happen to me? It's like something misfires within the memory neuronal connections. I know the word is there. I will have to look through my psychology books for the word.

Pepys details Nell as comical and called her "pretty, witty Nell". So it is easy to see how King Charles, clearly a womaniser, was beguiled by her beauty and wit. So a socialite she became. She took the opportunity. Good for her. Little is certain about Nell's early life. There are lots of claims but nothing solid. records in those days were not accurately kept of course. Not easy to keep tracks of people like it is today. If only information were purely for demographics.

It amused me slightly when talking about the first real psychopath I have known to encounter at work recently and the worry that he may some day do something bad. And then R saying what can be done about this? Well nothing unless we go down the route of the science fiction book by Philip K Dick, Minority Report. I haven't read the book but thought the film was a good story apart from the fact that Tom Cruise was the main part. I couldn't flipping well remember the title of the book although could remember it was by Philip. I would like to read more. There are so many things I'd like to do more of. There just isn't enough time for all the things I want to do. I want to write (and this takes time, lots of it). I want to sketch and that requires time and concentration and courage. I want to go to galleries and theatre and have art lessons including sculpture lessons. I want time with friends socialising and chatting. I want to study psychology. I need to work and want to do my job well and have training, I like to walk and visit places for interest. So many things I want and like and isn't that great that i have all of these interests in me. It never needs to be boring or lonely or obsessing about the bloody boss-lady. There isn't time.

LouLou needs a walk and annoyingly is nudging my laptop. I used to do that to people. Nudge their newspaper thinking it would get their attention and would wonder why they'd get annoyed. This is annoying me as LouLou is doing it an yet I know she needs the walk. OK off we go. Brief but fresh and good to be out there.

OK now I have to drag myself off to get petrol and to get food shopping. If I don't I have no veggies for lunch. I am looking for something different in my food and that's interesting too. My food is great just as it is. I am seeking external inspiration. I am fascinated by the learning I get through interactions and like the way it activates my mind and intrigue. Seeing this play and chatting about things and how the world through time and space all interacts. Nothing stands alone without each other. I marvel at this realisation. How powerful it all is. History is just as much a part of me today as it was back when it was occurring. The influences on people, places and things is invaluable in understanding more about me as an individual, about the community and society and the world as a whole. Marvellous.

More to write about the history of women on the stage when I get back if there's time before my AWOL. 

Oh and about the wonderful FA meeting yesterday

OK Back again. And the best laid plans .... I was intending to get to Lidl. It's the cheapest. But actually I was running out of time. My petrol tank was nearly empty so that was a priority and then I realised I could just get enough for today at Tesco and do the rest before I go for a walk with AB. Bloody hell petrol is £133.9 per litre again. It's crazy. And what a bargain. They must be wrongly priced. But I bought 4 just in case. Paul Newman's balsamic dressing 99p per bottle when usually it's been £1.79. Everything is way beyond my means really. I am eating minimally in some ways but it's more than adequate. And of course I do consider all the chemicals added to growing fresh products. I rarely wash anything though so if I'm consuming poisons I have some input in that. I'd love to be eating fresh veggies from the garden but I won't put in the effort (that would require even more time) and even with my little friends V input nothing has grown.

So yes the first female actresses before I have to go off and AWOL.

Joining the theatre at the age of 14, it seems that Thomas Killigrew took her on and he was linked with King Charles II. Being a pretty girl and and witty girl she clearly caught the King's eye. Lucky her huh. Tow illegitimate children by the King she was wily enough to get them recognised. She certainly had a way with the King it seems. It was open knowledge that she was the King's mistress in the end. It seems that she was too demanding to begin with. Like the play depicts the actresses were really fodder for prostitution. And also as depicted in the play the girls were little more than extra money earners, performing like the dancing bears that were housed in this particular playhouse before them. However, it was a move in the right direction. Women really have had to use every wily way and great strength to fight the force of male power and degradation. We have come up from below the ranks.

I loved these layers that De Angelis has cleverly captured and Michael Oakley has reproduced. De Angelis has captured the points of previous mistresses being paid off and of course the miserly life they had to lead when turfed out if pregnant. Of no more value than the bear that ravaged the master and was then left to die having ripped out every claw and pulled out every tooth. The desperation of the women, the one relying on her good looks and charms being usurped by the younger member and then being useless as an actress because pregnant, of no value. But the one who turned against the theatre director, wanting shares and speaking out, being put in danger through her own supposed beau and keeper being angry and turning against her. Women had to fight hard to have anything like a voice. Nell, on the otherhand, seems to have been far more powerful in her way. She had to yield to the men sense of power to become powerful herself.

Now with all the talk of this book 50 Shades of Grey I find this interesting. I had realised in my position as a salve just how much power I was gaining. I relished being cherished as a slave. I wanted to be a good girl and available for whatever my Master wanted. I was good for a while until he gave me too much room for manoeuvre. Then I wanted more and the more I tried to have the less I got. I lost the power. It was a very interesting power game.

However as I go forward I do not want that inequality. I wanted to be loved for the woman that I am and to be able to love the man. If that can't happen it is my hearts desire not to falter for less or meanness. Please be to God.

However, it is an interesting phenomena that yielding wields power. It's just the manipulation that can then ensue with that yield. It is important for me to acknowledge the weakness I have for sugar and flour and quantity. 

I need to call my AWOL now. Which as always was incredibly helpful. I really have got a better understanding, a real depth of understanding of Step one. It's amazing how this is working. I have listened and listened for years now and read too and even sat around a group as the therapist and never truly understood like I do now.

I have no doubts at all that I am a food addict. And that this addiction is physical, mental and spiritual. I need to find ways of expressing my illness, the disease of addiction because then I can impart my understanding back. I like to assimilate the information but there's often so much I forget what has been said.

I will try and write some notes later. First of all lunch.

You are getting a running commentary of my day. There are so many glorious experiences and thoughts to share though. How on earth can I have enough time to get this all down in writing?

OK so I am over all the excitement of the play last evening. I've talked it out. The Nell Gwynn story, the Restoration, King Charles II, etc. It was a great play and I would recommend seeing it if the chance is presented to you.
There is another play on in London by April De Angelis. Jumpy. I've no idea what it's about but I would be interested in seeing it. I wonder if I can afford it though. Bloody expenditure limitations. There isn't enough money or time to do everything I want to do. But hey isn't it wonderful that I have such a full life?
I think so.
Closer to the time the woman returns to work. I am not looking forward to her craziness. I would hope that her holiday has enabled her to calm right down. I do hope so. She was noisy and nasty before she left. Not a person I choose to be around.
I have to learn a way through this I suppose. Please God guide me. I would like your help please. I don't need anymore of the craziness but hey the lessons are not mine to choose. Over to you God. I know you will be nearby me.

Bliss
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