Someone called me this morning. She's been in fellowship since April. She sounded a little down about her food I sensed as she read it out to me. I can't even remember what it was she read to me, so I need to pay more attention before I say mmm that sounds good. Anyway I enquired how she is finding it, bearing in mind I barely know her. Although how often do we get to speak to someone twice ad quickly establish some of the difficulties from childhood. She has a very challenging relationship with her 4 year old over active mother. I could pick up the resentment. Sure enough there had been issues back in her childhood. That was the second time we'd ever spoken. Remarkable what happens in recovery. I get the sense she is the sort of person who is still needing to express her hurt and holds a lot of blame but also I detect a degree or martyrdom. I'm not her sponsor.
Anyhow when talking about her food she has a sense of deprivation and still shops regularly, particularly liking the fruit markets. She emphasised how the one thing she really misses is the fruit. Although she has previously exclaimed how the one thing she misses is her lentils and that she had been vegetarian and now struggling because her sponsor knows nothing about vegetarian foods so she is eating meat. I find that difficult actually. B had questioned my decision not to eat meat but I wasn't going to budge on that. I don't have a big issue as I eat fish.
This is a little tedious. The main point I was going to make is that then she started talking about the fruit at the market; the colours and the shapes, I suggested she might take a photo. She had. But somehow it still seemed foody to me as she had bought the fruit and taken a photo of her fruit bowl and made it her telephone saver picture. So I suggested she might take a photo of the market, capturing what she had described to me as the atmosphere that draws her to keep visiting it. Her response to that wasn't quite as enthusiastic. So I really have a strong sense she hasn't yet been freed from the food obsession. Please HP help P to be removed from the obsession. And T too.
I was reminded about the early days and wanting soup one evening. The realisation that I would NEVER be able to have soup again appalled me I was suddenly bereft. And then with a vengeance I wanted foo. As I write that, there is a visualisation of me saying "I want". Teeth gritted in determination and anger. Wanting as if I've never wanted anything so much before in my life. Wow! The power of that want. Despite myself, despite my reluctance, I called someone in FA. Probably I ranted and whined and justified why I could and would have soup, I don;t remember my end of the call in a sort of desperation blackout, I did hear her say calmly "what is it you would get from that soup?". Slowing down to think about that, I described the feeling I would have from it. There was the taste of the blended vegetables and the thickness of the consistency and from that I felt a sudden warmth, a cosiness and a comfort on this cold wet night, after a day of feeling grated against at work and it being dark and memories of feeling cosetted and looked after when I was younger with a cup of soup, my mum cooing me and the darkness and sound of rain outside in the safety and warmth of us together indoors. That's what I was needing. And she suggested that I could create that some other way than through the food. I did. I went home and put candles on creating a glow in the room. I put a film on and wrapped myself in a blanket in my jarmies. I had everything I was needing in a healthy way. Food for me is so dangerous.
I mentioned this to P and she seemed suddenly uplifted. I asked her what she wanted from the fruit. She said the sweetness and she had already mentioned the colour and the atmosphere of the market. I sensed she was wanting a vibrancy. And writing this, that figures when she was sounding so heavy, dowdy and tired on the phone. She wants to be uplifted. She needs to create something uplifting for herself somehow.
www.foodaddicts.org
Bliss
xx
Anyhow when talking about her food she has a sense of deprivation and still shops regularly, particularly liking the fruit markets. She emphasised how the one thing she really misses is the fruit. Although she has previously exclaimed how the one thing she misses is her lentils and that she had been vegetarian and now struggling because her sponsor knows nothing about vegetarian foods so she is eating meat. I find that difficult actually. B had questioned my decision not to eat meat but I wasn't going to budge on that. I don't have a big issue as I eat fish.
This is a little tedious. The main point I was going to make is that then she started talking about the fruit at the market; the colours and the shapes, I suggested she might take a photo. She had. But somehow it still seemed foody to me as she had bought the fruit and taken a photo of her fruit bowl and made it her telephone saver picture. So I suggested she might take a photo of the market, capturing what she had described to me as the atmosphere that draws her to keep visiting it. Her response to that wasn't quite as enthusiastic. So I really have a strong sense she hasn't yet been freed from the food obsession. Please HP help P to be removed from the obsession. And T too.
I was reminded about the early days and wanting soup one evening. The realisation that I would NEVER be able to have soup again appalled me I was suddenly bereft. And then with a vengeance I wanted foo. As I write that, there is a visualisation of me saying "I want". Teeth gritted in determination and anger. Wanting as if I've never wanted anything so much before in my life. Wow! The power of that want. Despite myself, despite my reluctance, I called someone in FA. Probably I ranted and whined and justified why I could and would have soup, I don;t remember my end of the call in a sort of desperation blackout, I did hear her say calmly "what is it you would get from that soup?". Slowing down to think about that, I described the feeling I would have from it. There was the taste of the blended vegetables and the thickness of the consistency and from that I felt a sudden warmth, a cosiness and a comfort on this cold wet night, after a day of feeling grated against at work and it being dark and memories of feeling cosetted and looked after when I was younger with a cup of soup, my mum cooing me and the darkness and sound of rain outside in the safety and warmth of us together indoors. That's what I was needing. And she suggested that I could create that some other way than through the food. I did. I went home and put candles on creating a glow in the room. I put a film on and wrapped myself in a blanket in my jarmies. I had everything I was needing in a healthy way. Food for me is so dangerous.
I mentioned this to P and she seemed suddenly uplifted. I asked her what she wanted from the fruit. She said the sweetness and she had already mentioned the colour and the atmosphere of the market. I sensed she was wanting a vibrancy. And writing this, that figures when she was sounding so heavy, dowdy and tired on the phone. She wants to be uplifted. She needs to create something uplifting for herself somehow.
www.foodaddicts.org
Bliss
xx
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